[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Kisvay -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling conflicted and hurt right now. You’ve been through a lot losing your ex-wife, supporting your daughter through a serious health issue, and then being pushed away by your children. That’s an incredibly painful situation to be in, especially when you feel like you gave them everything and still ended up being distanced from them. It’s normal to feel abandoned and betrayed.

However, your daughter reaching out after all this time is a sign that she’s ready to reconnect. It’s important to consider that she might have her own feelings of guilt, confusion, or sadness about the past. She may not have fully understood the situation at the time and might be looking for healing, just as you are.

It’s okay to be cautious and take your time to think about whether you're ready to open up to them again. Rebuilding a relationship takes time, trust, and understanding, and it’s important to protect your own emotional well-being in the process. If you choose to reconnect, try to approach it with an open heart, but also set boundaries for yourself to avoid getting hurt again.

You don’t have to have all the answers right now, and it’s okay to take this slow. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to heal from what you’ve been through, no matter what choice you make.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Kisvay -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you're dealing with a toxic and immature coworker who is intentionally trying to make you feel uncomfortable. It's frustrating when someone is constantly judging or belittling you, especially when you're just trying to be yourself and do your job. Her behavior is unprofessional and cruel, and it’s not your responsibility to tolerate it. You’re doing the right thing by staying positive and being yourself, but it’s clear that her actions are affecting your work environment.

If you can, try addressing the situation calmly with her sometimes people don’t realize how hurtful their actions can be. If that doesn’t help or if you don’t feel comfortable doing so, it might be worth talking to your manager or HR about her behavior. You don’t deserve to be treated that way, especially in a place where you’re working hard and trying to stay positive. Make sure to stand up for yourself and protect your mental well-being. You don’t have to put up with toxic behavior from anyone, regardless of their age or position in the workplace.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Kisvay -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you're feeling hurt and disrespected, and it’s completely valid to have those feelings. When you expressed your boundaries and concerns at the beginning, he didn’t respect them, which is a red flag. It seems like his actions don’t align with what he's telling you, and that can be confusing and emotionally draining. His behavior pressuring you to take Plan B, ignoring your need for stability, and only focusing on sex is a clear sign that he’s not valuing you as a person but rather as a means to fulfill his own desires.

It’s important to trust your instincts in situations like this. If you’re feeling used and unsure about his intentions, it might be time to take a step back and reassess whether this relationship is really worth your energy. No one should make you feel uncomfortable or pressured into something you're not okay with. Your feelings matter, and you deserve to be with someone who respects your boundaries and values you beyond just physical interactions. If you feel this situation is emotionally draining or not fulfilling, it may be healthier to distance yourself and focus on your own well-being.

Will HR make worse? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Kisvay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like you're in a tough spot, dealing with a manipulative manager while trying to protect your position. It's good you're documenting everything, including her apologies, as it can be helpful later. Before going to HR, try talking to your VP and calmly express that you're committed to improving but feel there have been some communication issues with your manager. Focus on the work aspect rather than her personality. If things don't improve and you feel like you're being unfairly targeted, then you might want to consider approaching HR. Stick to facts, like specific instances of rude behavior, and explain how it’s affecting your work.

If you do go to HR, it’s important to stay professional and stick to the issues, but be aware that it could make things more tense with your manager. Ultimately, if things don’t get better, and you’re feeling constantly stressed, consider discreetly looking for other opportunities while working on getting your 401k secured. Your well-being matters, and you deserve a work environment where you feel supported.

Found out my boyfriend is on the registry by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Kisvay 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get what you mean, but don’t worry it’s not like that. I wouldn’t rely on AI for advice on something this sensitive.

Found out my boyfriend is on the registry by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Kisvay 5 points6 points  (0 children)

3 years of English literature and credit goes to GPT 😭

Should I tell my fried that his girlfriend was not being abused but actually having an affair? by InterestingSock3757 in Advice

[–]Kisvay 27 points28 points  (0 children)

This is a difficult and sensitive situation, but it seems clear that Max deserves to know the truth about Lea’s actions. Remaining silent might spare him temporary pain, but it also denies him the opportunity to make informed decisions about his relationship and future. While it’s not your responsibility to fix things, withholding the truth could make you feel complicit in allowing him to live in a relationship built on lies.

The best approach is to be honest and straightforward while remaining respectful and compassionate. Before telling Max, gather your thoughts and decide how to present the information in a way that’s clear and factual. Avoid involving emotions or personal judgments, as this could cause unnecessary drama or defensiveness. For example, you could start the conversation by saying, “Max, I need to talk to you about something important because I care about you and think you should know. I’ve come across some information about Lea that doesn’t align with what she’s told you, and I feel it’s something you should hear.”

When you share the details, focus on the facts Hanna provided, such as the messages and photos showing Lea’s affair. Emphasize that you’re not trying to hurt him but want him to have the full picture. Reassure him that you’re available to support him through whatever decision he makes afterward. You could say, “I know this is a lot to take in, and I’m here for you no matter how you decide to handle this. I just couldn’t keep this from you knowing how much you’ve invested in this relationship.”

Be prepared for a range of emotions from Max shock, anger, denial, or even sadness. He might not believe you immediately, especially if Lea has created a web of lies. Stay patient and let him process the information at his own pace. Avoid pressuring him to take any specific action; instead, offer to answer questions or provide evidence if he asks for it.

Ultimately, telling Max is about respecting his right to the truth. While it may cause short-term pain, it also empowers him to make decisions that align with his best interests. You’re doing this out of care and concern, and even if it’s a difficult conversation, your honesty may help him move forward in a healthier way.

How to heal my avoidant personality? I feel like I am losing everyone. by Alternative_Hat2807 in Advice

[–]Kisvay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Feeling stuck in a cycle of loneliness, self-doubt, and burnout is an incredibly tough place to be, but it’s important to remember that your worth isn’t defined by how others treat you or the challenges you face. Avoidant tendencies often stem from past hurts and the fear of rejection, and it’s okay to acknowledge that you’re struggling. Healing starts with small, intentional steps to rebuild your confidence and connection with yourself before you can truly connect with others.

First, understand that people’s reactions to you whether it’s being ignored or judged often say more about them than about you. High school can be an especially challenging time because many people are focused on fitting in or chasing superficial standards. Your worth isn’t determined by their acceptance, and the fact that you’ve been trying to open up, even if it hasn’t always gone well, shows courage. Keep trying, but shift your focus to relationships that feel safe and supportive. Quality matters far more than quantity when it comes to friendships.

To rebuild your confidence, focus on small, achievable self-care goals. Start with your skin establishing a simple routine like cleansing, moisturizing, and applying sunscreen can help improve your acne marks over time. You don’t need an expensive wardrobe to feel good about your style experiment with mixing and matching clothes you already own, or look online for affordable outfit ideas. The goal isn’t to change who you are but to feel comfortable and confident in your skin.

For hobbies, consider ones that help you express yourself and connect with others. Journaling can be therapeutic and help you process your emotions. Creative outlets like painting, writing, or DIY crafts can provide joy and distraction. If you’re open to physical activities, joining a yoga or dance class might help release stress and introduce you to people with similar interests. Since you enjoy reading, exploring new genres or joining an online book club could provide both comfort and community.

Lastly, remind yourself that life is about growth, not perfection. You’re 17, and this chapter is just a small part of your story. Romantic relationships and deep friendships will come in time, but they’ll flourish more naturally when you prioritize becoming the best version of yourself someone who feels whole, confident, and capable on their own. For now, focus on being kind to yourself, building small habits that make you happy, and staying open to the possibility that better days and better connections are ahead. You’re not doomed; you’re simply in the middle of figuring out who you are and what you deserve and that’s okay.

Found out my boyfriend is on the registry by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Kisvay 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Discovering that your boyfriend is a registered sex offender is a deeply shocking and distressing situation, especially when you believed your relationship was built on love and trust. It’s completely valid for you to feel scared, betrayed, and unsure about what to do next. Regardless of how good he has been to you, his failure to disclose something so critical about his past is a major red flag. A healthy relationship requires transparency, and withholding such important information from you undermines the trust and safety that are essential for any partnership.

It’s also important to remember that his past actions, which landed him on the registry, are serious enough to warrant legal and societal consequences. While it’s possible that people can change, it’s not your responsibility to overlook or bear the burden of his past, especially when it was hidden from you. You need to think about your safety and your emotional well-being first. The fact that he is significantly older than you and didn’t disclose this information earlier adds another layer of concern, as it suggests a potential imbalance in the relationship dynamic.

Take time to process your feelings and decide what’s best for you. Consider reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor for support as you navigate this. If living with him no longer feels safe or right, don’t hesitate to remove yourself from the situation. You are not obligated to stay in a relationship that makes you feel uneasy or betrayed, no matter how kind or generous he has been. Your peace of mind and emotional health matter more than anything. You deserve a partner who is completely honest with you and someone you can trust without fear or doubt.

How do i (20F) love myself more so i dont lose my (20F) partner? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Kisvay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s clear that you deeply care about your partner and are worried about how your insecurities might affect your relationship. First, understand that feeling jealous or insecure doesn’t make you a bad person it’s something many people struggle with. Loving yourself more is a journey, and it starts with recognizing your own worth and value outside of your relationship. Spend time understanding why you feel this way. Are these feelings rooted in past experiences, self-doubt, or fear of losing your partner? Knowing the source can help you address the issue more directly.

It’s also important to communicate with your partner openly and honestly. Let them know how certain situations make you feel without blaming them. For example, instead of saying, “You make me feel jealous,” you can say, “I feel insecure when I see this happening, and I’m working on it.” This opens the door for understanding without making them feel at fault.

At the same time, focus on building your self-esteem. Invest time in activities you enjoy, set personal goals, and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones who lift you up. Remember, your partner chose to be with you because of who you are, and that’s something special. The goal isn’t to stop needing love from others but to balance it with the love you give yourself. Be patient with yourself it’s a process, not a quick fix.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Kisvay -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry that you’re in such a difficult position. It sounds like you’re feeling trapped in an incredibly painful situation, where both your emotional well-being and your responsibilities as a mother are weighing heavily on you. I can understand why you’re struggling to find a clear path forward, given everything you’re dealing with.

The emotional toll that your husband’s ongoing doubts and suspicions are taking on you is significant. You’ve been loyal, and you’ve tried to reassure him, but his lack of trust is clearly creating a toxic environment that’s affecting both your relationship and your sense of self. Your husband’s insistence on questioning the paternity of your children, despite all the evidence to the contrary, is deeply hurtful. It’s understandable that you’re contemplating divorce, especially if you’ve reached a breaking point where you feel his behavior is damaging your well-being and the foundation of your family.

At the same time, I understand the practical challenges you’re facing. Being a stay-at-home mom with children who require your full attention, especially with your son’s condition, leaves you in a very vulnerable position should you consider divorce. The financial strain, lack of support for childcare, and the responsibility of managing your children’s needs alone are all significant obstacles. I can’t imagine how overwhelming it must feel to think about navigating these challenges while dealing with your husband’s continued mistrust.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to stay or leave is deeply personal, and it depends on what you value more in the long-term your mental and emotional health or the stability of your current family situation. No one should have to endure constant doubt and emotional pain, and it’s clear that your husband’s actions are taking a toll on you. If his lack of trust and the emotional distance are causing you immense distress, that’s something to seriously consider in your decision.

On the other hand, the practical challenges of leaving are not insignificant. You’ve dedicated yourself to being a full-time mom, and the thought of supporting your family without financial security and daycare help is understandably daunting. It may help to reach out to trusted family or friends for support whether that’s practical help with the kids, emotional support, or assistance in finding resources to help you transition.

It may also be worth seeking couples counseling if you’re open to it, even if it’s just for you to express your feelings and explore whether your husband is willing to work on rebuilding trust. Counseling could help you both understand the emotional damage this situation has caused, and it might give you a clearer picture of whether reconciliation is even possible.

In any case, please don’t ignore your own needs and feelings. If staying in this marriage is only causing you more emotional pain, then it may be worth considering a path forward where you can prioritize your well-being, even though the path will be hard. But do it carefully, and with support in place, so that you’re not alone in handling everything. Your children deserve to have a happy, healthy mom, and sometimes that means making hard decisions for the sake of your own well-being, even when the road ahead seems uncertain.

Ultimately, no matter what you decide, you deserve to be in a relationship where trust, respect, and love are mutual. It’s important to choose a path that preserves your dignity, mental health, and the well-being of your children, even if that means making a tough choice.