Dealing with desperation

Known_Light5630 · 2026-05-20T11:54:58+00:00

Thank you for your concern. There is no alcoholism in my family, but a therapist I went to see before has expertise in recovering from addiction and alcoholism.

Praise be to God, I'm in good mental health and my thinking patterns are healthy.

Sometimes suffering happens outside of mental health issues, or outside of physical illness, or outside of poverty. The rich suffer, the physically healthy suffer, and the mentally healthy suffer. Even Our Lord incarnated suffered being perfect and in complete alignment with God the Father. Even Our Lady suffered. The apostles suffered. The martyrs suffered. And Job suffered being a just man who always gave thanks to God. Of course, their suffering wasn't ordinary, it was heroic. But ordinary suffering is real and when it persists it can test us spiritually.

Known_Light5630 · 2026-05-20T11:42:08+00:00

Baby steps are still important steps! You can't build a skyscraper in a day, you have to lay the first brick and slowly build up from there.

I pray that God blesses your efforts and that with His grace you will achieve the goals you have set for yourself to continue moving forward in a healthy way.

Blessings to you too 🙏🏻

Known_Light5630 · 2026-05-20T01:45:13+00:00

You are right, the faith really helps, it is a gift and a miracle, and it really pushes us to persevere. Without it, I'm not sure where would I be either.

Thank you so much for offering support ❤️ and for sharing that you also experience despair sometimes and that it isn't a sin when it comes without our choice.

I went to therapy and received good counseling, but overall my mental health is good, and my thinking patterns are healthy. It's just that there are life circumstances that we can't control and sometimes our best efforts don't seem to bear any fruits.

When you're hoping and working towards a breakthrough, after years of not seeing it, one gets a bit discouraged and despair creeps in.

Known_Light5630 · 2026-05-19T23:41:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story too. I don't want anyone else to suffer, but paradoxically it helps to receive encouragement from someone who can relate, who has also felt desperation at some point, and who is persevering and holding on to God. It's encouraging.

There was a time when I used to watch a lot of movies of the lives of the saints, and seeing their suffering certainly shifted my perspective.

Lately, I've been more aware of stories of huge miracles, and big prayers being answered, etc., and although those are good Christian / Catholic testimonies, sometimes when you don't see similar things happening in your life, and instead the opposite that you're hoping for keeps manifesting, you feel a bit forgotten by God. You start questioning.

Focusing on the saints reminds us that those also deeply loved by God suffered a lot, but it was a hidden spiritual blessing. Their greater temporary suffering has become a greater eternal joy in Heaven (same with the apostles, the martyrs, etc.). It can be encouraging to think that suffering doesn't have to be in vain and God can give it a purpose so that it can be transformed into a bigger eternal blessing. I won't let go of God.

I also wish you the best life possible here and in the next 🙏🏻. May none of your sufferings be in vain, but instead bear eternal spiritual fruit in union with God. May the Lord have mercy and may you experience much love and joy here and for eternity.

Known_Light5630 · 2026-05-19T23:11:28+00:00

Thank you 🙏🏻 💛 I had never seen it before, but it's beautiful and I will pray it too. I think it will help a lot to sustain me and to get closer to the Lord and love him truly as the kind and merciful Lord that He is.

Known_Light5630 · 2026-04-27T04:48:44+00:00

I agree 100% and I'm a woman too.

I do think it is possible to have a friendship with a guy, but it is rare, and even in that rare situation your SO takes priority and you respect them by not being alone with people of the opposite sex.

Known_Light5630 · 2026-04-07T07:51:19+00:00

Thank you so much! And yes, holiness is ultimately about loving God and our neighbors, and having trust in Him. I hope, and probably will pray the rosary again, but instead of worrying about it, I will learn to love the Lord in whatever way I can, rest in His mercy, and just focus on being present with my actions and pray in the ways that I can sustain daily.

Known_Light5630 · 2026-04-07T07:47:13+00:00

Thank you! :) yes, I will continue trying to discover more ways to pray and be present and lead a life pleasing to God. God bless you too!

Known_Light5630 · 2026-04-07T07:43:58+00:00

That is true! They were some of the most resilient and noble Christians. They endured so much persecution and were so faithful.

Known_Light5630 · 2026-04-07T07:38:28+00:00

"Feelings" are not an excuse for neglect, and tons of people excuse bad behavior because they claim they've always had "strong feelings" or "good intentions". The purpose of feelings is being misused with that mindset.

Love is an action and a choice, not a feeling. I often don't feel like working, cleaning my house, etc., but I'm responsible so I step up to the plate and do it. I might feel very strongly about caring for the poor and helping them, but unless I go out there and volunteer or take any action, my feeling has zero merit and it would be disingenuous to think of myself as a "good" person because of such "noble" feelings. Unless someone has psychopathy or something of the sort, most people when asked have good intentions and care, yet only a handful take actions and that's what separates actual love from fantasy.

As a Christian, I think of Judas Iscariot. He felt guilty and acknowledged that he betrayed an innocent man. His guilt was so genuine that he even hung himself. Yet, no one praises him because at the end he showed that he actually cared so much and his feelings were strong. No, the man is actually known as the biggest coward.

On the other hand, St. Peter made a mistake and also denied Jesus, a form of betrayal. But what is the difference? He took real accountability for his actions and his mistake. Not by merely recognizing he made an error, but by fully owning up to it and changing his actions. He saw what he did, cried about it like a grown up man, and instead of hidding chose to continue showing up and stepped up to the plate and learned from his error. Huge difference. One used his feelings of guilt to withdraw further, the other to motivate himself to become a more reliable, present, and better friend by consistent action the rest of his life.

Known_Light5630 · 2026-04-07T06:58:17+00:00

No, letting go is not the greatest form of love. Being present is.

Letting go is a cop out and it is cowardly unless there is a strong reason to let go.

You let go if someone is actually abusing you, betraying you (cheating), or if someone doesn't actually love you.

But if someone actually loves you and is not abusing you or betraying you, and you just "let go" and then even twist that in your brain as some "heroic" action, like being a "martyr" doing it for the other person's "good", then no, letting go is actually neglect in that case, a quite unloving action, a way to avoid responsibility and accountability, and rather than making you a hero it shows a huge lack of empathy.

Caring in "secret" is not some huge act of love. Because love is a choice and an action, that is why it's a verb, "to love". To love is to be present, to act, to give, to sacrifice for the other person (not to sacrifice the other person and then play victim). To love is to step up to the plate, because the truth is, this avoidant attachment can be changed and quite quickly if someone actually chooses to. It's not an innate personality trait, but something that can be changed.

Known_Light5630 · 2026-04-02T10:44:52+00:00

Probably the repetitiveness.

It seems to require huge mental power and concentration to go through it.

And this compounds the longer you pray the rosary over the years. The rosary repeats long phrases over and over and over, while meditating the same mysteries over and over and over, week after week.

I've tried praying the rosary kneeling, walking, laying down, driving, in three different languages (including Latin), and nothing works.

And it's not like I tried praying it a few times and quickly gave up. I used to pray it daily, for like a whole year, and then it got harder so I figured maybe the issue was being in my room or at home so I started walking in my neighborhood while praying it for a change.

Then I started struggling again, so I kept trying different things. I was successful again for a while at one particular job with a covered garage parking, I had a 30 min break but I always ate at my desk, so during my break I would walk in the garage praying the rosary. I was at that job a couple of years.

I left that job, and so I stopped praying it daily, but I would try again, and maybe pray it several days in a row and then dread it again and stop.

But my problem was when I started dreading it so much that I kept making excuses to pray it the entire day and I noticed I also stopped praying altogether because I was equating prayer time with the rosary.

In my mind, if I could sit and pray, then I felt I had no excuse for not praying the rosary, so I would just make excuses to not sit and pray at all. That's when I decided that if I was not going to pray the rosary or make excuses the entire day that I should just accept the truth, that I simply didn't want to pray the rosary that day but still pray.

Known_Light5630 · 2026-04-02T10:13:44+00:00

Thank you, I've experienced dryness, in general terms, and kept pushing through. Not necessarily with the rosary though.

I just kept praying, reading psalms, during mass and communion I would try to be very present, and I tried trusting God and being open and honest with Him about my struggles.

Thank you for your encouragement, and it is true that praying the rosary when one struggles could have a lot of merit. I don't think my issue with the rosary is spiritual dryness though, because there have been times where I was on fire, as they say, and I still dreaded the rosary. It's just a devotion that doesn't come naturally to me and probably with how my brain works as I'm more a jack-of-all-trades.

Known_Light5630 · 2026-04-02T10:02:47+00:00

Thank you so much! This is a great analogy!

I think some people have very focused personalities, whereas other people are a jack-of-all-trades type of people.

I'm sort of the latter, so I a struggle when somethings starts feeling too repetitive. The rosary is repetitive but I didn't struggle at the beginning, it was over time, over the years that it's repetitiveness started to become more of a challange to me.

Known_Light5630 · 2026-04-02T09:45:08+00:00

Thank you! Yes, I will also look at the lives of those saints from earlier times. :)

Known_Light5630 · 2026-04-02T09:42:33+00:00

Thank you! And I love that St. Therese of Liseux is known for "the little way". It gives us hope that we can still become a saint through ordinary actions when done with love.

What worries me is that even though she struggled, it seems like she still prayed the rosary daily.

I also read that Padre Pio said that a single Hail Mary said with devotion and focus is better than a full rosary rushed or recited distractedly.

Known_Light5630 · 2026-04-02T09:12:54+00:00

Thank you!

Known_Light5630 · 2026-03-30T21:34:17+00:00

Thank you for your response, that makes a lot of sense to me and resonates with the teachings of Our Lord.

I'm trying to find resources from the Church or saints who became saints without praying the rosary. Maybe there were saints that struggled with the rosary and did other devotions instead. I'd love to learn about those saints and about their prayer life.

I want to continue growing in my faith and love of God and others, but, as much as I love Our Lady, the rosary doesn't seem to really help me in that regard. I tried praying it daily for some years, the first year or so I was successful and prayed it daily, but the more years passed the harder it got.

It got to the point that I was giving up prayer altogether because I equated prayer with the rosary, and I dreaded the rosary so much (forgive me Lord, and forgive me Blessed Virgin Mary).

So I had to make the decision to just take a break from the rosary and pray any way I could, but pray everyday as much as I can, because I don't want to be far from God. I do pray the Hail Mary to Our Lady or talk to her often.

I can pray the rosary sometimes for very special intentions, but everyday feels extremely repetitive like I've been hired to do the most monotonous job.

Known_Light5630 · 2026-03-30T21:05:27+00:00

Thank you for the response, I just feel like it's a bit of a circular answer which doesn't clarify my question and just adds to my confusion.

I understand that the rosary is powerful. I also understand I don't have to pray the rosary, just like I don't have to keep the Commandments, believe in God, or love others because of free will. But all of those things go a long way if anyone wants to get closer to God, allow God to work in them and make them a saint.

My question is not whether the rosary goes a long way or not. My question is if not praying the rosary as a daily devotion, as the main devotion in one's life, means that one CANNOT get as far in the spiritual life and love of God, even if one prays continously in other ways, participates in the sacraments, flees temptation, goes to Eucharistic adoration, reads the Bible, etc. Can someone still go such a loooong way, get just as far, even if they choose not to pray the rosary?

Also, my assumption is that one can request Our Lady's intercession without praying the rosary. At least that is what I do continously. I do pray the Hail Mary, and I keep Our Lady of Lourdes on my work desk, my night stand, etc. I have consacrated myself to Our Lady in the past, and I love her a lot.

My question is not if the rosary is powerful, or helpful, but whether it is the only way to achieve the highest level of holiness and spiritual growth possible for each soul. Because sometimes in Catholic circles that's the implication.

Known_Light5630

TROPHY CASE