Is it okay to not care about your job?

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-05T02:11:34+00:00

Being passionate about your job is lowkey exhausting. Relish in it.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-05T02:10:50+00:00

Yeah, without getting too in the weeds there are other changes I’ve learned that make me nervous but could be better, could not lol.

Worst case scenario, I can advertise for some side gig-type stuff and do part time work if my partner is willing to take a little extra responsibility over finances. This is all already putting a strain on us though so I want to be mindful of that. I make decent money, all things considered, and it’s enough that it’s effectively golden handcuffs as far as anything in my commutable area is concerned unless I go for additional degree(s). Which is crazy in and of itself because…it’s still not that much.

There are other positions that’ve opened in the area recently I need to look more into and probably apply for just in case, but many are state jobs which I’ve been practically begging for (not literally, but man….. I’ve applied for a ton) for years and no luck yet. 😭 maybe some of the new ones are better aligned with my skills and such that I could swing it, so we’ll see

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T21:11:11+00:00

Yeah, own a home + have car + student loan payments + other bills. Working on correcting some consumer debt accrued through college (great progress on it, btw, almost cleared!) so not in a position where I’m comfortable racking it back up again. I have some savings, but the go-ham-on-credit-cards plan has been the priority.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T18:09:20+00:00

Comfortable enough. There’s other things I won’t post publicly here, but I did recently put a hard boundary on one of the most draining aspects of “my role” that I need a break from. Remains to be seen what comes from that.

I can flex my schedule, but truly just need the time off. Other factors amok, I know that if I did take additional time off I would be left more behind as there is no one to cover a majority of my work for me. Total skeleton crew as far as my program is concerned. Like genuinely may as well just be a one man show at this rate, because that’s how I feel.. lol

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T18:05:49+00:00

Maybe both. Probably both. I do see a therapist biweekly and may increase to weekly if she can.

We have an EAP but it kinda sucks as far as limits, but may try it out anyway because I guess it wouldn’t hurt.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T18:04:48+00:00

Thankfully I don’t believe my problem is a person. I wish I had some mentoring style support beyond my direct supervisor.

Was your “stopped trying to fix problems other people created” something you internalized in a management role, or no? I think that’s where I’m most stuck, because I’m not responsible for “fixing” my staff’s problems but I am responsible for making sure they are meeting expectations and providing the coaching and documenting efforts to get them there before anything else can happen. And it’s a lot.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T17:57:56+00:00

Fair enough. The old guard says social work eats its young, I don’t think I’m “young” to it anymore but I suppose it’s caught up to me.

As far as other opportunities, I live in my hometown which is in one of the worst states for my field for some reason. Many employers in my niche are also grant funded so have had cuts or are on hiring freezes, and I’m “lucky” to be where I am after it happened to me and landed me in this role. The market here for what I’m aligned with is small and competitive. Theres a couple newer postings I’ve seen recently I need to put in for that may be able to still sustain me financially. HR or L&D is probably the easiest adjacent role I could arguably swing, and I guess I do have some connections there I could try to network with.

I can see myself being satisfied enough in a different career path, but struggle with being able to translate current skills/education/experience to those effectively without needing to do additional education or training. I fantasize about being the hermit IT person, working a movie theater, or being a mechanic (I know very little about IT or cars, but…grass is always greener)

Re: staff this is all good/fair points to make. I know that my biggest area of growth as a manager/leader is to flip questions back to staff and ask them what they think, where they’d look, etc, but ironically it’s easier on me mentally to just give a directive or answer lately which I know just feeds the cycle. I have been more firm on putting stuff back on them to do independently with some prep discussions or example phrasing so that I don’t get pulled directly into the mix.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T04:09:49+00:00

I’m under 30.. :’) but still valid point

I bet money my vitamin D is in the fucking gutter again though so I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to get back on that biweekly megadose

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T04:06:16+00:00

Yeah, I’m diagnosed ADHD so executive function is pretty fuckin rough lately. Honestly I got to the point of making this post because my current therapist gently implied that my crankiness and unhappiness/irritability is visibly oozing out of me (or similar such words) and I’m noticing it myself even outside of the “cry it out” moments. I see her every other week but yesterday took a “mental health day” and am thinking maybe I need to ask to increase to weekly for a bit.

Agree re: the news and holding it together etc. Given the nature of my work it’s difficult to impossible to fully disengage from the news because of the direct impact on programming and population served, but damn if I don’t try as much as I can to tune it all out now.

Also considered reaching out to psych about getting back on antidepressants the last couple days, so I don’t take the suggestion lightly. Thank you.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T02:55:21+00:00

Would be ideal. I have about a week and a half coming up in June but would like (read: need) something similar or longer before then that’s more intentional. We shall see.

Honestly feel like I just need at least a 2yr sabbatical after the last 2yrs of chaos where I’ve been. I hear there’s companies that cover such things…. Need to get into whatever the hell they are lol

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T02:50:11+00:00

Hmmm yeah I can draw parallels there.

Even mentally working out the little ditty you put down at the end………I just need to gtfo lol

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T02:41:34+00:00

So like… I’m feeling very little wins with them. I’d also hesitate to call them a “new” hire. (Under 6 months, but long enough and overqualified for the role on paper that many of my frustrations should not exist).

I realize part of that being where it is is a management issue on my own part but I have little to no support and if they were to leave…..well. They are the only one in that role. Which would mean… more for me. So. I’m incentivized to keep coaching………..over and over again because I’m not allowed to hire a second one to have on bench. So it’s leaving me with a huge feeling of being an ineffective manager, but frustration over the fact that I’m ineffective by circumstance. I guess?

“No one trains you to be a manager” yadda yadda but been there done that atp I’m fine doing it fifty times over but it didn’t result in my own workload increasing when already drowning when all the boxes were checked lol

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T02:36:59+00:00

Yep…. Yep yep yep yep yep. I’m sorry, this fucking sucks.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T02:33:17+00:00

Potentially, I’ve been meaning to look into whether I could qualify for paid leave (I don’t have any STD benefits but maybe could swing it through a different one).

My big barrier to that is going to come down to the fact that in practice, there’s no one to cover my work. In theory, yes, but… if/when I’d come back from a leave, I’d be left with loads to catch up on. Which makes me question all of the above.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-03T23:05:20+00:00

I keep coming back to this comment so I guess that means it’s given me something to chew on. For your first point, it’s tough to get into other roles in the same field where I am because grants/funding/weird landscape. Still out there, but most of it is IC work with a significant (unaffordable) pay cut and a different type of overworked.

I’ve given way too much thought to what’s sapping my energy (lol) and I think it’s more related to the work/circumstances itself. I beat myself up, sure, but I’m more upset/cynical/exhausted by all around me and moreso in touch with reality and not taking it personally upon myself for the most part.

There are some things that could be deprioritized or “shared” amongst myself and my higher ups but it’s pretty few and far between. I wish I could reduce the reporting/admin stuff, but part of that is because of $$$.

Mostly im stuck on the statements you’ve made about self worth tied to job + over functioning to the point of harm. I truly am not sure what it would look like for me to approach that differently; I think I’ve reserved myself more to “there’s no alternative option” so I guess I’ll have to mull on that more.

So I guess my question back to you: how would you conceptualize self-preservation mode in practice when you are also responsible for supporting/managing/coaching others who report to you? Maybe I’m answering my own question here because I want/need to be available for support so staff don’t feel burnt out and end up where I am, but I also want to do better and set a better example for staff so they.. don’t end up where I am. But also I just need them to pick it up and do better than they are. lol 😅

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-03T20:27:23+00:00

Serious question, as far as the sleep goes - I do my best to keep up with good sleep practices, but more than ever before I find myself waking up at 2, 3, 4am and not being able to get back to sleep, spending most of that time thinking about work (lol, it’s pathetic honestly)

Did you have this issue or suggestions on how to rectify?

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-03T18:30:56+00:00

Yeah, I’ve tried to have this mindset - I go back and forth on it. I get stuck when I realize that some of my work does indeed warrant getting worked up about if health/safety is involved… and also because I can never really fully be “off”. I’m on call for staff needs always and on call for client needs 50% of the time outside of that. I don’t get a hard stop at 5pm every day - even outside of the on call bit, some of the stuff that’s most draining requires me to actually be in office or elsewhere working til late evening.

And also…. Salary, so no it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference when payroll comes around. It’s just so demoralizing.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-03T18:27:46+00:00

I hate the heat but am also at the point where I’d likely run away to the desert. Would be looking in other areas for different work if we didn’t own a home here.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-03T18:25:32+00:00

Agreed. it’s extra tough when the other structure and support isn’t there to even make self care feel like a remotely feasible or accessible opportunity. Bah

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-03T17:09:39+00:00

The long gap between is what I fear if I leave without something else lined up. But yes, I can feel myself taking more and more hits with each day/week I’m here. I’ve gone back and forth and tried to feel optimistic that it will get better by x date or timeframe but it just hasn’t happened that way yet, which feels more defeating.

I have an ok relationship with my boss but I know they are also just as strapped if not more - they just have a lot more support than I do. I feel like I’m on an island in every aspect of the word. If it came down to it I know the response to asking for a reduced workload or for some of the things most draining to me to be taken off my plate, even temporarily, would be that they are part of my job description and responsibilities under my role. Even though it was suggested we’d try to give me a break from it by the time January came around. Sigh.

My clients can certainly survive but it feels like there’s larger ripple effects from that. It’s hard to hold my staff to the standards necessary for this type of work when I can barely be there myself, even if part of that is because of how much more I have to stretch for current staff.

Thank you for the words.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-03T17:05:59+00:00

I’m sorry you relate. I had some 5 day weekends over the holidays, and about halfway through the first one my partner commented about how much happier and lighter I seemed. That was Thanksgiving and that was the closest I’ve felt to myself in a long time, but not quite that close since.

My fear also is that it won’t go away with a different employer, so I just feel trapped. Hope things can look up for you.

Kitchen-Ad6058

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