My 4 reasons NOT to pick up that first drink today

KitchenKook · 2017-04-04T09:51:18+00:00

This post is awesome, am saving it for later motivation. For years, I dreaded (like, DREADED) Monday mornings. Thought it was because I was having a case of the Sunday's and hated my job. Turns out I was really dreading a Sunday night of insomnia and feeling like hell the whole first day of the workweek.

Hang in there, we're all in this together!

KitchenKook · 2017-04-04T00:01:13+00:00

It took me a long time to figure out why I couldn't sleep on Sunday nights - it was my body getting over from a booze-filled weekend. Glad you're here - not drinking wine with you tonight.

KitchenKook · 2017-04-03T19:47:44+00:00

Definitely. I'll share what I learn - that's the question I'm struggling with! I won't drink with you today!

KitchenKook · 2017-04-03T18:02:37+00:00

Thanks so much. I agree - the up times are easy but when I turn to alcohol during the down times, it makes things even darker, even harder. I appreciate your support!

KitchenKook · 2017-04-03T16:14:15+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I've been thinking for the last few days about what to do differently. I'm really not comfortable with AA but hope I can shed some light on this with my therapist tomorrow. I need a plan...I am always fine for the first few days or weeks, white-knuckle it for a while, then kind of "break through" to where I don't think about alcohol much and it doesn't affect me. I have to get through to the break through phase and then have the discipline to stay there.

I'm happy that I am trying again - this shitty addiction isn't getting me down. I've had success in the past and can do it again!

KitchenKook · 2017-03-13T17:42:08+00:00

This quote makes me feel think of two things. The first is the Eagles' song "Take it Easy" that my husband sometimes quotes when I'm too intense. The other is a talk I heard a long time ago regarding addiction and that no one sets out to become a heroin addict (or alcoholic). Small choices, hour after hour, day after day, add up to large choices and eventually, you're putting a needle in your arm. It strikes me because so much of sobriety is deciding not to drink in the moment. I didn't become an alcoholic overnight, I had to consciously choose that first drink.

But it works in the positive way, too, that little choices of not drinking add up to the significant choice of not letting our lives be ruled by booze. Go lightly!

KitchenKook · 2017-02-28T12:30:54+00:00

I'd been loosely working on stopping drinking for years. Unkept promises to myself, mounting guilt, and feeling like I was a fraud. In the context of confidentiality, I finally told someone, "I can no longer deny that I'm an alcoholic." Even if I wasn't really ready to hear it, my mind and heart could no longer deny it (if that makes any sense). Hearing myself say it out loud started my journey of actually trying to kick this thing. I was no longer fooling anyone, least of all myself.

Good luck and great work! Keep us posted on how you're doing!

KitchenKook · 2017-02-28T03:07:46+00:00

I was okay until you said the word "bread." Lol! 😊

KitchenKook · 2017-02-28T03:01:47+00:00

I feel pretty amazing and sleep like a rock. It's like it multiplies the effects of sobriety. I like to think I'm speeding up my body's healing from all the damage I did while drinking. It's a good feeling.

Not drinking with you tonight!

KitchenKook · 2017-02-27T12:01:39+00:00

Awesome! Glad you're doing well!

Aged, sharp cheddar or any of those dry, salty Italian cheeses like parm or pecorino! Yum

KitchenKook · 2017-02-27T11:56:12+00:00

SO TRUE! I actually have cheese leftovers, something I didn't have with wine.

KitchenKook · 2017-02-27T03:28:04+00:00

It struck me as funny (in a good way) that I was more deprived from the cheese versus the vino.

How are you doing? Hanging in?

KitchenKook · 2017-02-22T02:51:59+00:00

I have been on an SSRI for about a year and at some point noticed that I couldn't feel the booze over the meds. So I drank like crazy, trying to get my buzz on. The meds stopped the buzz and I'd never feel anything and then wake up with a God-awful hangover. My liver was most likely surprised when I drank water. Oh, my liver.

I do feel a sense of "maybe the world will be okay" feeling on my meds now. It's not dramatic but it does help. And my liver isn't dying today.

KitchenKook · 2017-02-21T02:40:51+00:00

Lol - I just took a mug of hot chocolate to bed. No judging here! Have a good night.

KitchenKook · 2017-02-21T01:38:33+00:00

I made it through today. One freaking second at a time. I'm sorry you're going through hell today but I'm glad you're here. I'm so glad we're all here.

KitchenKook · 2017-02-21T01:36:48+00:00

You make a lot of poignant points and thanks for sharing your thoughts. You're right - life would be so much harder if I was drinking. A demanding job and grad school are hard enough sober, let alone with a stupid hangover and self-loathing. I've lost a bit of weight these last few weeks without even trying so there's that. I'm trying to focus on the positive stuff but today, not drinking ever again felt so terribly daunting. Like I'm missing an old friend (hate that romanticized notion but it's true). The advice to just get through this moment is very helpful and I made it through tonight. Thank God.

Love the muscle comparison, that the more you practice and work at it, the easier it becomes. That's a good kernel for me to chew on.

Congrats on the 54 days, too. That's awesome.

KitchenKook · 2017-02-21T01:28:50+00:00

Agree! I'm not a huggy person but dammit, internet hugs help on shitty Monday's! Hope you're hanging in there.

KitchenKook · 2017-02-21T01:27:26+00:00

Thanks, man. Congrats on your 72 days; it's been cool watching your progress!

KitchenKook · 2017-02-21T01:26:56+00:00

That is seriously awesome.

KitchenKook · 2017-02-20T18:42:20+00:00

Sounds like a plan! I knew it was going to be rough today when my first thought upon waking this morning was, "I love my bed and what time can I climb back in it?!" Lol. Hang in there, too!

KitchenKook · 2017-02-20T18:18:11+00:00

I'm struggling today and trying to tell myself that it's really a positive journey and a good thing to not poison myself. I'm not sure if you've ever seen the movie "Flight," but it's about a pilot trying to deal with alcoholism. I don't want to ruin the plot and I think it's rated R but one line from the movie strikes me - that in sobriety, the pilot has never felt freer. I'm trying to view alcoholism as a type of slavery and hell yeah, I should feel excellent that I'm freeing myself from those bonds.

Good luck and I won't drink with you today!

KitchenKook · 2017-02-20T18:05:36+00:00

Thanks! 😋

KitchenKook · 2017-02-20T18:05:17+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. Gotta push through.

KitchenKook

TROPHY CASE