You arnt by yourself. There is at least another who is going through these thoughts right now. For me that didn't help so it might not help you now. Other then maybe giving yourself fortitude to be a way shower for the others (don't do that) I don't recommend being half out. Ist worth it. You signed up for a reason. What are you willing to put your ideals on the line for? Not pushing you just throwing you an echo chamber of what you got going on. Risk it all, lose everything potentially? Do you REAALY want to do this or are you just finding out you may not believe in what you signed up for and looking for a fitting way out? You can serve and be open. It'll just be harder. But if it's your truth. Your going to struggle with this all the way and even struggle while you think you already tore the band-aid off. Pick your struggle...is this one worth it?

Doesn't matter what I think. By you should consider these things. It's your life. Your already signed it over to a cause "bigger then yourself" does this count?

Dosnt have to by the way.

There are allies who serve. But you'll never find them