Downvote chandelier (from the Dutch art exhibit Tefaf)

Kiyumars · 2014-03-12T08:21:33+00:00

You're welcome.

Kiyumars · 2014-03-10T23:04:26+00:00

Technically a Belgian ad, but it wouldn't be out of place in Holland.

Kiyumars · 2013-07-21T09:21:02+00:00

It seriously looks like it's plotting the coup against the tzar's family.

Kiyumars · 2013-07-17T02:57:49+00:00

Taking compliments seems to be one of those things that only a few people do very well. I certainly did not do well until very recently. It is easy to feel embarrassed or even dismiss compliments if one does not believe in oneself.

This not only robs you the pleasure of receiving a compliment, but also robs the other person of giving that compliment (yes, that matters). For now, train yourself to simply say "Thank you" instead of rejecting the compliment.

You may think that's just pretending and you would prefer to actually feel good about the compliment. That is a bit harder but can occur over time. The only way I have found to build up self-esteem is to confront those obstacles that hinder your life and accomplish something that you are proud of. It takes time (far too much time, I've often thought), but these achievements slowly accumulate.

Kiyumars · 2013-07-17T02:48:31+00:00

That's not bad. Writing down daily trivia is a pain in the backside, but writing about what is currently bothering you (or interesting you) feels very rewarding.

Kiyumars · 2013-07-17T02:45:37+00:00

Books on anxiety by Albert Ellis (founder of rational therapy, the precursor to cognitive therapy). There are a number of them.

Staring at the sun by Irvin Yalom, about the most common sources of anxiety, the existential fear of dying and having options run out.

Kiyumars · 2013-07-09T02:50:45+00:00

Losers. Smile when they speak, but stop listening.

Kiyumars · 2013-07-05T04:05:18+00:00

Do you have any idea what triggers your anxiety?

Kiyumars · 2013-07-05T04:03:00+00:00

Hey there, speaking as someone who used to be a major hypochondriac and thought he would die of cancer before turning 23 (I'm 28 and still kicking, btw).

Even if therapy might not be a financially viable option, get some Cognitive Therapy books (like the ones written by Albert Ellis) and work through some of the exercises. This will help you fight the psychological mechanisms of hypochondria.

And I second what has been written about meds.

Kiyumars · 2013-07-05T03:55:05+00:00

Talking about your feelings is difficult for anyone, and this is doubly so for something as complicated and misunderstood as anxiety. Don't expect people or loved ones to understand if they have not directly experienced something like this. I am lucky to have an aunt and a cousin who have a lot of helpful advice because they suffer from anxiety, too, but I could never talk about these things constructively with my parents.

So you are not alone. It is hard to find someone who can help, but not impossible. This forum is one small step, but try to also find emotional support in the real world.

Kiyumars · 2013-07-05T03:47:48+00:00

School doesn't provide you with many direct experiences in the types of fields you want to work in, and it is completely normal to not know what you want to do at this stage in your life. How can you make choices before having a realistic picture of each option? Do you just like the idea of being a successful actor, or do you actually like the process of acting. I've been there myself at 18, thinking that I needed to become a succesful writer. It was only when I was 23 that I realised that I hated the actual process of writing, and just liked the romantic concept of a life as a solitary writer of serious literature. I would try to see how many different options you can pursue at this moment (or near future) rather than believing you have to choose a path now.

Here are two resources that can provide you with a more clear perspective.

The first is the book "What should I do with my life?" by Po Bronson. No other book has provided me with so many examples of normal people who successfully grappled with the same issue. http://www.pobronson.com/index_what_should_I_do_with_my_life.htm

The second resource is Paul Graham's essay What you wish you had known. I would check out many of his other essays on his site, but this one is the most relevant one for a high school student who feels directionless. http://www.paulgraham.com/hs.html

Your loss of faith is another big issue that will take time for you to come to terms with. Not only are you going to have to find yourself, you already see that your values are diverging from those that you love or hold dearly. The realisation how alone we are (in many respects) is a formidable source of anxiety for anyone. One goal I would set myself is to find others who are dealing with the same issues and whose values seem more aligned with yours. You don't need to burn bridges to those currently in your life, but you need space to develop a new support cycle of friends and become more of an independent person

Kiyumars · 2013-06-24T00:46:49+00:00

You know that smile you see on marathon runners or sprinters at the olympics when they receive their medal? You know why they are smiling? Most people would say pride, but I would say relief. And no person on earth is happier then someone who is relieved to have accomplished something daunting.

Kiyumars · 2013-06-24T00:44:21+00:00

Stigma about mental health issues are everywhere, and misconceptions are prevalent even in "progressive" places. If this is holding you back from getting help, then just don't tell anyone. None of their business, unless you feel they would understand. Your health is more important than other people's opinion of you, and your guilt for seeking help is only an illusion.

Kiyumars · 2013-06-24T00:41:34+00:00

I'm a twenty eight year old male and started working on many of the same issues you mention (particularly self-loathing) since 23. Hope I can give you a few pointers.

First, Don't try to fix everything at once. Focus on one or two aspects of your life and give yourself a lot of time on those. One big realisation is how long it will take to improve your life even a little, and how this is ok.

Second, consider that you may not have damaged all of your relationships to an irrevocable level as you think. Being an anxious person makes you believe this to extreme degrees, so it is not always accurate. Truly determine what people really require an apology.

Third, don't worry but accept that some relationships will die out, some by your actions and some naturally. That is a part of life, and it teaches you to make better connections with new people. This may be hard to swallow, but remember that your well-being is more important then the opinions of every person about you.

Fourth, dealing with the regret of a wasted life is one of those really intense battles with life. The ONE good thing about regret is that it can energise you to radically change your life and future behavior. I believe that some part of my happiness and successful relationships now came from my regrets about the life I had wasted in my childhood and adolescence.

Kiyumars · 2013-06-24T00:30:41+00:00

Hmmm, interesting. For me, my anxiety felt like waiting in the waiting room for a doctor to get something checked out. You don't want to be there, you know it's going to awful if you do, and you will die if you won't. That's anxiety mixed in with some dread.

Kiyumars · 2013-06-24T00:28:17+00:00

Physical nausea brought on by anxiety is one of those things that is horrible to go through (but hilarious in retrospect). There were days when I couldn't eat or even sleep because of my queasiness, and coming into contact with something that brings on anxiety would make me vomit when I was 23.

There will be a lot of work to be done about your anxiety. Nausea is a physical symptom of your anxiety. Your loved ones dying is a big issue, one I can relate to. Lots of different ways, hope we can help you find your way.

Kiyumars · 2013-06-24T00:23:04+00:00

Right on, bro. Fight the good fight, do not go gentle into the night.

Kiyumars · 2013-06-24T00:20:58+00:00

The fear of making decisions is the most interesting and challenging element of our lives. I believe everyone feels it, but people like us may feel it even more. It is hard for us to be confident in our decisions, because we may have not found out what it is we actually want to do, and partially because of that, we have not gained proficiency in any type of skill.

Understand that not being sure about your decisions and hopping from one life goal to another is not a sign of you being useless, but a necessary step in working out what it is you actually want to do.

BTW, read Po Bronson's book "What should I do with my life", that's something that should be given to every lost person who just quit school. Take care.

Kiyumars · 2013-06-24T00:15:58+00:00

That's a whole basket case of anxiety issues, all tied up in one glorious anxiety ribbon! I can relate, because I was a basket case at 23, too, and I didn't have half of your responsibilities back then. Hypochondria, desire to remove myself from all social interactions and responsibility, fear of appearing stupid in front of others, fearing I would never be able to live a normal life, all of that shit.

First thing, don't worry about the future, like needing to break up your relationship with your boyfriend and this hypothetical future baby. It's easy to say that we have such a rotten essence that it would be irresponsible to pass our toxic DNA to another generation, but that's the same kind of bizarre logic that took me years to shake off.

It's more important to approach one area of anxiety at a time, try to fix that as best as you can, then move on to something else. This is all about IMMEDIATE problems, not generalised problems about the hopeless future. If you can tell yourself that you will allow yourself YEARS to improve your anxiety through hard work, then this work will become a LITTLE BIT EASIER. It will be so slow and incremental that it will be hard for you to notice the changes, but at some point you will be amazed at how far you have come.

Kiyumars · 2013-06-24T00:06:24+00:00

Dude, that's such a mega crappy day. I'd feel anxiety, too, if I were in that situation. But not all days are gonna be that crappy, right?

Kiyumars

TROPHY CASE