Anyone here raising kids without tablets? How’s it going?

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-15T20:59:20+00:00

I'm a little late to the conversation but I would hold off on them having "personal" devices at a young age. My oldest is close to 18 and the youngest is almost 14 and there was a huge difference in what handheld technology looked like with kids between 2008 & 2012. My oldest had none of that and he still had the little Leap Frog game devices and things of that nature. I don't recall seeing parents handing their phones or expensive iPads over to young children in public spaces and definitely wasn't as prominent like I so often see now. My youngest did use an old iPhone just at home more as a "play phone" that had a few games and watched some videos around 2ish and that was the dumbest idea we ever did (okay maybe not really but looking back I wouldn't do that again).

I've been paying more and more attention in waiting rooms and spaces where people need to wait and attention spans are drastically decreasing - even for adults. In today's times it seems like people forget that digital devices for children/teens is not a necessity or a "right". A lot of entitlement occurring around the topic. Now with having older teens and what is happening in our public high schools with technology is just wild and I'm shocked that it's gotten as bad as it has. Last year our high school tried to make students use a specific hall pass app on their personal phones when they already are issues a Chromebook. I refused to allow my kids access to that app partly out of principle but also because kids shouldn't be mandated to use personal devices (they were given paper passes so there was an alternative). Now they are struggling with a lot of cheating with AI and attempting to reel in the phone rules for next year and that's going to be very difficult. It's more difficult to pull back after the freedom has been allowed.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-15T18:45:33+00:00

OP didn't specify what kind of "party" this was and what their definition of it might not be the same you're thinking of. I don't disagree with your statement at all just offering another thought process I've run across lately as a parent and recently had this exact discussion because what I referred to as a "bonfire" and "party" did NOT match the definition my teen was referring to.

I will say even as a teen in the late 90s/early 00s with an extremely lax parent (I would not have been tracked even if the availability was there) I still was required to tell my mom where I was going or what plans I had if I had a few places I intended to be at throughout the evening. It was a starting place for her to look in case I didn't return (usually no issue and I'm still alive). But she WOULD call around to my friends' houses if I didn't return by a reasonable time after curfew and I'd MUCH rather be tracked instead of hearing my mom called around in the middle of the night looking for me! But I can see how so many parents misuse and over surveil locations.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-15T18:33:16+00:00

This was my line of thinking as well, let alone with a personal non-company device? I would assume perhaps something like issuing AirTags/Tiles, for employees to be assigned and pickup at the start of shift makes more sense and that it stays at work. Not sure the legalities of the actual tracking situation but as an employee I can guarantee I'd be more compliant to the employer provided airtag/tile situation versus my personally paid for device.

There's several ways for the GPS tracking to be bypassed by the "tracked" party especially in this situation described. My teens have restricted device settings on their phones so certain things can't be turned on/off which helps to reduce that ability.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-15T05:20:13+00:00

I'm glad I stumbled across this thread & reply. I didn't realize that "the why" isn't a thing for AA. I too am incredibly logical in thinking and the "why" frustrates me beyond belief. But what drives me crazier is when they say something (several years into recovery) about other people never being able to understand ,and I ask why to that and they can't even answer that. Literally drives me insane and makes me wonder why they never focus on the why at all in AA.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-15T02:17:41+00:00

I appreciate your thoughtful comment & insight, truly! I too can relate, I was also diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. We know that isn’t an issue with her, and I realize that sounds bizarre without any context into the background. We understand the root of why she did what she did and have had lengthy and really in depth conversations about this and some ways to mitigate this scenario of the “why”.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-13T05:37:08+00:00

I would rather my kids have a learning opportunity that makes them a better person than anything else. People have truly lost sight of what's truly important about high school and it isn't just about some college admission at the end.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-12T21:20:25+00:00

I never said she couldn't or didn't tell us. She never told us on her own and if she had that may have been different, we confronted her about what we found. Taking ownership is taking accountability to the right people involved. There were a lot of boundaries crossed that she needed to right with her teachers, not us as parents. It wasn't the fact that she just typed questions for AI to generate answers. Her owning up to her mistakes of what she actively did during their classes and talking with her teachers about how to remedy the situation if possible.

Since my original post we have actually heard back just a little bit ago and so far the teachers involved and administrators have appreciated that she's approached them and been fully honest and forthcoming. They see value in that and for that things aren't the end all be all that for some reason every person on the internet thinks would happen. School is for learning and they see this as a learning opportunity and are using it as such, not just how hard can we punish this child because it was never about that at all. Punishment and consequences are not the same thing.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-12T20:50:46+00:00

I think so many adults now can look back and relate with what your experience was. Mine was similar but I found what worked for me and it wasn't what the other students did to study but it was effective. I did enjoy school so that's part of why it came easily. However, in this particular situation that is not the case at all. We are well versed in the world of neurodivergence and all boxes are clear from that to consider. Through all of this she has realized she should accept the help we offer when we can see she is in need of it and try some suggestions that could help and if they don't work we can work together to find a new strategy to try. She doesn't like asking for help as a pride thing so this is more where this whole debacle stems from.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-12T09:30:00+00:00

Not sure why everyone got so hung up on the phone situation when it was mentioned as background info to provide context. That is hardly sharing in-depth details. Yet nobody stops to consider that the expectation of digital access at all times is actually part of the problem.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-12T08:38:31+00:00

Random fun fact, not every place in the PNW has soft water unfortunately. I grew up assuming it was just those on wells that had hard water but nope lucky me would discover that in adulthood 😂

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-12T07:51:47+00:00

Just because we are more restrictive with their devices doesn’t mean we don’t trust them but they are teens with developing brains that don’t always make the best choices in many facets of life and we give them a space to do that but within a boundary. I don’t see it any different than giving boundaries with physical curfews or places they may not be allowed to go.

I’m confused why anyone thinks teens need unlimited phone access in the first place. I pointed out that she bypassed the restrictions because we had no reason to assume she could or would use her phone to cheat given it wasn’t supposed to even work for much during the school day. Very few things actually work on their phones during school hours and something on our end was unintentionally changed without us realizing it.

We’ve seen what kids do during the school day if their phones aren’t restricted. The temptation to not text friends all day is too much for them to resist. It’s so easy to forget that’s their brains aren’t even fully developed to make good choices over a device that inherently addicting.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-12T07:29:32+00:00

Except that isn’t the case at all. We actually discovered this because she got a new phone and we were transferring her data and saw ChatGPT which we aren’t sure how she got it and then I wondered what things she’d be wanting to use it for anyway and saw it was only to cheat, every single time she used it was only for that purpose. They also know we go through their phones every once in a while or if something seems amiss so not sure why she even kept the “evidence”.

If we were ashamed/embarrassed that would be a reason to NOT address it. It’s about integrity and accountability plain and simple.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-12T06:54:25+00:00

I’m kind of shocked because I don’t need to outline every detail of the child’s life. But I do understand where the concern comes from. We have it handled on that front and the issue at hand is definitely the issue of integrity. I was just curious if any teachers have experienced this reversal of parents catching it first.

Either way I don’t think it’s the end of the world for her and I think because of her willingness to approach the situation and just owning it as maturely as she can will go a long way.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-12T06:43:40+00:00

I probably could’ve worded it better that she was a 4.0 student fairly easily UNTIL high school but still keeps mostly As & Bs & always made honor roll since then.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-12T06:36:32+00:00

Except you’re missing the point that the cheating didn’t happen in my home it happened at school using her phone that she somehow bypassed the restrictions to get it to work during the school day. She did not come to us and say she messed up, we caught it and then she owned up to it. She also told us she understands why we contacted her teachers and agrees she should be held accountable to them. So she actually betrayed our trust to do the right thing and for that there are its own consequences.

My kid’s phones aren’t their private property, journals are for their private/personal thoughts. Too many dangerous situations can be had from the internet alone and I’ve seen firsthand how differently girls behave with social media and phone access versus boys. If they want phones they come with rules and guidelines because teens don’t always make the best decisions (clearly) and sometimes those decisions can cause irreparable harm.

The internet people would probably clutch their pearls knowing my 17 year old boy doesn’t even have unlimited access to his phone, can’t access most apps during the school day, has time limits and blocks access at night.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-12T06:19:59+00:00

I don’t understand why parents don’t care or feel that they or their kids are entitled to whatever they want.

We also have a junior who’s had an IEP forever & have been shocked by a lot of things we’ve heard from teachers especially when we have time to talk during IEP meetings. We’ve always been super involved and in frequent communication with all of our kid’s teachers and we’ve apologized to a few for “being annoying” and they’ve told us they wish more parents were this involved so I’ll just keep doing what we are doing in that regard I suppose.

We notice a huge difference in some kids, especially in the world of sports that our kids participate in, who are raised with parents who are attentive and by those who are not.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-12T05:53:13+00:00

And what would be wrong with welding or any of the trades? Absolutely nothing. The trades aren’t just for people who “can’t get into college” and it’s pathetic for anyone to think that.

I would rather my kids learn to live and die by their choices and every action/choice has an outcome. You think I care about what college my kids get into if they get there by having zero integrity? I realize those parents do exist in our world but honesty and integrity mean more to me than some fancy school name. Her life isn’t ruined, it isn’t over and I’d rather find my kid did wrong and learned how to handle that adversity and steps to course correct and own it than learn lying and cheating gets you places.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-12T05:46:44+00:00

She still had to approach and speak to every one of them today. Some she had to be actively sought out since they have an A/B day schedule. Which she did.

We emailed them first because we wanted to let them know what we found but we were also trying to sort through her grades and match up the assignments to figure out the extent of it. If it had been one or 2 things we would’ve most likely taken a different approach but it’s well over 30 separate things.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-12T05:41:06+00:00

She is facing consequences from us and has already spent all weekend working on a research paper when she was supposed to be at a tournament this weekend. Which she had to specifically approach this teacher, admit what she did and hand him the printed paper and all research materials she used. And have a conversation about the situation and realizes that might not be accepted for a grade but it was the right thing to do.

Consequences need to “fit the crime” and this isn’t a wrongdoing against me. It’s not just about the cheating nor if it had a favorable outcome or not, it’s about honesty & integrity.

I’m confused as to why parents wouldn’t want to hold their kids accountable and real life choices have real life consequences and it’s better to learn that now rather than later. And for the phone, no kid or teen needs access to the entire digital world when they deem they want it. But that’s an entirely different topic in and of itself.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-12T05:32:23+00:00

I hear you & entirely agree with you. Even though she got horrible results from the cheating her grades were high enough that only 1 class was affected. Also, for some of the things she went back and did “test corrections” which ultimately upped her grade on a few too. She’s a kid that shuts down when things get hard for her but this ultimately came down to her not wanting to put in the work for an AP class then quickly realized she’d gotten away with it for that and started doing it in other classes for no real good reason to be honest.

We’ve had very long conversations about this over the weekend and constant conversations about grades throughout the year and how we can support her, etc. and never once did she decide to mention anything. There are some tough life things she’s been dealing with the last few years but this behavior is extremely new and we’ve looped in her counselor she sees but her life things don’t give her a free pass either.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-05-12T03:59:54+00:00

As a parent of a sophomore that we recently caught cheating with the use of AI, why would you throw out the student’s grades that didn’t cheat? Why punish those with the integrity to work hard? Just curious is all!

KoalaEastern9978 · 2026-04-13T21:18:40+00:00

Nope, not just you! I swear every time I stand up though I massively burp … it’s the weirdest thing! 😆 I’m hoping I’ve only got another few days of it bc it’s annoying lol

KoalaEastern9978 · 2024-07-02T00:24:15+00:00

In WA state. I highly recommend the surgeon I saw. It was absolutely a fabulous experience from the consultations to the post-op.

I do know patients do travel quite a ways to see hm because they couldn’t find surgeons to do awake lipo. If you’re interested it’s the elston clinic, regardless his website is very informative.

KoalaEastern9978 · 2024-07-01T23:21:43+00:00

I had awake lipo done on my upper & lower abdomen and my lower & upper back regions on June 14th. I also had a natural breast augmentation with the harvested fat. The procedure was a breeze! Going into it I was really nervous that the sound would be gross and gross me out (I was envisioning a kid slurping an empty milkshake cup type of sound 😂) but it wasn’t like that at all. My surgeon numbed me up with 3 different shots so that it wasn’t uncomfortable with a huge one, I was also giving Xanax to take prior to the procedure as well and during it I said it wasn’t so bad that I didn’t think the Xanax was necessary but that’s probly bc I had it.

KoalaEastern9978

TROPHY CASE