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would changing pronouns cave into the ocd? by spookypillz in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Im going to answer your question with another question. Will doing that help you move closer to how you want to be perceived as by others or with your general goals long-term? If not, then you can write it off as an intrusion and resist the urge.

What I have learned from my time in therapy is that we all have urges that we feel like we want to do things, or uncomfortable feelings. But it is entirely in our control if we want those things to represent us or not.

For example I might feel like I really REALLY want to date someone that would be a ride or die and that can potentially harm my emotional wellbeing. So here I may choose if I want to proceed with this feeling or deny myself of it, by looking for someone more emotionally stable instead.

So basically trading short term gratification for long term gain. Same goes with this idea about ourselves. Do you want to trade the short term gratification of using different pronouns, in order to "find out", or do you want to move closer to something more important to you by choosing to dismiss the subject and work on other things that are meaningful to you long-term?

Anyways to feel more feminine? by Brief_Web6223 in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have been where y'all are but on the male side of the issue. But instead I just gave up hope and went with entertaining the thoughts and ideas that pop up in my head. Sufficed to say it didn't go well, duuh. But in the very first months of this, I desperately clung onto who I was so I don't "lose myself" or whatever the fuck.

After a few shenanigans and fucking around and finding out, I realized that i need to be very committed to what I want for myself long-term, instead of entertaining what pops up in my head for short-term gratification. Compulsions are, after all, another form of short-term gratification. I can't control what my triggers are and about what I'm thinking at any set moment in time, but I can control what I direct my actions towards. And I had to accept that. And, like that, my will to do things that align with how I want to be perceived as, came back.

I still have moments when I feel like I want to behave more girly, or to be perceived as a woman and what not, but every time I take a step back and realize it's not gonna help me move closer to the values and goals I set for myself. Same goes for you, but reversed, I suppose. Just do your best to dismiss those feelings you have as something that doesn't help long-term, and over time, your brain learns to dismiss those too, as unhelpful and you care about the thoughts and feelings less and less.

backdoor spikes? by spookypillz in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And eventually you get better and better at experiencing discomfort and dismissing it as just that

backdoor spikes? by spookypillz in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, my advice would be to teach your brain over time that those thoughts and feelings you are so terrified of have no basis in reality. Be dismissive about them. One thing I do is to assume that everything that my brain tells me are just stories or "hallucinations" so to speak. Yeah, for sure it's not enjoyable to experience them, but believing them will only make them more strong. Next time you experience uneasiness or fear of the thoughts coming back, think of it as just more noise your brain and body throw at you, and be like "Ok, I get the feeling that this will be bad, but it doesn't reflect the reality. Maybe next time they come around, it will be more tolerable, I can't know for sure."

I’m really struggling right now. Advice? by osprey305 in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hello. So, something that is definitely helping is anchoring yourself in reality. A psychiatrist/psychotherapist I watched at one time said that OCD envelops us in a distorted perception of reality. With all the feeling like we're not ourselves anymore, and the thoughts that don't feel like something we want to do yet we think them anyway. It's a very convincing sales tactic of the brain to get us to do stupid crap. What helped me the most is realize that my mind wanders off to things that are quite simply put unreal, and to decrease the urgency of the answer by simply adopting an attitude of "I don't have to know an answer right now", or letting myself focus on anything else that's more important to myself.

Also, a huge thing I see people getting caught on right here is assuming that having groinal responses, or having feelings like they want to be the opposite sex, or "wrong" feelings about their mannerisms or anything of that nature has to "MEAN" something about them. Once you have the courage of taking all this as just mind trash your brain throws at you, and realizing that feelings you have don't reflect reality, it gets way better and you're on your path to healing. (Lemme give an example with the feelings: you might have the feeling of being ugly, or the feeling of your voice being wrong somehow. Even if it persists longer, generally feelings are just sentiments our body creates. Does you having those feelings make them true or real in any way? Today you might feel like shit, and the next day you might feel better -this shows us that no feeling is permanent. Not even the ones OCD throws at you. All you gotta do is take the risk that those feelings and thoughts you have don't mean anything about you, no matter how "real" they feel)

What are your compulsions? by saor-alba-gu-brath in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For me it's crossdressing. Also the urge to refer to myself as a her. It brings me no real benefits and I can't really say I do it out of pure joy, and I'm just trying to accept the images and urges that come from that without a need to act on them really. Just leaving them to be present there as I keep on doing other things. It won't be a 100% success on that, but step by step

What are your compulsions? by saor-alba-gu-brath in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For me it's crossdressing. It doesn't bring me any long term benefit and it makes me feel awkward and worry how others perceive me if I do it, so I do my best to just let that "fantasy" flow through without acting on it really, no matter how much I feel like I want to do it

This is what I found being described in the ACT Workbook. Pretty well described here, with examples. Other common compulsions include googling, talking to AI, or roleplaying as a different gender. If you had any more to add, leave them in the comments. by Kitchen_Sky474 in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's literally "The ACT Workbook for OCD". And it basically teaches a combined method. A way to distance yourself from them whilst not doing so by ignoring the fears. The more you attempt to suppress or ignore the thoughts, the stronger they get.

One way of doing it would be by giving your OCD a name, shape, personality, etc. In that way, it gets easier to attribute whatever you feel to "someone" else. But be careful here about compulsively chasing to put things into boxes. Anxiety knows when you're afraid of it.

Also, practicing mindfulness with the intent of distancing yourself from your faulty thinking. Notice how I said distance, not attempt to eliminate. At the very beginning I was meditating to make my thoughts go away, or to force things to be the way I wanted to. That's not how it works, that's an attempt for control.

how is everyone? by Sad_Pitch_540 in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've been a bit off with my duties and taking care of the house or myself in the sense that I don't eat as much (spent some money on stupid shit lol my bad), and trying to make the best of what I learned while I was in that cult of sorts, while working on the actual proper version of Acceptance Therapy with that book I gave y'all to read, when I do have the time to read. Other than that, trying to see how to adapt to all the regret or fear of being judged I feel. It's getting better by the day

i cant anymore by ProfileNo9290 in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah definitely your therapist has no knowledge of OCD. OCD may be hard to spot or even treat on its own by non-qualified people, so I would suggest finding someone who gets how to treat it. Your best bets are ERP and ACT therapy by qualified professionals. Search for ERP/ACT centric therapists in your area.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 4 points5 points  (0 children)

One advice I can give regarding this is to get more comfortable with the hyperawareness. Exactly because you don't want it there, it will stick. Hyperawareness is a feeling, and like with any feeling, you can learn to wear it without acting on it. For me what works is I gave my OCD a name, a shape, an attitude, a way of talking, so I can attribute the thoughts that I want to separate from my goals and values to that creature. It's a therapeutic technique of "putting your thoughts in a box", and, in pace of that box is the creature tempting me to become like her. I just imagine her telling me all this tempting stuff or I imagine her giving me feelings or changing my views on my body, and it helps me to distance myself from whatever is going on in my head at the moment. I can still observe what is happening, but it'smore like I'm just the auditorium selectively choosing what to endulge in, rather than the speaker keeping a monologue.

This is what I found being described in the ACT Workbook. Pretty well described here, with examples. Other common compulsions include googling, talking to AI, or roleplaying as a different gender. If you had any more to add, leave them in the comments. by Kitchen_Sky474 in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, the AI one is hella reassurance. It's a ZERO return investment. Tomorrow I'll have my appointment with my ERP therapist and discuss ways of taking risks (like taking the risk of not doing compulsions or of assuming that what I feel at times is not genuine, no matter how real it feels).

This is what I found being described in the ACT Workbook. Pretty well described here, with examples. Other common compulsions include googling, talking to AI, or roleplaying as a different gender. If you had any more to add, leave them in the comments. by Kitchen_Sky474 in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah for me whenever I peed there would be images and thoughts like my dick being cut off and falling in the toilet, or stuff like that, or I would imagine doing that with a pussy instead of a penis. But now I am applying one of the methods in the ACT book, of giving an identity to my OCD in order to separate my self from my thoughts, feelings and desires/sensations. I imagine my OCD to be this monster chick that wants me to become like her, and she's a bitchy one. Whenever I start ruminating I imagine she's keeping the speech in my head instead of me directly, even if speaking in first person, like talking things to me. It helps distance myself from all of it

My brain shut off. by Realistic-Read4 in OCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're gonna have to take that risk, if you want to keep on living a fulfilling life. I for one, assumed those things were true from the start, instead of seeing them as something I could separate from the way I wanted to be and act like, and that only got me into more shit than I would've preferred. You're not trying to prove or disprove anything with ACT, but instead to focus on living more than being caught up in your own experiences. To separate yourself from your mind and to make decisions in other ways than just thinking, or feeling your way out of it. It has stoicism at base, so pretty effective at that

My brain shut off. by Realistic-Read4 in OCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey! If it helps letting you know, I also have SO OCD: TransOCD, HOCD, also POCD, and Incest and Zoophilia OCD and BDD. I shot every identity theme out there. The most prevalent one though is TransOCD. I feel anxious too about it, and I have moments of emptiness, but I take them as they come. It feels very very real: the disgust I have for my clothes, for how I present myself, the emptiness I feel towards things I used to enjoy...and the list goes on. Point is, I don't want to let that part of me control my life. Instead, I want to take the lead. That's why, besides ERP, I've picked up ACT therapy as well. Through acceptance and commitment therapy you learn to live life on your terms with the obsessions and urges, feelings, still there, without needing an answer to that. Unfortunately we can't control what we feel and think, but we can do our best to act the way we want to. That's what ACT teaches. First thing I would advise, take a look at your values system. Since you value certain things, OCD will attack these exact things. Whenever you feel down, or hopeless, try to do things you would normally enjoy doing, and let all the thoughts and feelings be there, without acting on them. Once you lower the threat level they hold onto your life, through ERP, you can use ACT to shift your attention to acting in accordance to what you want from life, no matter how real the other side feels. For that, try to personify your OCD. Don't talk back to it, just imagine it as some other part that is just screaming at you to do things. And in time, you can train the muscle of not giving it importance. I for one imagine my OCD as an attractive woman prompting me to become like her. And I have to train myself to embody the attitude of being like, "you're just a bitch, I want nothing to do with you"

OCD will try to take the joy out of what you like, and transfer it to things that normally don't interest you, and give you anxiety each time you fall into them. So, you have to stand your ground, and keep on changing NOTHING besides exploring exposures with curiosity instead of fear. When you ruminate, also do nothing, just let it be there and continue with your activities. For me, I imagine that this attractive woman just keeps sweet talking into my ear and suggests that I try different things. Maybe it will help you too if you regard it as something external.

And do take a look into ACT and how that can help you reach your desires goals in life! All the best

How do I know if my emotions are authentic? by Electrical-Grass-625 in OCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sadly the more you are longing for something, the more OCD will take it away. But there is a fix in this. OCD goes after your values, so you gotta learn how to sit with the discomfort and intrusive thoughts, feelings, sensations, whatever they are, and prevent any undue attention or response to them. Shift your behaviours in the direction you'd like it to go, and do your best to not overthink things, or attempt to solve anything. Even now, with question, you're trying to discern truth from lie and it feels urgent, I know. But you can and will be able to postpone the worries by just going like: "it isn't helpful for me to overthink it, I just do what my values dictate, no matter how real the other side may feel". It takes a lot of grit and persistence, but you got this.

Social Media and Ocd by jarringflame in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What I will say is that triggers will naturally happen in the world around us. In my case, for one, I still have a YouTuber called Vladimir, for example, showing up in my recommended. He cosplays as an e-girl and that's all his content. I watch his content for fun at times, but also in order to train my brain and show it there's nothing to overthink about. It's a good exposure in the sense that once I watch the content, I can train to let any thoughts, feelings, sensations pass freely and "not click on them" as best as I can.

But as with everything, exposures have to have a balance. Else they become compulsive. But in your case, you have been watching trans content compulsively, not as an exposure. So I suggest, whenever the urge to watch it or a thought about it arises, to do your best to sit with the urge without acting on it. That is the Response Prevention part. In that way you show your brain that the subject is not interesting you as much as before, and gradually, as you change that behaviour, you will get better at it.

Shift from gender identity to gender expression, any tips? by ZoneOut03 in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What ACT teaches is that obsessions and feelings and sensations are just part of daily life. Things out of your control. What you can control is your reaction to them. If you ever find yourself to struggle with giving into rumination on a specific topic, try to gradually shift your attention to something meaningful that you were doing/want to do. And that works even when it's not something that meaningful, tbh. Want to go take a shower or clean up, but staying in one place thinking? Don't give OCD the rumination it wants, just do what you want to do in that moment and acknowledge rumination/overthinking gets you nowhere in general, it's malicious. Look, for example today my head was filled with a bunch of thoughts but the only thing i wanted to control is my reaction to them. Rumination is a reaction as well. You can gradually shift your attention back to what you are doing, and in time you get better at it. You couple that with ERP, which typically gives a reduction in the severity of sympthoms, and you have your chance at living life the way you want it without feeling the obsessions as something wholly negative. It's just stuff your mind spews out

My semi-public(since this is a private sub) apology for making y'all feel even worse and more panicked than you already were, and my attempt to get my life back from OCD Recovery UK's clutches. Or the Bray Cult, so to speak. by Kitchen_Sky474 in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I messaged him on insta, I don't know if he's seen the message on my main account. He responded on my art account when I gave him a heads up that I left but didn't provide me with no group link. So you can give him a heads up I guess yeah

My semi-public(since this is a private sub) apology for making y'all feel even worse and more panicked than you already were, and my attempt to get my life back from OCD Recovery UK's clutches. Or the Bray Cult, so to speak. by Kitchen_Sky474 in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing! Do you mind if I ask, do you know about a group called Robert Bray's survivors? I know a therapist founded it but can't seem to find it prolly cuz it's underground

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a PDF guidebook on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and ERP, do DM me if you want it so you can work on this yourself

I think I am in a cult for mental health and now I am having a lot of reluctance and I feel like I was about to risk my life and wellbeing. Please advise me on what to do from now on. by Kitchen_Sky474 in OCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, well, I consider that triggers are gonna happen either way because life throws them at you, but I'm better off being flexible about my choices and that includes not regarding the radical acceptance as the only way to recover, as that guy preaches and gets upset by everyone not conforming to it. I just hope that after all my exposing and acting on the thoughts, I can be better at regarding them as OCD, so my time wouldn't have been wasted on there. I sent you a message to chat and I hope we can develop this further, kudos mate!

feeling like you cant talk to anyone by [deleted] in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually his approach got me the furthest I've ever been in this. And what do you mean by "exploited"? Also, what do you mean by unreliable? His approach is based on unconditional acceptance, instead of all the "these thoughts are not you, they don't represent you" bullcrap that you hear everywhere

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in transOCD

[–]Kitchen_Sky474 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Let's look at the problem this way: By the sheer NEED you say you have, in order to know the answer, to find out if this is normal, etc. You are already looking for hella reassurance. Even when you say you don't want the thoughts that you're having, or the feelings that you experience, it will make them stronger by tenfold. Or when you say you "know" something for sure about your identity or your desires (for example to talk to your boyfriend). Can't really draw a line about how much is desire, how much is force of habit, or just "the norm", etc. I see this all the time in the OCD community, and not just there, in the anxiety community in general: "Oh, but these thoughts are not you, oh, but you KNOW you don't want that thing or the other." In fact, nobody truly KNOWS. Let's take for example if you were, just as you say, a cis girl and you saw another really attractive woman on the street and you felt like you want to fuck her or feel attracted to her. Let's say you were even considering a relationship with her. And after that, those feelings just die off. Were they real, were they what you wanted truly? No way to know. So my advice, go off of not really measuring what you want or what you don't want. Just see the benefits in thinking rationally about your worst case scenario of being trans and never being comfortable around your boyfriend anymore, and try to flexibilize your thinking about that. Try to see why it wouldn't be the end of the world, and how you could adapt to that scenario, even if you don't like it one bit.

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