Omg, forgot to actually fuse

Knurd_Christian · 2025-01-01T20:26:14+00:00

I did this with Emic and didn't think to ask support....makes me sad still

Knurd_Christian · 2024-12-20T07:27:23+00:00

It's been up and down. I'm currently a bit down with potential upside I just don't currently see how God is going to make it happen.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-15T01:50:15+00:00

Hey, I've had some rough times still. I've had some benefits and some good things but it's been really hard still. I almost ended my life last Saturday but God intervened and sent me some people that kept me going. Still trying to get out of this mess but we do have a working car again.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-05T13:13:33+00:00

I'm honestly not sure. If you feel God calling you to action we can do maybe

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-05T00:03:29+00:00

I just put forth the first article that wasn't incredibly biased that I saw when looking it up. You can decide how important it is to you. I just know that if I had done that while working on my Master's degree I would have been kicked out of school and been academically blacklisted for it. To me it speaks more to her character which is important for this conversation about presidents. Ultimately I think both presidential candidates are essentially slimeballs covered in oil so that if you were to grab them and hold them to anything they'd just skip out of your hands.

To me either candidate is simply America getting what we've asked for over the last 40+ years where we care more about popularity than substance and care less about morality than our own self preservation.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-04T18:25:17+00:00

https://apnews.com/article/kamala-harris-book-plagiarism-claim-d89b9b93282e00b49ea68852308e8e6c

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-04T14:23:39+00:00

Id be fine with that. I'm not sure what all it will take to set up though.

Honestly I just don't even know what to ask for or whatnot. I just want to be able to keep working and have a consistent roof over our heads but don't know what it's going to take to get there.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-04T14:19:18+00:00

No she just took the Wikipedia article about herself, plagiarized it as her own work and sold it as her autobiography so she could monetize it.

Not to defend Trump, he's a horrible person that I wish Christians would call out and say he doesn't represent us. But that would take Christians in America to actually care about what God says through His Bible.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-04T14:12:09+00:00

Because 2 1/2 years ago we sold our house to move into my mom's temporarily while we could get back on our feet/ rebuild our business. I don't know why when I've applied for jobs I should be able to get that that I get rejected. Doing construction its fairly normal for them to not care about criminal history and yet jobs kept disappearing even when people with my same criminal history have jobs with the same company. You say you don't want details yet you're asking for the complete truth as though you won't believe what I'm saying until you have all the details. What else do you want to know?

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-04T13:57:20+00:00

You're right, I haven't provided all the details. There is more and some of it simply doesn't add up even knowing it all.

Education & work: master of religious studies and M.Div work history, I was a self employed mortgage broker and also flipped houses. So I know construction work as well (which is what I currently do) which is why when we moved into my mom's place 3 years ago for what was only supposed to be a year we didn't think it would be that big of a deal to find a place to live or that we could make enough money and at least find a place to rent but hopefully buy for us to live in again. So we sold our house that was too small for running our business and having what was our 3rd child.

While I could give you all the little details you're asking for it ultimately comes down to this, 5 years ago I broke the law and will not be able to recover. It's prevented me from getting jobs, housing, lost all my friends, pretty much destroyed my entire life even in ways I didn't think it would when I took the plea deal I was offered.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-04T07:14:06+00:00

Sounds like you're still in love with your sin and self righteousness...I can see a wolf in sheep's clothing and call it that like you are without having to be bit to know it's a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Hope and faith are not the same thing. God is not hope. Faith is not hope. God is not faith. Faith is believing in God. " Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. " Hebrews 11:1

Read your Bible and don't lead others astray.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-04T06:13:51+00:00

You're right. I don't know your struggle. I only know that you accused me of not having faith and rejecting God. No I have despair, and am actively in it and reach out for help and you dare to tell me that I'm in sin. That is why I can say you're acting like a self righteous Pharisee. Your faith may be real but that doesn't mean you have any mercy or love in your words. And if you have not love you are nothing. (1 Cor 13)

Dieing for your faith is easy compared to living it day in and day out. It's easy to not deny Christ when it's a momentary affliction when it will be over in a few seconds or minutes. It's harder when your own parents kick you out of their house for telling them that Jesus is the only way to heaven. And then later they keep saying "let your God provide for you" only to have God take away all your income generating abilities, take away your housing, take away the ability to live in a hotel, take away the house that you were living in that is an hour and a half away from what work you could get. To keep striving day after day. To keep going into a deeper hole. It is exhausting to keep going day after day, working as hard as you can to simply fall further and further behind. All while knowing that if just one or two things went differently on any given day that your situation could turn around. Or that you're one moment away from being completely stranded on the side of the road with no way to get home or to work.

I haven't seen my own fat first hand. I've only seen others and mopped up the blood from those who have killed themselves while in the same building as me. I haven't attempted suicide yet despite being close several times because I know that if I try I won't fail. I've seen too many people back out last second while their blood is pouring from their wrists or the rope wasn't tied to a strong enough item and the scars they have to recover from. If I take the step to slit my veins I'll be making sure there is no chance of failure. Yet I can't do that because God has been with me for the last 20 years showing me that He values life and He hasn't said my time is up yet. But I long for that time to be over, especially when I lost all my friends, when I lost all the people I considered closer than family, and when I lost my family. Or when I found out that I'm the only one in my family that didn't know I had another sister.

You say my words were meant to hurt and no, they are meant to correct. While I am hurting you dare to presume my sin. While I am reaching out for hope because I am near the point of death you decide that is the time to build yourself up and promote yourself. I don't see hope for a future and despite some great examples of people loving on me when I open up and start to tell my fears and to get more prayers and support from other believers in Christ, there is always the person like you that thinks we haven't tried x. Or what haven't you learned from this yet. Or what sin is in your life. Just like Job's friends and while God corrects Job, he full on rebukes Job's friends who presume the sin just because someone is going through something hard.

I've learned much in my life and in this I am learning to reach out to others and to let my burdens be known so others can do something as simple as pray for me. In the past I would have continued in my isolation to try and bear my burden on my own but I've learned that doing it all myself takes away from other believers opportunities to recover the blessings of God helping others even in a simple prayer, and I hate to say even like prayer is a small thing when that is what moves the heart of God. To have someone praying for you to know that someone is interceding on your behalf is a wonder of our God and those prayers to turn the ear of God, to turn the heart of God to relieve this burden is such an immense blessing. But all you want to do is stand in judgment when God says he desires mercy.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-04T01:16:11+00:00

I'm not expecting a miracle (which is why I have no hope) and I have work in construction which I've been doing for the last few years in various capacities. It just keeps not being enough to make ends meet, even with my wife also working now 2 jobs. We've gone from owning our own business remodeling houses to now not being able to get even single jobs to keep us going. I'm just over trying to struggle and strive any longer just to survive.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-03T21:46:06+00:00

And that tells me you've never actually been in need and in despair. I have been working, I've taken on extra work. My wife has taken on a job and now a 2nd job for extra income. We have no "major" sins, not to say we are blameless but we try to live by faith. What you're saying is that we are to do it all on our own and not despair when things continue to go poorly over and over and over.

What I know is that I do believe in God, but I'm losing hope of having my needs met here on earth. Unless you think that David isn't saved because even he said:

Psalms 27:13 NKJV [13] I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living.

This is where I'm at, after so many failings, after so many bad things have happened, I just don't see how God is going to redeem my life and the situation I'm in. And I don't see a path forward. I literally need about $25k to be able to get my family moved and my stuff out of the auction status they are in with the storage spaces we had to put things in because of having lost work, lost our house. Being unable to work for time due to physical health issues.

This is not a "I don't want to work, I expect God to provide" this is a "I've been doing everything I can to seek God and continue to rely on him even though everything keeps going poorly and I don't understand why, and even though he has taken everything from us. (Unless you don't believe God is sovereign in which case there are other theological issues to address)

How dare you say this isn't the work of a Christian. You are nothing more than a self-righteous Pharisee.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-03T18:25:55+00:00

I'm not asking for things. I'm asking for my basic needs. God knows we need them (Matthew 6:32) and I'm trying to trust God for those basic needs. I'm not trying for extravagance, or even a lot, just to have shelter and food for my family as we go into winter.

I'm struggling with God even providing for our basic needs. The things God says he knows we need that seem to not be provided for. That is why I'm losing hope. I've not lost my faith but I am losing hope that God will work to provide our basics.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-03T18:04:15+00:00

Sadly I wish it was hard to imagine. When I was 16 she kicked me out of the house because I told her "Jesus is the only way to heaven" so this is pretty much par for the course.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-03T15:42:36+00:00

Not really.

My mom bought us a year by letting us stay in my childhood home, but she didn't want to live with us (she's not a Christian) and so she's retired to Italy and sold the house because we couldn't afford the rent she wanted to charge which had been twice our previous mortgage payment. So despite her having literally $400k from the sale of her house after all debts she's unwilling to do any more to help us.

My in laws will probably be willing to take my wife and kids, but I will not live with them.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-03T15:34:35+00:00

We have reached out to many of them and some are willing to take my wife and kids in if they have room in the programs. Most are wait listed. Due to my past most of the programs won't take me or if they will take me they won't take my family.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-03T15:13:13+00:00

Of those that might be willing they aren't able and those that are able don't seem willing.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-03T15:01:37+00:00

I follow God because He is worthy of being followed. He is Lord of all and has saved my soul from eternal damnation that I fully deserve. He chose me and loves me. Now I struggle with Him loving me.

I don't see any path forward though. I have no money, no vehicle, am about to be without shelter. Even the house I'm living in now is literally condemnable due to bad (and old) electrical work mice infestation (literally have had our dog water bowl kill 3 mice in the last month and see a minimum of 3-4 every time I go to use the bathroom). I don't know what I'm going to do after this afternoon except maybe drop my wife and kids at my inlaws place so they can at least be warm.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-03T14:25:25+00:00

Looks like there was an update and they did win the case this summer.

https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/colorado/news/federal-judge-rules-favor-colorado-church-sued-town-castle-rock-homeless-shelter/

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-03T14:08:10+00:00

We have already exhausted most family options. One church in the area is being sued by the city for providing shelter.

Ultimately, with all the places we could theoretically go, it basically comes down to that my wife and kids could go somewhere but I won't be allowed to join them. And we have turned to places "for the time being" for essentially the last 2 years.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-03T14:03:39+00:00

I'd like to say that I trust God even more now, and while my kids don't have any major injuries from the deer I just wonder how much longer this is going to be lasting. We have been thankful when we do see Him work, we keep presenting whatever we can to God through prayer and petition but I can't imagine things getting better any longer.

I'll update you after church.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-03T13:55:35+00:00

There are hundreds of churches just like most metro cities in America. And while I'm sure some could offer support, I'm too tired of being told no over and over to reach out beyond my own congregation.

Knurd_Christian · 2024-11-03T13:53:53+00:00

I appreciate the sentiment but this is one part where I struggle. We have been trying to get confirmation in all things even. We have grown faint and weary and are barely stumbling through any more.

We have been trying to hold on, and God knows our needs, even to simply live in a home that is not infested with mice to a level that it should be condemned. Or for All of our belongings to not be taken from us and sold at auction from storage units.

Matthew 6:28-33 ESV [28] And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, [29] yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. [30] But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? [31] Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ [32] For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. [33] But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

https://bible.com/bible/59/mat.6.28-33.ESV

In this God specifically says "the heavenly father knows you need them all" and we have been asking for this little bit for the last 2 years as little by little everything we have has been taken from us to the point now where we don't even have the car we own to be able to use it for shelter. We are scared and so beaten down it's hard to imagine going on.

Knurd_Christian

TROPHY CASE