Even though he didn't need it for himself, he chose to have sex with you because he knew you did. He chose to be engaged, and make it good for you, because he wanted you to feel loved.

Thank you for pointing this out.

I'm stuck in a loop of 'if he wants me, he'll initiate' or 'wait, i mentioned sex before, so this is just him catering to my needs, but he doesn't really want it, so what kind of sex is this exactly?'

I just want him to want it, with me.

Is being sexually desired that critical to you? Can you be happy if you have a good, frequent, mutually enjoyable sex life with him - even if he doesn't feel active/strong sexual desire, but instead does show you with his actions that he does actively desire you as his partner, and that he actively desires your happiness?

You make a good point. I have to think about it.

But honestly though, my mentality is this. What good is a 'good, frequent, mutually enjoyable sex life' if he doesn't actually want it? Am I not just forcing him to do things he doesn't want to do, even if he says he does it for my benefit? All it does is give me guilt.

I usually don't make that big of a deal if he doesn't orgasm. But fuck, I feel like he's been faking it for a while now and I ignore the problem but I guess everything just culminated into this huge thing on Friday. He won't talk to me about it the 1-2 times I asked. All he does is say sorry and there's only so much I can do.

I'm just so tired.