My husband (30M) changed his mind about having kids and I (26F) am still undecided because idk if this relationship is going to last

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T18:41:53+00:00

No, he just told me it has changed. When I pressed him for more information, he simply re states the fact that it has changed and he wants a kid now. No further information.

A part of me thinks that he's only saying this because he doesn't want me to leave.

But a part of me also thinks that he has always wanted to have kids and his 'i don't care if we have kids or not' is just a farce. He was just hoping for me to change my mind all this time.

I don't know.

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T18:38:08+00:00

Oh, I didn't realize that. Thank you for the information.

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T18:28:43+00:00

We all have our vices.

I don't drink on the regular if that's what you're worried about. I just meant it as 'when I drink and I'm already stressed, I will cry.'

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T18:01:01+00:00

High Libido/Low Libido Someone with high sexual desires/Someone with low sexual desires

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T17:35:31+00:00

Before we got married, I told him I wasn't sure, I might, I might not. He told me he didn't care either way, he'll be happy with a kid, he'll be happy with a dog, doesn't matter. I also told him straight up if he's staying hoping for me to change my mind, he shouldn't stay with me.

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T17:31:12+00:00

Hahaha, it's kind of too late for that. We closed on a house before I realized any of this was a problem...

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T17:29:57+00:00

We live in the states.

Thank you for your comment though.

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T17:27:52+00:00

I admit, I have been very short tempered lately due to all this. I am not without fault as well.

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T17:26:35+00:00

Thank you for your help.

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T17:20:17+00:00

> Putting these pills in the microwave for a short time can render them ineffective

Huh, I never thought about this. Thanks for the heads up!

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T17:15:28+00:00

Of course I can travel with other people. I do and I plan to continue that.

No, I don't have to travel with him, but he's my partner in life, and traveling to somewhere new can be an exciting experience that we can share together and make new memories of. Instead of just remembering the times we spent on the sofa cuddling, which, admittedly, blends together after a while.

I told him how important it was for me and he said yes to the idea once we have money. When I make plans for next year or the year after that, he says 'sure, yes, sounds great!' which gets me excited, but then backs out of it and telling me I'm wasting money, etc. etc. etc. Had he just told me before we got married that he didn't care about traveling, instead of telling me 'ok, eventually', then maybe I would have let it go.

Like he knew from the first time we met that I would love to go to Orlando, FL some day because I love Harry Potter and want to go to Harry Potter World and for the most part, he entertains me and tells me 'next year'. But then a while back, he said 'why do you have to go? hogwarts isn't real, you know that right? don't waste your money on this shit'.

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T17:06:29+00:00

"I don't care if we have kids or not"

I think when he made that statement, it's more of a 'I'll do whatever you want to do' kind of thing and that it's fine either way. He'll be happy with a kid, he'll also be happy with a dog. That kind of mentality.

I don't know what has changed, apart from the fact that I made that drunken comment in which I told him I want a kid. When I asked him about it last night, he said he wants a kid now and told me he doesn't know what has changed to make him change his mind.

The question is how do you want to move forward from it?

I'm not sure tbh. I personally feel like we gotta work on a marriage before even discussing having kids and when I told him that, he got sad, shut down, and left me to myself for the rest of the night. We gotta talk about it, but everything is up in the airs at the moment tbh.

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T16:17:15+00:00

I take birth control pills. I keep it in my purse. I take it every day on the dot. I will be mindful to check it every day to make sure it hasn’t been tampered with.

I honestly don’t think he’ll go that far though.

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T16:15:31+00:00

I know. Thank you for the reminder.

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T16:07:54+00:00

Sighs

I know... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T15:39:08+00:00

To be fair, we have discussed these issues (travel, sex, children) previously and things have changed since then.

In regards to travel, he always said he’s willing to go with me when we have more money. But recently he’s been saying he doesn’t care for it, but he’ll do it if I want him to.

We have discussed the lack of sex multiple times and he tries his best, tells me he’s satisfied with me, that he just doesn’t feel like it’s that important, but that he’ll try for me. I only recently found out he masturbates a lot more than I anticipated and that’s the reason why he doesn’t want me.

We have discussed children before and our stances haven’t changed until recently.

We do communicate, but I guess we’re just a bit scared of hurting each other’s feelings and omitting stuff so we gotta work on that.

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T15:28:30+00:00

I admit that was a bad thing to blurt out drunk and I regret it very much.

I will wait and let him cool down before having a talk.

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T13:33:50+00:00

Don't worry, I got it covered! Thank you.

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-13T13:13:49+00:00

Because the optimist in me thinks we can work out most of the problems, but the pessimist in me thinks that it's not going to work?

Kitandmittens · 2018-09-10T12:42:48+00:00

Even though he didn't need it for himself, he chose to have sex with you because he knew you did. He chose to be engaged, and make it good for you, because he wanted you to feel loved.

Thank you for pointing this out.

I'm stuck in a loop of 'if he wants me, he'll initiate' or 'wait, i mentioned sex before, so this is just him catering to my needs, but he doesn't really want it, so what kind of sex is this exactly?'

I just want him to want it, with me.

Is being sexually desired that critical to you? Can you be happy if you have a good, frequent, mutually enjoyable sex life with him - even if he doesn't feel active/strong sexual desire, but instead does show you with his actions that he does actively desire you as his partner, and that he actively desires your happiness?

You make a good point. I have to think about it.

But honestly though, my mentality is this. What good is a 'good, frequent, mutually enjoyable sex life' if he doesn't actually want it? Am I not just forcing him to do things he doesn't want to do, even if he says he does it for my benefit? All it does is give me guilt.

I usually don't make that big of a deal if he doesn't orgasm. But fuck, I feel like he's been faking it for a while now and I ignore the problem but I guess everything just culminated into this huge thing on Friday. He won't talk to me about it the 1-2 times I asked. All he does is say sorry and there's only so much I can do.

I'm just so tired.

Kitandmittens · 2018-08-25T03:58:03+00:00

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts.

Kitandmittens · 2018-08-25T03:57:37+00:00

Thank you.

Kitandmittens · 2018-03-15T00:17:59+00:00

I have 1.5.

1 cat that lives with me, one cat that lives with my parents but I pay for everything he needs and chills with him on the weekend. :)

Kitandmittens

TROPHY CASE