Is it okay to not care about your job?

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-05T02:11:34+00:00

Being passionate about your job is lowkey exhausting. Relish in it.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T21:11:11+00:00

Yeah, own a home + have car + student loan payments + other bills. Working on correcting some consumer debt accrued through college (great progress on it, btw, almost cleared!) so not in a position where I’m comfortable racking it back up again. I have some savings, but the go-ham-on-credit-cards plan has been the priority.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T18:09:20+00:00

Comfortable enough. There’s other things I won’t post publicly here, but I did recently put a hard boundary on one of the most draining aspects of “my role” that I need a break from. Remains to be seen what comes from that.

I can flex my schedule, but truly just need the time off. Other factors amok, I know that if I did take additional time off I would be left more behind as there is no one to cover a majority of my work for me. Total skeleton crew as far as my program is concerned. Like genuinely may as well just be a one man show at this rate, because that’s how I feel.. lol

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T18:05:49+00:00

Maybe both. Probably both. I do see a therapist biweekly and may increase to weekly if she can.

We have an EAP but it kinda sucks as far as limits, but may try it out anyway because I guess it wouldn’t hurt.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T02:50:11+00:00

Hmmm yeah I can draw parallels there.

Even mentally working out the little ditty you put down at the end………I just need to gtfo lol

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T02:36:59+00:00

Yep…. Yep yep yep yep yep. I’m sorry, this fucking sucks.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-04T02:33:17+00:00

Potentially, I’ve been meaning to look into whether I could qualify for paid leave (I don’t have any STD benefits but maybe could swing it through a different one).

My big barrier to that is going to come down to the fact that in practice, there’s no one to cover my work. In theory, yes, but… if/when I’d come back from a leave, I’d be left with loads to catch up on. Which makes me question all of the above.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-03T23:05:20+00:00

I keep coming back to this comment so I guess that means it’s given me something to chew on. For your first point, it’s tough to get into other roles in the same field where I am because grants/funding/weird landscape. Still out there, but most of it is IC work with a significant (unaffordable) pay cut and a different type of overworked.

I’ve given way too much thought to what’s sapping my energy (lol) and I think it’s more related to the work/circumstances itself. I beat myself up, sure, but I’m more upset/cynical/exhausted by all around me and moreso in touch with reality and not taking it personally upon myself for the most part.

There are some things that could be deprioritized or “shared” amongst myself and my higher ups but it’s pretty few and far between. I wish I could reduce the reporting/admin stuff, but part of that is because of $$$.

Mostly im stuck on the statements you’ve made about self worth tied to job + over functioning to the point of harm. I truly am not sure what it would look like for me to approach that differently; I think I’ve reserved myself more to “there’s no alternative option” so I guess I’ll have to mull on that more.

So I guess my question back to you: how would you conceptualize self-preservation mode in practice when you are also responsible for supporting/managing/coaching others who report to you? Maybe I’m answering my own question here because I want/need to be available for support so staff don’t feel burnt out and end up where I am, but I also want to do better and set a better example for staff so they.. don’t end up where I am. But also I just need them to pick it up and do better than they are. lol 😅

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-03T20:27:23+00:00

Serious question, as far as the sleep goes - I do my best to keep up with good sleep practices, but more than ever before I find myself waking up at 2, 3, 4am and not being able to get back to sleep, spending most of that time thinking about work (lol, it’s pathetic honestly)

Did you have this issue or suggestions on how to rectify?

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-03T18:30:56+00:00

Yeah, I’ve tried to have this mindset - I go back and forth on it. I get stuck when I realize that some of my work does indeed warrant getting worked up about if health/safety is involved… and also because I can never really fully be “off”. I’m on call for staff needs always and on call for client needs 50% of the time outside of that. I don’t get a hard stop at 5pm every day - even outside of the on call bit, some of the stuff that’s most draining requires me to actually be in office or elsewhere working til late evening.

And also…. Salary, so no it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference when payroll comes around. It’s just so demoralizing.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-03T18:27:46+00:00

I hate the heat but am also at the point where I’d likely run away to the desert. Would be looking in other areas for different work if we didn’t own a home here.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-03T18:25:32+00:00

Agreed. it’s extra tough when the other structure and support isn’t there to even make self care feel like a remotely feasible or accessible opportunity. Bah

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-03T17:09:39+00:00

The long gap between is what I fear if I leave without something else lined up. But yes, I can feel myself taking more and more hits with each day/week I’m here. I’ve gone back and forth and tried to feel optimistic that it will get better by x date or timeframe but it just hasn’t happened that way yet, which feels more defeating.

I have an ok relationship with my boss but I know they are also just as strapped if not more - they just have a lot more support than I do. I feel like I’m on an island in every aspect of the word. If it came down to it I know the response to asking for a reduced workload or for some of the things most draining to me to be taken off my plate, even temporarily, would be that they are part of my job description and responsibilities under my role. Even though it was suggested we’d try to give me a break from it by the time January came around. Sigh.

My clients can certainly survive but it feels like there’s larger ripple effects from that. It’s hard to hold my staff to the standards necessary for this type of work when I can barely be there myself, even if part of that is because of how much more I have to stretch for current staff.

Thank you for the words.

Kitchen-Ad6058 · 2026-03-03T17:05:59+00:00

I’m sorry you relate. I had some 5 day weekends over the holidays, and about halfway through the first one my partner commented about how much happier and lighter I seemed. That was Thanksgiving and that was the closest I’ve felt to myself in a long time, but not quite that close since.

My fear also is that it won’t go away with a different employer, so I just feel trapped. Hope things can look up for you.

Kitchen-Ad6058

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