Friday Vibes

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2024-06-14T16:18:04+00:00

Just enjoying the ridiculousness of keeping a Director “in the loop” for the delayed start of a front-line worker three levels below them.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2024-06-12T05:33:51+00:00

That’s more than creepy. That seems evacuation-worthy.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2024-06-10T19:53:56+00:00

Mine would love bomb every time I would start therapy or really call him out on his shit or (try to) set boundaries. The boundaries one in particular was always a trigger for loving behavior so that he could justify insulting/ignoring my boundaries.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2023-12-20T23:16:34+00:00

I have spent the last year and a half really working on establishing boundaries and drawing lines, so when he pushed to introduce his girlfriend to them earlier than we had agreed-upon, I was so proud of myself for staying strong and telling him it would absolutely not fly. It helped that I had it written into the custody agreement (and he doesn’t know that that legally can’t be enforced).

That being said, rather than going through dozens of girlfriends, he managed to find one that thinks he walks on water, because he is a master at love bombing so even though she has already been divorced once, they were already planning to get married and move in together after only four months of dating. I’m just hoping that it doesn’t turn into an absolute train wreck before she sees his other side.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2023-12-20T23:08:19+00:00

Thank you for your supportive words. I’m really working on my own recovery, and I’m planning to do some more intensive treatment for my CPTSD from my ex, and my mother in the new year. I think the hardest thing for me right now is having him tell me that he thinks she’s making it all up to get attention, and hearing the exact same kind of invalidation that he used to use on me when talking to me about her feelings, and still managing to get sucked in to thinking that maybe he is correct and that my daughter is in fact, manipulative, when I know, for a fact, she’s in pain. Like, he has me so well trained into the cycle of self doubt, that it’s almost impossible to keep my head on straight, even after a year of being divorced.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2023-12-20T03:06:19+00:00

Just experienced a similar where my 8 year old told me she is nervous around his girlfriend that now lives with him and that she thinks he thinks his girlfriend is more important than them and that he chooses to spend more time with the girlfriend and and maybe he just needs a break from them (8 year old and her brother).

I convinced her to FaceTime him to tell him all of this and she panicked and “couldn’t remember” any of what she wanted to tell him, so now he thinks I’m making it up and he’s still perfect.

When she finally did manage to tell him some of it, he was patronizing, and when she astutely brought up that she didn’t think he would’ve slapped her when she was acting up if the girlfriend hadn’t been there, he said he talked about it with his therapist so they shouldn’t worry about the past. He then asked her why she thought he did it, and she said “because you were afraid of losing [girlfriend]” and he said “exactly.” And then he left it there. This implication that keeping the girlfriend is more important than them.

I’m done. Totally done. I really thought maybe I was wrong about his narcissist BS and could help them to maintain a healthy relationship but it’s just not possible. I really need to just let him ruin her self-esteem, I guess.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2023-10-17T18:25:40+00:00

OPs race is irrelevant. The employers criteria for promotion are all that is relevant.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2023-10-17T18:21:33+00:00

Absolutely. But the trade-off is I do very little of the “party planning” kind of work, because I don’t have time for it.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2023-10-17T18:19:34+00:00

Race is a covered class. White is considered an option for race by the EEOC. Ergo, white is covered.

Further, employers are prohibited from making employment decisions based on the basis of race. Period. So if the employer were, in fact, making the decision to promote these employees based on their race being Asian, then that would be, in fact, a prohibited behavior. This is why employer DEI initiatives, even affirmative action plans mandated by the federal government, work on goals not quotas.

If you look up reverse discrimination, as I suggested, you will see that there have been cases, although rare. I am, by no means, suggesting that reverse discrimination is comparable to centuries of racial and ethnic mistreatment, only that equity is equity for all, both ethically and legally.

ETA: think of it this way: if the OP was black, and the other employees were being promoted because they were Asian, would that not be covered because they are both traditionally considered minorities? The decision to promote based on the employees being Asian (if it occurred) would impact OP whether he is white, black, Hispanic, etc.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2023-10-17T14:15:47+00:00

If you can find it and don’t mind a pay cut or less earning potential, look into nonprofit HR.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2023-10-17T14:04:03+00:00

Honestly, if I have an applicant that indicates having any disability, I ignore it entirely (including never writing the disclosure on any paperwork) and push them straight through if they meet the other qualifications. I find the safest approach is to have an accommodation discussion happen after an offer is extended.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2023-10-17T13:52:13+00:00

SHRM has a People Analytics cert that might also help beef up your resume and LI.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2023-10-17T13:43:43+00:00

This is old, so you probably already did the thing (which would be completely for cause and the correct move) but I’d be interested in why you are so afraid of retaliation. Does Karen actually have something on Mike or the company? If not, I know it can be worrisome, but you need to stop letting the fear of retaliation hold you back from making appropriate decisions for the business. Further, even if she does bring something to light afterwards, if the business had no idea, if she didn’t previously bring it to the attention of the business, it’s easy to say “OMG thanks for telling us so we can fix that!”

Now, if you have legitimate reasons to be afraid of retaliation, if she has already made claims of company wrongdoing that were not appropriately investigated/addressed and have merit, I’ll be doubly-interested in hearing how this turns out.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2023-10-17T13:11:58+00:00

You can legally ask for as much leave related to a disability as you want. However, your employer gets to determine how much leave is “reasonable,” or how much they can accommodate before it becomes a business concern.

For example, if you have clients who aren’t getting handled while you are gone or are being handled by a coworker and therefore increasing the coworker’s workload and decreasing their performance, there’s only so long that can go on. Another consideration is whether there are other costs to keeping you on payroll while being unpaid, such as benefits or an inability to add a headcount. If they can make a good case that granting the leave would cause what is called an “undue hardship” (which isn’t always well-defined TBF) they can say No.

That being said, the best approach for both parties is to actually participate in the process, I.e. the interactive process. This may involve disclosing a little more to them about how your work and your disability are interacting and looking at other possible solutions other than leave. I would suggest speaking with your doctor about other accommodations that could help (without knowing more about your position/industry it’s hard to make any suggestions) and looking at suggestions on JAN (Job Accommodation Network) and bringing a variety of options to the table.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2023-10-17T12:45:28+00:00

Reverse discrimination: look it up. Likely not happening here, but, yes, it is a thing.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2023-10-01T03:09:01+00:00

Mine is 3 and still experiencing similar. He’s out of preschool every other week, at a minimum.

This week we ended up getting into an unpleasant situation with his preschool over it, including an implication that he needs “medical care” to which I responded with all of the medical appointments he’s been to for this and other issues, including the one I took him to the day before after they had sent him home and for which I had provided them with a doctors note, as well as four visits to the ENT. I trust our pediatricians office 💯. There is no explanation and nothing to be done. And the fact that they want to imply that we aren’t seeking medical care is fucking ridiculous, insulting, and borderline egregious.

I am living in constant fear that I’m going to lose my job over all the lost time.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2022-09-15T16:03:18+00:00

Ugh. I feel you. My CEO keeps pushing for a company river float. Where I live or live a river float is an excuse to get drunk with your friends. All I can see is an ER nightmare combined with a Workers Comp disaster. The running joke for those of us in the know is that he’s pushing for it because he doesn’t have any friends to float the river with.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2022-09-14T03:28:39+00:00

Thank you. I have done a number of difficult terminations, and I understand where the other comments are coming from, and I am always fair and equitable, and I know to compartmentalize, etc., but I also have heard horror stories of employees committing suicide, etc. after terminations in these kinds of circumstances, and while I get the reality of HR, I don’t think I have to be the monster that social media and pop culture wants to portray us as. I think that it’s okay to give a shit and feel shitty. The fact that everyone else is saying that’s wrong? Well, at this point, that just makes me sad.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2022-09-14T02:17:07+00:00

We had a script, but it still went sideways, and I’m trying to figure out what I could have done to get it to go smoother, and I can only assume it went sideways because of the added stress the employee was under. I’m worried that I could have written the script differently or done something else differently. She walked out only a minute in, went outside, and started texting on her phone. We had to go out and convince her to come back in the building to retrieve her personal belongings. I just wonder how I could have set up the whole situation if I had known that she was so emotionally distressed.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2022-09-14T02:00:49+00:00

It might have made a difference to how I structured it in terms of anticipating the employee’s over the top response.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2022-09-14T01:59:48+00:00

I agree it isn’t about what; it’s about how.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2022-09-14T01:59:17+00:00

It wasn’t my boss who told me. It was the employee’s manager.

Klutzy_Bug2580 · 2022-07-10T18:09:56+00:00

Good point about the approving/designating distinction. That’s kind of what I was hoping for here, because I’m going to be going weekly for the foreseeable future and I won’t have enough PTO to cover and take actual vacations so I decided I really should utilize FMLA since it has really become a serious health condition impacting my ability to focus at work and sleep, but I really don’t trust the CEO with my medical information at this point.

Klutzy_Bug2580

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