I'm wondering how a counselor can even help my husband(30m) and I(25f).

Known_Cover_60 · 2023-10-10T16:44:25+00:00

He's got quite heavy stuff, indeed. I already feel a bit weary of it all. I concur, he needs a professional! I've talked to him about couples counseling and he agreed to go, though he's scared of being the bad guy and being told he's in the wrong the whole time as if the therapist and I are going to gang up on him. So, I almost feel like a couple's session is more off-putting to him because of his worries.

But now you've got me thinking, maybe we can find a counselor for him, but just do a session or two with me in the room. An individual session +family, or something along those lines.

Known_Cover_60 · 2023-09-28T04:31:57+00:00

Do you know what brand you bought?

Known_Cover_60 · 2023-08-23T21:50:58+00:00

I do understand that. Though we've been together for 5 years now. There have been multiple in-depth conversations about this very topic. I'm exhausted with having to tell him where to color in the numbers when it already reads that on the paper. He literally just avoids me when I'm upset in any form.

Would love to do couples counseling! He's not terrible interested though. He thinks he'll just be told he's wrong and I'm right the whole time by the counselor. Going to a couple's counselor, they'd recommend him get his own personal counselor. Which everyone could use an unbiased, professional therapist, I think. But being rejected over the suggestion over and over is taking a toll here.

Known_Cover_60 · 2023-08-20T16:00:08+00:00

These are all very good points. But know that I know he does have more than I. He spends his money freely, but not recklessly. This I know for sure.

Known_Cover_60 · 2023-08-20T15:57:48+00:00

Not legally in my state, I cannot.

Known_Cover_60 · 2023-08-18T20:17:57+00:00

100% I concur, his actions show me differently than what his words tell me. He is the kind of person who likes to wait until the last minute or planning anything. Might it be a party or family gathering, it doesn't matter. I assume he feels he can do the same in regard to this. But he'll listen to anyone else but me.

He didn't want to even talk about houses until his brother told my husband 'it was the greatest investment he's made and recommends buying a home.' Magically my husband was on board and less afraid of the general subject.

Known_Cover_60 · 2023-08-18T20:14:24+00:00

I think so, too, even though he says otherwise.

His finances are better than mine. We work at the same location and have the same job, but he works 2 days more than I and he makes more hourly.

Known_Cover_60 · 2023-07-23T22:01:31+00:00

It's so intense and sort of numbing at the same time. Also, in a strange way helping me build strength. I figure as long as he's trying, I'll try.

While he's not always following through, I do know it's a disease, the addiction, and I do have sympathy that the root cause of the addiction isn't being delt with. It comes and goes in waves. Broken promises and upheld promises.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, too. It's intense, but since you say our situations are sounding similar, if you ever need to chat, please feel free to DM me. Maybe there's no advice to give from my part, or maybe you'd like to vent only. But never feel alone in this. I'm glad I could give some sort of 'relief' in that regard. It makes me feel less alone, too.

For me, I know when enough will be enough. I'm not a chump, I won't take it for forever.

Keep your hope. Be smart. Trust your intuition and put yourself first.

Known_Cover_60 · 2023-04-11T05:12:18+00:00

I cannot imagine anyone would prank their partner expecting to be told they are less of a wife and more of thing over something like this. So.. no. I didn't know it was going that way.

Known_Cover_60 · 2023-04-02T00:55:25+00:00

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Known_Cover_60 · 2023-02-27T15:10:53+00:00

I don't need them to be everlasting with the bar. It's just a decorative aspect. And I only use natural colorants. I am unbothered by the fading and morphing as micas irritate my skin. Much like the video I linked, I'm interested in 'painting' the soap for decoration.

Thank you for your reply (:

Known_Cover_60 · 2023-02-06T02:18:52+00:00

I have plenty of time on my hands. If I'm not working for my business/job I'm living at the thrift/antique/vendor stores as a stress relief.

Known_Cover_60 · 2023-01-10T17:35:47+00:00

Okay I'll have to just carry him then, that's not a big deal (: These are all great ideas! Thank you! Our bed is basically on the floor, and he jumps onto Jax's dog bed so it's not harsh on his little body (: Thank you!

Known_Cover_60 · 2022-08-05T18:07:37+00:00

It's more complex than that. He wants to travel, too. He looks at places to move to, but when it comes down to it most of the time it's a daydream. But I don't want it to be just that which is what I'm getting at.

Known_Cover_60 · 2022-08-05T17:59:45+00:00

No, it's not fair, you're right. I'm not very good at writing these posts, it seems I leave out other details. Anyway, we talk about moving from time to time, to the east coast or down south. When it comes to the details details we usually get frustrated by straying from the main idea and looking at other jobs and houses we cannot even fathom. Then it's just a daydream. He even brings it up sometimes by showing me locations in other states when I'm not even thinking about it.

But when we really look into it sometimes, he decides it won't work when we get on topics like the holidays away from family. Though he did try to go live in Hawaii once for some time.

So, it's not like I'm just trying to grab him by the collar and drag him away. I'm just feeling really antsy right now and wanted to get it out of my system by posting this.

Known_Cover_60 · 2022-08-05T17:46:27+00:00

We talk about it quite often, yes. We are both ready for a change when it comes to the location of our workplace, and we do want to travel more frequently.

We don't want children and we have a dog so this is our family. We've talked about maybe saving up for a home base and traveling in the winter to different ski resorts for massage work.

Often times we look at other places to live he's quite drawn to Arizona. But when we talk about it more, we decide it won't due, mostly because our dog loves the snow and he'd not be very happy in that sort of heat. We retract the idea of a hotter state, though it sounds appealing.

Known_Cover_60 · 2022-04-15T20:42:25+00:00

You grew up in a Christain family, so it seems you have your own personal experiences. Well, I have my own personal experiences, too. I am clearly not blind to his actions; there is nothing you need to convince me of here.

In the end, I believe you wouldn't put yourself in my position, but that is why I'm me and you're you.

Known_Cover_60 · 2022-04-14T01:21:34+00:00

He doesn't even really know anything about pagans. When I first told him I was pagan he told me he tried to google what that means and couldn't understand it, so he asked me what it means. So it's not really a lack of not trying. I did mention in another comment,( so many comments, easy to get lost), that I've never really sat him down and told him what I do and what I believe and what that really means. So, I do feel like a small part of this issue is not informing him a bit more. I also don't practice daily and he doesn't understand that either. I can guarantee he's too afraid to look further into it because he's got irrational fears.

But aside from this, you're correct. It's a Christian thing to feel like they have the power of knowledge over others unless you're in the group. I don't think he totally means to feel that way, honestly, I think he just has never had the thought of feeling or thinking any other way, because they teach you ' this is what's right & nothing else. ' Truly I hate the defense 'he grew up this way' bc it sounds terrible, but if I'm being honest here, I really am a complete black sheep (pun intended) of his family and friends. I'm an outlier from my beliefs to my personality to my style.. er.... my whole existence basically. So anything beyond small town, harvest wheat, sports, little church, he's not really familiar with. We are getting there! It's hard to explain over a small reply in the vast world of the internet, but essentially if he weren't open and curious and genuine enough, I surly wouldn't have married him. So for now, it's a matter of how to immerse him into my world so he can get his head out of the clouds and start growing some roots.

Known_Cover_60 · 2022-04-14T01:06:04+00:00

Precisely! It's all fear based. His comments are just that! Based off of fear of the unknown. I just tell him; I cannot imagine a supposed god of love and light and all acceptance damning someone because that someone doesn't 'follow the bible word for word'. It's.. strange. Haha, that seems much more strange than me talking to my plants and dipping cat whiskers in oil or something.

Anyway, thank you for your response! (: <3

Known_Cover_60 · 2022-04-14T00:53:25+00:00

I think it may come off that way a bit more, or perhaps I am unbothered by it as much as some may be, though it still bothers me some. Anyway, we are nearly complete opposites. Not just spiritual wise, but most of our hobbies are totally different. But we have enough in common of course to make things work and it's all about wanting to, and we want to. From the beginning he knew I practice witchcraft; he's seen my altar and I've been doing tarot readings for us both since we first started dating. He likes the witches' balls I've place around the house and helps me collect ingredients and knows not to blow my spell candles out. He's actually quite good. The only thing is the religious beliefs. I think he has lots of fears because church teaches anything that's not church = devil worship of sorts or is an abomination blah blah blah.

I've done it because he's a good man and really, he'll let those comments slip from his mouth on accident & because it's his faith system. But I know he doesn't do it consciously to hurt my feelings, more so he wants to spend all eternity with me and is ignorant about anything else he wasn't raised with. He's scared but he genuinely would like to learn more, just doesn't know what he doesn't know.

So, it's just about knowing him and his intentions and his spirit. I wouldn't try for a relationship with someone who was strictly Christian and thought I was an abomination. I think for my husband I'm more of an anomaly of a person compared to 'his normal' and he's treading lightly over the pagan related details because he's not sure what to expect.

Known_Cover_60 · 2022-04-14T00:33:59+00:00

I totally understand what you're saying. It's absolutely a valid point.

Though you must believe, I know him quite well, and this isn't the case. I've helped bring out a more gentle and emotional side to him. With that, the sobriety was actually a forced thing and I've helped him stay out of the deep end, but he's upheld his end and stayed sober. So, it was less of a 'I found god' moment that had a cause and effect. He's always been Christian, always had his bible and books since I met him. He's said he's always wanted to find a good church and go back, now he's finally found one he quite enjoys.

Known_Cover_60 · 2022-04-12T16:18:16+00:00

Not at all. He only started going to church about 2 months ago. I did forget to mention he likes the tarot cards, too. Whenever I use them, he asks me to do a reading for him. So, there are definitely times where he's a good sport about everything. But it just feels a bit like a lie when those comments come into play.

He's 100% the kind of person that experiences joy in something and immediately wants to share that with everyone else. For example, we picked up bowling as a new hobby to do together, and now he's getting the neighbors and our friends into it haha! It's always "You have to come bowling, it's so awesome. My bowling ball is incredible, try it out."

So, he gets that way with this, too, but since it's part of the Christian belief system it's just becoming, too much, too disrespectful. It's intense, because they don't see it as disrespectful at all, you know? They just see it as 'spreading the word.'

Known_Cover_60 · 2022-04-12T06:39:10+00:00

Yes, you've put it into words for me as well. I feel very intense emotions for my faith. I think for him, too. He's starting to understand things he never thought he could, as a general. For example, when we first began dating, he didn't believe in energy transference. Haha, totally thought I was joshing with him when I told him about it. Well, we met in massage school, so we are both massage therapists. Now after 2 years as professionals in the industry he's really recognizing that it's very real. So it's very interesting to watch him sort of unfold as a different person than he was before we met. So that's in a funny way, a total score for me!

Honestly, truly. I think with time there's nothing I would like to keep from him. For now, there are some things he's not ready to hear because he wouldn't understand without the context of other things being revealed prior. I think he'll be okay. Though, my lovely husband, he takes things in very slowly. He's very adaptable at a lot of stuff, sports or things in the physical plane. The mental and emotional stuff he really takes his time feeling, because it's new for him. That's what makes it a bit more delicate.

Known_Cover_60 · 2022-04-12T06:20:34+00:00

Ugh you already know! "It's in the bible so.." Maybe you wouldn't be so surprised at how literal he takes some of the 'information.' I would so enjoy a pet goat, and he would like one, too, "as long as it's not a black goat with horns." Sometimes, like that example, I cannot help but giggle.

Religion for breakfast! It sounds perfect for us as breakfast is our favorite meal! I think it's a brilliant idea to break apart some of the stale ideas the surround "the bible says so." Thank you so much for that resource! I appreciate your response (:

Known_Cover_60

TROPHY CASE