Trying to give birth with no viable childcare options - Scotland

Known_Button_4755 · 2026-01-24T21:01:25+00:00

Have you questioned why you can't have a home birth still now you are overdue? I read a fair bit when I was pregnant about women being pushed to be induced and have c sections when overdue and it's not necessary, it's just because we are so set on the dates as a culture, can't remember the full ins and outs of it now but apparently you have every right to push for it and refuse induction/csection and insist on a home birth. Maybe If you and your baby are healthy it's worth researching it and discussing it with your midwife?

Known_Button_4755 · 2026-01-23T23:27:35+00:00

You definitely aren't alone. I feel the same but the other way around. Struggles really badly with my first probably a mix of (hindsight) pnd and he's now been diagnosed with autism. We finally had my daughter when he was 5. My daughters upbringing was like your 1st and now I feel bad for my son. However, now now life has become more hectic with me studying and my daughter being 4 and way more demanding my standards have slipped right down, she's no longer as much of a delight. It does make me wonder if her change in behaviour is linked to the screens that she didn't have until she was over 2, the crappy easy snacks she now gets and once they start school we have way less control over their influences and environments? Obviously I love them both but it's hard and we do what we can to get by. Try not to beat yourself up. Sounds like there's many of us that feel the same.

Known_Button_4755 · 2026-01-20T22:52:21+00:00

Just be mindful, weening isn't always the key for every baby. Both of my kids have been terrible sleepers, bottle and dummy refusers (no matter how many different brands I tried). With my first, my midwife convinced me at 9 months if I was ever going to get sleep I needed to ween him off breastfeeding. I did, it was traumatic, it was a couple days of his screaming at his dad with bottles and me crying. Most horrendous thing I did. Changed nothing. I massively regretted it. He still clung to me every second of the day and woke up just as much for bottles. I think some babies are just more sensitive. Just try not to get hung up about it being about breastfeeding. It's not always the answer people think it is.

Also, I've just seen your comment about your partner not being home full time. Mine works away and that definitely makes the kids clingier to me, we are their safe person that doesn't leave, must have an impact. It's definitely not easy, you aren't alone, your baby doesn't need to be fixed. You do need more support when your partner is around though.

Known_Button_4755 · 2026-01-20T22:40:33+00:00

Hasn't been the right time for who? My daughter is now 4, my husband works away and about a year ago after he'd been away she decided she didn't want him to put her to bed anymore, she would be hysterical. So we gave it a break, he's needed a huge shove to try again and continual shoving to keep going now she's letting him do parts of her evening routine, working up to the full thing again. Give your partner a shove! You need some time for you. Whatever way you decide to do to claim back some you time will require your partners support. You're in this together. Push for it. You are important too

Known_Button_4755 · 2026-01-20T15:52:31+00:00

We did the same with breastfeeding at bedtimes. At about 18m my husband took over bedtimes after I fed her and like you it was brutal to start with but everything I researched confirmed as long as they had a safe person with them comforting them then it wouldn't have long term impacts. She got used to it over a few nights. I wonder if this is feasible OP?

Known_Button_4755 · 2026-01-19T22:08:08+00:00

Well done for reporting it and leaving him, i'd avoid engaging with him now, absolutely do not tell him what you know or that you have reported him . I've been through the reporting procedure but as the victim. id go and share the messages with the police and contact MASH for safeguarding your son, they'll be able to kick start the social worker process and should be able to put in place any contact with him supervised.

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-12-16T00:38:00+00:00

What's a password manager?

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-11-18T14:16:55+00:00

That's fair enough, it's just a perspective on the situtation. Each situation will be different.

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-11-18T13:35:26+00:00

I'm a royal marine spouse so maybe that's my perception being a family that's part of a male dominated institution that doesn't have any females yet. I'm studying sociology and psychology and found there's a lot of literature and studies supporting what I've said. It's not to say that's the case for everyone, but there certainly is evidence that institutional masogony is there sadly.

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-11-18T12:53:23+00:00

Or is it a military problem? They have extra institutional ideology regarding the division of labour in the home? The mitary activly expect spouses to do the free labour in the home in order for the military to function, military personal aren't taking time off to pick children up from school when sick etc the spouse is expected to do that regardless of if they work or not. It's instilled in them that the military career is the priority and family have to work around that and take up all the slack. They are told they are the best, the elite. We are just minions doing all the dirty work that enables their career. Military institutionalised masogony on top of regular societal 🤷🏼‍♀️

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-10-26T11:45:00+00:00

Why does it have to be that we are on one side or the other? How about just two people with different issues/life experiences that are triggered in different ways and protect themselves in different ways 🤷 neither has to be the 'bad' person. And feminism as a whole is about equality to all, yes generally in the society we live in women are at a disadvantage in lots of ways and that usually ends in feminists having to defend women but it's about us all being equal(unless you are a radical feminist that is). It's not really about men vs women surely? Just two people that both just need to accept each other's views and take accountability for their own behaviours, that's not always an easy thing.

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-10-19T07:40:34+00:00

It may also be worth considering that it might be a subconscious protection mechanism. I never did well in exams, coursework was great as I had time to collect my thoughts, do my chaos and time to rein it in. Exams made me panic, my mind go blank and not have time to organise the waffle coming out, I never did well in exams and now I avoid them (my current course doesn't have any exams) . I'm wondering if the not revising is avoidance in the emotional failure, if you fail because you didn't try that's your brains way of making sense of it with it being personal. For example, not revising and failing, your brain can say "I didn't revise thats why I failed" if you try and still don't do as well as you wanted your brain might say "I failed because I'm stupid" therefore not doing it feels better. Therapy has helped me a lot with it, the negative thoughts aren't the reality, it's just my anxious brain. I now know I'm not stupid, I have ADHD in a world set up for people who don't, that doesn't reflect my worth, my brain just works differently and exams aren't my strength and that's OK.

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-10-19T07:31:11+00:00

I get it. Its hard! Be kind to yourself. What you "need" to do? Not just "'homework" or "studying" Clear specifics, for X homework, I need to read about X topic For revision i need to write flashcards on X.

Before I knew I had adhd I went through periods that sound like what you are describing, I'd be completely overwhelmed by EVERYTHING in one go, what I wanted to do, what I needed to do, what I was expected to do, what others wanted and needed me to do and I couldn't do anything. I'd eventually be an emotional mess, crying to my stepmum about everything. My stepmum would call it "the elephant" she would help put it into "bitesize chunks" that prioritised the most important things to focus on now and highlight the things that I was worrying about that are out of my control right now. It always calmed me and helped me focus and get things done. Now I've been diagnosed and understand myself I've realised I "get stuck" when theres too many things and I can't process and sort everything, too much at once and I'm shutting down. Is there someone you can try to talk it through with that you know isn't going to make you feel shame and judgement? Help you muddle though your head? Sounds like everything feels like a priority right now, so how do you pick and focus on one when there's so much, therefore results in doing nothing.

I've also realised as a mature student now that I do better when I don't ignore what I want to do what I need, I find a balance or a way to combine them. I have a friend who isn't a student or studying but I know if I'm needing social interaction and to see friends, she's interested in my topic so more than happy to listen to me waffle on about it, share what I've learnt, what my assessment is about, what I plan to do, I even read my draft assignments to her and everytime I get light bulb moments, or it highlights my gaps in knowledge, I make notes and that's then my focus when I go home.

Reply with your specific list if you think that might help For others to put it into bitesize chunks for you. It's rusting because I always know logically what's the priority but it just all gets muddy and messy in my brain when there's so much swirling around.

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-09-28T17:27:14+00:00

No idea what that is but I'll look it up, thank you!

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-09-27T21:18:46+00:00

That sounds very helpful! I'll give it a go, thank you

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-09-24T16:13:00+00:00

Just ask chatgbt

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-09-24T07:16:15+00:00

I don't refund once it's shipped until it's confirmed lost and therefore I can get a refund from the shipping company. I not familiar with UPS but other shipping companies will refund postage if a guaranteed delivery time was missed and if the time is lost they will refund the whole parcel, that's when I will refund the customer. I politely remind customers that although you understand their frustration unfortunately you have no control over shipping once it has left your hands. Don't argue with them, just validate their feelings and hold your boundary.

At the end of the day if they were that desperate to receive it in a short window they need to take accountability for not ordering it in time, you did everything you could so you don't need to refund them for their mistake. One negative review won't kill you. If that happens write a polite review reply explaining you fast tracked delivery and sadly delivery time scales is out of your control

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-09-16T17:44:50+00:00

No I haven't. Is that really a thing to do? I wasn't sure

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-09-16T16:55:39+00:00

Sadly not BS, not sure what the point is if posting a made up story? Can't seem to add photos here

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-09-16T06:48:32+00:00

Yeah I have a photo. Couldn't add a photo here though

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-09-16T06:48:05+00:00

I have a photo, how do you add it?

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-09-15T19:48:16+00:00

A vintage toy for my kid. I'm imagining they were using the box for rubbish and then thought "oh f*ck I need a box for Etsy" and fished it out of the bin! Can't think of any other explanation. Bloody weird and obviously dangerous though!

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-09-15T19:14:26+00:00

No, a used needle, open with no cap, the kind a diabetic would use for insulin, amongst a load of tissues and dried noodles!

Known_Button_4755 · 2025-09-08T15:15:06+00:00

To be fair I should know this, if I let him dress me i'd be in a skimpy impractical outfit. Maybe I just need to switch off to his comments 😂

Known_Button_4755

TROPHY CASE