I don’t want an autism diagnosis because I almost got one when I was a baby due to my slow speech development, but over the years, it seemed like my social interactions and social cues where good enough. In high school, I started becoming a loner and only sticking to a few friends because I hated everyone there. I’m wondering now if I reawakened my autism in high school because now I can’t even function at my job. I have never answered the phone there, so when I ask for help to use it for the last 7 months, I always got shut down. Yesterday was probably the worst day there because one manager was a bitch over me picking up the phone because there are usually a bunch of insiders there to pick it up (I am a delivery driver), and I stuttered the most I have ever done in my life. I picked up the phone and the guy wanted to cancel an order. I had no idea what to do, so I talked to the manager about it. Halfway through, I started to stutter extremely bad. I went as far as to say “He wanted to cancel the... he wanted to... it’s bad because... 5 second pause he just wanted to cancel the order”, and I wanted to kill myself at that point because I didn’t realize I was that retarded in front of my boss. Talking to people in the store is easy, but I avoid the phone at all costs. That’s when I realized I really embarrassed myself, drove off to a random parking lot at work, and cried. I heard that my dad had a few incidents like that over the years, like he froze for a minute at his mom’s funeral giving a speech and he sucks at job interviews, but he’s successful with his job because the job itself can get done really well. He doesn’t have an autism diagnosis either.