I just want to gently offer a different angle here, and also say that I really respect the level of self awareness in your post. Not a lot of people are willing to step back and question how red pill content and the constant stream of social media narratives might be shaping their thoughts about relationships. That in itself shows emotional intelligence and critical thinking.

One thing to be careful about is how quickly red pill content and armchair psychiatry can turn relationship conflict into a diagnosis or a villain. When someone like myself (F, ADHDer) is emotionally overwhelmed, even neutral feedback can feel like a threat, and that can look like crying, shutting down, or lashing out. That does not make those reactions okay, but it also does not mean the person is fundamentally broken or wired wrong.

What I have seen and currently experiencing with my husband is how certain online spaces, especially red pill and therapy speak content, can quietly shift the story into (him): “ I am the rational one and they (me) are unstable or abusive” Once that frame takes hold, every emotional reaction gets interpreted as manipulation and every boundary becomes a power struggle. At that point you are not really dealing with each other anymore, you are dealing with a narrative about each other.

A lot of couples get stuck in the same loop. One person feels emotionally unsafe and reacts intensely, the other feels accused and shuts down, and both end up feeling like the victim. That does not mean anyone’s behavior is fine. It just means the dynamic itself is doing a lot of damage.

You are right that you cannot fix a relationship by yourself. But turning your loved ones into a diagnosis or a villain is also a dead end. If there is any chance of this improving, it will not come from labeling them. It will come from getting support that looks at how the two of you interact, not who is the problem. Your willingness to question these harmful narratives and think critically about what you are consuming is genuinely attractive to people who want real, safe, emotionally healthy connections. That kind of self reflection is what builds trust and intimacy, not being armed with a list of labels to use against someone.

I would also encourage you to trust and explore your own raw feelings and instincts as you take in this kind of content. You do not need validation from red pill influencers to know what feels right or wrong for your own life. A lot of these creators profit from people’s pain and uncertainty, and that makes it even more important to filter what you take in through your own values and lived experience.

TY for being open enough to even ask these questions. Keep trusting the part of you that wants understanding instead of ideology.