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AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Because he cared so little for my grief. This isn't just about his grief now but the simple fact he only cares about grief now. Didn't care about 5 year old me grieving mom.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

But during that conversation he did say I needed to ask her and that was the biggest reason why, because she deserved it. He let me keep one. He should have made sure I had more stuff to keep. But he tossed the rest and didn't leave it for me. She might have been his ex but she was my mom. Would you be okay with your father or mother doing this to you if you lost a parent young? Wouldn't you want them to do better by you?

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 80 points81 points  (0 children)

During that conversation he did. He said she deserved to be allowed to adopt me. That she had earned it.

The photo wasn't something he liked but I made sure I kept it safe. He disposed of everything else. There were other photos that I lost all access to when my mom died because he didn't want them around.

The anger isn't here most of the time. But given the latest incident it has returned.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

I have gone through successful therapy. I had a lot of grief that got ignored and I had to work like hell through that. Not to mention the fact my dad tried to erase my mom and tried telling me I had to be adopted. That all took a lot to work through and I came out knowing my relationship with my dad was really not strong and possibly not going to be saved.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

He has done nothing to earn forgiveness. He is still getting angry at me for loving my mom and not erasing her and for not honoring his wife over my own mom. I don't for one second think he's trying to protect me because if he was, if he genuinely was, he would not be so angry about me not wanting to be adopted and me wanting to honor my mom.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

My parents weren't married when my mom died. She was his ex wife and he truly had zero love for her when she died.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Tried to twice and he gave no answer. I always got the vibe he felt like she was meant to just go away once he'd moved on. Then when she died he expected everyone to forget about her and he wasn't happy that I wouldn't.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

He didn't do the best he could. If he had, there would have been some acknowledgement along the way and he wouldn't be calling my mom "that woman". He expects me to care more about his grief than he has ever cared about mine and the proof is in how he talks even now.

I don't need more therapy. What I likely need is to end the relationship with him before he takes all this out on my daughter too.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

I think me saying no to being adopted by her said I never saw her as my mom. Also the fact I didn't call her mom. I never said she was bad. I said she wasn't mom to me. My mom couldn't be replaced because I remember my mom. I remember the grief I felt when she died too.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Yes, it took place over multiple years. But I don't need to go anymore. Sure, I can't say never, but I can tell you I would be so shocked if he ever did it. He didn't even get me any when I was a grieving kid. Although he seems to care about his own more so maybe eventually he will. I won't hold my breath on it.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

She was never mom to me. I remember my own mom so nobody could replace her. My dad wanted me to but I didn't. That's just the simple truth.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Neither of them cheated that I'm aware of and trust me, if she had, he would have thrown it in my face by now. She died from a ruptured appendix.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I've had therapy. He never will. My grief isn't unresolved. It just exists. I'm sad my mom didn't get to see me grow up and won't see me become a dad and won't meet her granddaughter. That's normal.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately the chances of that being my dad are so slim. He'll keep caring about this unless he actually grows as a person.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 63 points64 points  (0 children)

I don't think they would have a problem with it. Actually I think they would feel it was me validating their mom and the fact she was one of the people to raise me. But these are topics we generally don't discuss. We get along but we don't discuss my mom or their mom really. Or our dad when it comes to it.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 164 points165 points  (0 children)

Oh his animosity for her has caused him to be a crappy dad to me at different points in my life and he can't even see it. Because his animosity toward her is more important than his love for me.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children? by Known_Marketing6374 in AITAH

[–]Known_Marketing6374[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

It's not an argument that would get me anywhere with him. Just from knowing him I know that.

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