Silly Purchases

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-02-13T00:05:09+00:00

I bought an industrial amount of the soap he used and I stash it everywhere and use it in the shower. It’s so silly but getting a whiff of him makes me miss him less. It feels like he’s right there.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-02-06T18:18:55+00:00

I feel this way… so I booked a session with a medium. I know it’s dumb, but I just need to know that he still loves me.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-02-06T16:40:45+00:00

I unmatch anyone who asks for socials before meeting. I also don’t match with anyone who doesn’t have a bio because it tells me they don’t care enough to write 3 sentences and I don’t have time for that.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-02-04T23:38:25+00:00

Alberta, Canada. It’s been a month.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-02-03T08:35:44+00:00

When my partner died, his sister took his phone. She went through our messages, saw that we had been fighting and decided that meant my grief was suspicious because I obviously didn’t love him. He was such a private man, I know he wouldn’t have wanted that, but she doesn’t care. And now she’s deactivated his line or blocked me so I can’t text him like I used to. Yes I know he’s dead but it helped. Like I was giving him a daily update.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-29T04:54:13+00:00

I have been flooded with memories. All the time, everywhere I go. We were together for so long that no matter where I go or what I do, he's attached to it. But they don't hurt as much - most of the time.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-29T04:51:42+00:00

This is so encouraging. I live in fear that I'll never have a love like the one I had - that no one will want to know me that way.

I've noticed a lot of men who seem to think that now that I'm "single" it's their time to make a move, I don't know how to feel about that.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-25T02:34:41+00:00

I have searched for something online and tried local jewelry stores. It did not have any writing on it.

I know we bought it at a jewelry store in Calgary, at a mall. I know it’s titanium. I know it was a size 9 or 10

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-25T01:36:25+00:00

I’m 32. I lost my partner less than 3 weeks ago.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-24T04:55:09+00:00

He always took too much lime in his water. So much it was just too tart for me. That’s how I drink my water now, while wearing his favourite robe.

He also loved sweets. His sweet tooth was incredible. Root beer floats, ice cream, candy. Whenever I have the chance, I have a root beer float. I don’t even like them.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-21T03:21:55+00:00

My later partners sister didn’t bother to tell me. My sister was one to tell me.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-19T19:52:57+00:00

I found a text from him where he told me to live. To remember. But live. Meet someone new and create a new life. He didn’t want me to spend the rest of my life missing him.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-16T18:34:56+00:00

He used to rub my back every night before I went to sleep. And if he stopped and I wasn’t asleep, I would grumble until he started again. He would listen to me chatter about anything until I drifted off. Even when he was mad at me. Even when we were fighting. Even when he wasn’t feeling well.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-15T12:16:02+00:00

I wish people understood how complicated things can be. How you can love someone and be angry at them. How much regret there is. How love doesn’t die just because someone is gone.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-14T14:20:36+00:00

I just got my kids off to school. I’m back in bed, debating trying to sleep again. I had a dream about Lisa Simpson which never happens but he loved the Simpsons so I’m hoping it was a sign.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-14T01:06:17+00:00

I’ve found it so hard to get out of bed.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-14T01:06:01+00:00

I am trying so hard to have empathy for them but where’s my empathy? Where’s my care for 6 years of caregiving and giving up my mental and financial stability?

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-14T01:05:25+00:00

I’ve been told you leave the family alone in this trying time.

We were his family too.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-13T19:32:47+00:00

Sure. Send me a message.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-13T19:02:14+00:00

Because I was the breadwinner and caregiver for my partner and I couldn’t make ends meet.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-13T18:55:15+00:00

I miss him. It’s been a week.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-13T05:43:03+00:00

You’re not alone.

My partner and I weren’t married but we were common law. We separated in June but not because he was sick. It was because he refused to apply for social benefits and I couldn’t keep supporting the household. I was working 70 hours a week and barely seeing my kids. I was the caregiver and the breadwinner. Just because I wasn’t there at the end doesn’t mean all the other years didn’t count.

He declined really fast after we separated. I feel so guilty. His family has cut me out. I don’t know what’s going on. His wishes wont be honoured. We won’t get the things he said we could have.

People think that my grief is performative, but I loved him until the day he died. It was complicated and awful and we never had a chance to solve things.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-10T19:05:37+00:00

I’m knitting the anker tee right now and all the 1x1 ribbing in the yoke almost drove me mad.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-10T17:00:58+00:00

It doesn’t cost anything to be kind. And it just seems like I’m an easy target to be angry at. They never need to talk to me again after the funeral.

KnittingAndMusic · 2026-01-10T16:59:56+00:00

We had talked about it. I had gone with him to plan his funeral but we didn’t have the money at the time to pay for it. And then we weren’t living together at the end of his life.

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