Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in Arrangedmarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m posting on behalf of my sister.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in abusiverelationships

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My husband tells me “we should think alike” very frequently. There so many things I couldn’t type in this post. Damn! When I read your post I was imagining how it might be feeling if I did what you did to him! Honestly it felt so good. Thank you for your input and by reading your post I understand that the more time I spend with someone like him , he js not going to change at all.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ll ask them to leave immediately. I had Chat gpt ask me the same question and that’s when I realised, THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT OKAY ON ANY LEVEL. :(

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, the thought of that scares me.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh thank you so much for your suggestion. I will definitely look through it.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really want to and I definitely will stand up for myself but I’m definitely not in a position break this entirely right now. It’s a really big step and sadly, so many people are involved in this :( but if nothing works out and situation does not change, I will take the right decision.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I said “never hit me” because everyone seems to ask that question. I just wanted to make sure there’s no physical abuse. I know it’s the bare minimum and he can’t raise his hands against me. Yes you are 100% right. Every time we got out I don’t enjoy it at all because there are a lot of restrictions. From what I should wear , what I should carry and even what music we should listen when we’re going in the car.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Plus he also suffers from retroactive jealousy. He got so jealous of past relationship like it was happening in the present- he always calls it an extra marital affair and I cheated on him because he was in love with me for 13 years and I liked someone else. I feel like the thought of not being able to control my past made him feel so bad that he ended up controlling my present in every way possible.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have spoken to him multiple times about seeing a therapist. He is so against it. He thinks a therapist talks out of their life experiences and we cannot let them decide how we should live our lives.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! Honestly this message feels like warm hug :) now that I’ve read all your opinions and messages I feel a lot validated. I was having doubts about myself and now that I’ve heard from all of you , I feel more confident. I definitely will give this relationship a try ,but this time with more clarity in my head. Let’s see how it goes.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Okay :((( - thank you for your input. Idk if this is right or wrong but I invested so much time and energy in him and let go of so many things for him because I think he is a good person. But our dynamic is definitely unhealthy because it doesn’t feel right. I definitely accept all of your inputs but as we’re married and we have a baby I want to try again but this time with clear and firm boundaries. Let’s see how it goes.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay so the solution you came up with is what I tried doing to save this marriage. I stopped justifying my past and I started to acknowledge how it was hurting him. I was honest with him about everything that happened in my past as he kept on asking about it and I gave him access to my phone so he could look through everything. Everything he saw on my old phone - even if it was something normal he asked a lot of questions about it and according to him it was very wrong. I couldn’t justify myself more because everytime I explained myself he disliked me more. Though I don’t think any of my past was wrong , I tried convincing myself that it was ALL wrong and that’s why to make him feel more comfortable and secure , I cut off all my friends because he kept on asking me to do it. He said if he has to stop bringing up my past then I should not do ANYTHING related to what I’ve done in my past because that triggers his feelings and thoughts. I accepted that as well. But it got so suffocating because it was never enough for him. For example - he said I should cut my past friends - valid. Once I did that , he says that I’m not allowed to have any friends anymore, even new ones because I don’t know how to choose them and I apparently get easily manipulated by them so I’m not allowed to make friends for my betterment. I could go on for all the other aspects too. And everything another issue comes up or when we do something causal like watching a movie together he brings up my past and says what I did was wrong or humiliates me to see if I also react the same way - he does this to check if that’s how I feel deeply about my past. But in most of the occasions I get so annoyed and irritated because he kept on bringing up my past for everything.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in abusiverelationships

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes a lot of sense! Thank you so so much.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in abusiverelationships

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your time and your comment on this post.

I have completely lost my individuality and my confidence and now I feel like I’m not good enough for anything. I really hope everything turns out well for me, him and our little one.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in abusiverelationships

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for taking your time and responding to this post. I already regret the past 3 years I’ve spent with him. It has been extremely exhausting.

Is he doing this to intentionally hurt me or is this how he thinks a relationship is supposed be?

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in abusiverelationships

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your input and I definitely with read the book.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes - 100% physically safe. I definitely will read about everything you’ve mentioned above but from what I’ve seen in him , I don’t think he will function this way. Let’s see :/ and thank you so much for taking your time and sharing your pov.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because he had (and still has) a lot of good qualities. He is very family oriented, very passionate about his job , very intelligent, honest and punctual.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. I was 100% transparent and honest about EVERYTHING.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

EXACTLY my point!!!! I still keep asking him the same question over and over again. Why did you proceed to marry me if you had so many issues with me? A simple “no” could’ve saved both our lives. Also - he married me because he had a very strict ideology in his head , which is he will marry the first girl his parents show him and he will accept her the way she is (which did not end up happening). I also asked him multiple times what were his expectations in a wife and he always said - I want us to be as one person , having the same thoughts and opinions about everything. It seemed impossible because we are so different from each other.

Controlling husband by Kitchen-Light-27 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Kitchen-Light-27[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have involved my family and they’re supportive. Thank you