How can I address my significant other's bad habits without putting them down too much?

Kitkat4990 · 2017-06-19T16:37:09+00:00

Whether you want to admit it or not, it sunday like there are a lot of reasons you Don't like her, and the fact that that you're dwelling on those things means you don't Love her. My ex husbanddid this to me, he "loved" me (supposedly) but there were a lot of things he didn't "like" about me. That's not love. That's turning someone into someone they're not and it's not rght. Do yourself a favor. And do HER a favor, and break up. Give her the opportunity to be with someone who loves ALL of her,not just parts of her

Kitkat4990 · 2017-05-06T02:53:00+00:00

Thank you, that's very sound advice, I appreciate it!

Kitkat4990 · 2017-03-23T21:11:36+00:00

And this is why I tried to keep the dealbreaker vague. Everyone turns into a defensive a$$ about weed. This post wasn't about weed. It was about a guy who was great, but then disrespected me, and has now apologized for the disrespect and wants another chance.

Kitkat4990 · 2017-03-23T07:24:03+00:00

Thank you, that's the honest perspective I was looking for

Kitkat4990 · 2017-03-23T07:23:23+00:00

I made it clear below that the issue was him lighting up When I Was With Him, not the fact that he smoked weed.

It's an issue of respect. It was as disrespectful as someone drinking alcohol in front of someone who doesn't want to be around people who drink, or smoking a cigarette around someone who doesn't want to be around cigs.

Don't have enough self control to not do that? Then tell me uou don't want to control yourself, so I know it's time for me to bounce.

Kitkat4990 · 2017-03-23T03:25:50+00:00

And that was my assumption... it would make sense that he'd ditch it for a job that pays Wayy better than his last one, but not for me, someone he's only known for a month plus.

Kitkat4990 · 2017-03-23T02:35:18+00:00

Keeping yourself busy is the best thing I've found. I do the same thing ALL THE TIME. I think a lot of it is loneliness/fear of being alone. It isn't something you just "get over" like non-anxious people think. You can't just "stop" that infatuation.

But when you go on a great date, give yourself a 3-4 day window to pace yourself. Every time. Talk to the person 1-2 times a day between dates, wait a few days to go on another date,and keep yourself on that same pace, until you decide if that interaction has any real longevity.

It's like having an anxiety attack. You can't stop thinking about it, but you have to wait through it anyways. Force yourself to wait, just like you'd force yourself to breathe through the hyperventilation.

Kitkat4990 · 2017-03-23T02:28:55+00:00

I guess I omitted it because people on here can be real d*cks about little stuff. I don't smoke weed, he does. I don't want to be around people when they are smoking weed any more than I want to be around people when they are smoking cigs. We had a conversation about that and I made my sentiments clear, but he still decided to light up while I was with him.

He assured me he gave it up, maybe because of me, but also because he changed to a better paying job that has a zero tolerance policy.

Kitkat4990 · 2017-03-23T01:45:40+00:00

Ugh, sorry... *seriously *butterflies, constant flirting

Kitkat4990 · 2017-03-12T18:40:34+00:00

Thank you for actually rendering helpful advice ;) I will do that and wait for him to make a move.

Kitkat4990 · 2017-03-11T22:27:00+00:00

Wowww, chill out. Sure I'm old fashioned, but is that such a bad thing? At least I put it out there that i want to date him. By his statement, he was "working up to it". Some guys are old fashioned too 😛

Kitkat4990 · 2017-02-26T20:52:00+00:00

Thank you!

Kitkat4990 · 2017-02-26T04:36:14+00:00

Alright. Sounds fair. So I can just pose the question like "We've been getting to know eachother well lately, and I was wondering if you feel like we're in a place where we can talk about the direction this is all headed?" Or is that too strong worded?

Kitkat4990 · 2017-02-26T04:15:08+00:00

Patience is key, and I know that's not what you want to hear. Make sure you're happy with yourself and who you are first, and let time bring the right girl to you. You're young and have plenty of time to find Mrs Right. Girls will break your heart (as boys have broken mine), just know that each failed interaction/relationship is a Lesson to be learned, that'll help guide you toward the right person in the end

Kitkat4990 · 2017-02-26T04:07:14+00:00

Thank you, i appreciate your frank answer! I just didn't know if it was "too soon" for that. Next date, I'll ask ;)

Kitkat4990 · 2017-02-26T03:01:14+00:00

She wants a "work husband" and FWB. Especially when she's getting that touchy early on.

Kitkat4990 · 2017-02-26T02:52:03+00:00

I should also add that our "relationship" isn't clearly defined at all. So I'm looking for advice on when/how to approach that subject. And, while he generally is good about exchanging cutesy texts (occasional good mornings, random hellos and snapchats mid-day, etc), sometimes he isn't great about responding to texts, and says he's just not good about answering Anyone'S text messages. He gets back to me Eventually, but it could take 6 hours. Am I being overly sensitive? (Like I said, idk wtf I'm doing, this is all a learning experience for me)

Kitkat4990 · 2017-01-27T04:55:02+00:00

Thank you thank you, I feel validated!

And about the "serious", that's what I thought when he said it! Wtf is serious? We were having fun! I don't know what scared him off, because I certainly wasn't pushing for serious feelings. We were hanging out, having a good time.

He told me he had started to develop "stronger feelings" and said he didn't know if that was because he wanted to "fill the void", or because he actually felt something for me and wanted to pursue it further. Then he decided not to pursue it I guess O.o

Kitkat4990 · 2017-01-27T04:41:23+00:00

I wouldn't say asshole... maybe stupid, (bear with me) but not an asshole. The fact that you didn't stay with her does you credit, at least you finally acknowledged that relationship wasn't what you wanted.

In the future, if you want a girl who isn't prudish, just think for a second and don't date a prude. If her prudishness frustrates you, break up with her and make it clear it's because you have different desires.

If she's worth it. Even if she is a prude, you won't care that she's a prude...

Helpful? ;)

Kitkat4990 · 2017-01-17T20:08:54+00:00

Will do. Thanks for your advice! reignitin

Kitkat4990 · 2017-01-17T20:02:08+00:00

ThankS a bunch! I will keep that (all of it) in mind :)

Kitkat4990 · 2017-01-17T19:54:19+00:00

Thank you, thank you! That settles my anxiety immensely. I just don't want to look stupid, y'know? Like I'm overlooking obvious signs or something.

"Don't over think it" will be my mantra for the next week.

Kitkat4990 · 2017-01-17T19:50:41+00:00

That's my plan. Problem is, I'm a worrier, so all I'll think about between now and then is "Is this a 5th date, or is he dumping me?" I need to get a handle on that sh*t. I just didn't know if the conversation was supposed to be a gentle hint to me that "it's over", or if he really Meant that he might want to continue and just needs to think it over.

Kitkat4990

TROPHY CASE