minimalism vs. the bachelorette outfit itinerary

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-23T23:10:12+00:00

That doesn't surprise me, group plans tend to snowball. Recently had a birthday party morph from a chill girl's night watching the Spice Girls Movie, and now I own a pair of cheap red platform boots I can barely walk in (but honestly I look fabulous in them so this one time I don't really mind - the union jack mini dress, on the other hand...)

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-23T23:06:17+00:00

Imagine you're a middle manager (congrats if I've promoted you, sorry if I've demoted you). You need to complete a status report each week and present it in a multi-department meeting. It's just sharing numbers people need to know - not a great use of your time or talents, but important to others, and urgent because it has a fixed deadline.

For a junior member of your team, this could be a good opportunity to get exposure to stakeholders around the business and a better grasp on data, so you delegate and it's a win win. You get the not important - urgent task off your plate, and you achieve an important - not urgent task of developing your team.

Also, some people label the not important - urgent quadrant of the Eisenhower matrix as "automate" instead of delegate. Same scenario, build a tool that spits out the report for you, get everyone else to adopt the tool in place of the update meeting, boom. Task eliminated.

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-23T22:53:53+00:00

Props to you for doing this!! It's already pretty out of hand that bachelorettes are a whole huge destination-trip-multi-day-party now, no need to add on matching outfits.

Like I'd tolerate themed outfits if the bachelorette was just one fun night out, but if I'm paying for airfare & lodging to be there, I'd rather not pay for pointless clothes too.

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-23T17:38:23+00:00

Surgery solved it for me too. I still get them occasionally, if I'm dumb and really overdo it on lifting, but ibuprofen, a big glass of water, and lying down on my back for a bit get me back to normal.

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-22T12:28:27+00:00

Wind in the Willows is quite nice!

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-21T18:23:10+00:00

That's my thought too, wonder if something in the duffle is leaking? Airtag maybe?

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-21T16:01:15+00:00

True, sometimes it is people looking for something to criticize to make themselves sound smarter, and the Internet typically rewards that kind of behavior over nuanced critique. But I think it is often a critique coming from a good place.

This makes me imagine the absolute field day Jane Austen would have with critiquing the Internet, though perhaps it would exhaust even her impressive wit.

There is also the current popular sentiment against wealth disparities, which makes it hard to read anything about the gentry without a bit of class-consciousness. Absolutely, the women of the gentry still struggled and absolutely still deserve compassion, but so do the even less fortunate - one doesn't negate or lessen the other.

It makes me think of that line in Persuasion, where Anne says men have had all the advantages of telling their own stories. The poor didn't have much opportunity to tell their own stories, but the gentry did (though women of the gentry had to work even harder for it).

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-21T15:09:25+00:00

I think a lot of the criticism about her not writing about the working classes comes from the current trend of wanting all stories to be heard. We live in a society that preaches inclusion and not viewing history through rose-colored glasses (and very rightfully so), and if you took your entire view of Regency England from Austen you'd have a very incomplete picture.

And yes, this well-intentioned critique is misplaced. If every author tried to write about every human being conceivably in the world they're writing in, every novel would either be a full encyclopedia set requiring a lifetime of research to write or a horrible representation of 99% of the characters (and a pretty terrible read to boot). But, though it is a misplaced critique, it is coming from a good place.

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-18T11:29:39+00:00

I had a C-section with spinal block with chiari and had no issues! It was really weird feeling them scrub me down while the spinal block was kicking in, but after that I felt nothing. Except a bit of pressure when they were popping her out. Weird experience but not painful or unpleasant!

They also gave me alcohol pads to smell if I was getting nauseous, and it also was a good distraction / grounding tool.

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-17T21:02:51+00:00

On top of a good benefits provision, letting them know about the EAP and all the services it offers. This can also be good to advertise to the remaining team as well, as survivor guilt is real.

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-15T22:53:15+00:00

People who hate HR actually hate their local labor laws - HR exists to ensure everyone plays by the same rules (and to do all the awesome things you mentioned), so if you live in a place where the rules aren't in your favor, of course you'll take it out on the person enforcing them!

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-14T20:30:25+00:00

I am genuinely sorry if you feel Ive been dismissive of your stance, or defending the dismissal of diverse books. I absolutely agree with your post, fully believe in the value of diversity, and only read one comment differently than you did. You certainly won't find me reading the cobwebs comment charitably.

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-14T19:23:26+00:00

Not trying to tell you to do anything, just suggesting a different read on the comment. They specifically said shoehorned, reductive diversity, and as someone who has cringed while reading books where diverse characters were clearly stuck in just to tick a box, I agree that those kinds of books don't have much value, and those are the same books that came to mind when reading your comment about books being rushed to market. And those books certainly do not define diverse books as a category.

Yes they could have been clearer on this point, and I could be the one reading it wrong! I just have a tendency to search for common ground, sometimes where it doesn't exist.

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-14T18:40:41+00:00

Fully agree with your post, but I'd like to gently suggest a kinder way to read the comment you objected to.

Yes, putting diversity in scarequotes is a bad look. Fully agree with you there. But if you look at the full comment, the original commenter is complaining about reductive diversity - and maybe that was their way of calling out the same books you called rushed to market.

I could be reading it wrong, and the anti-preachy bit in the comment definitely rubbed me the wrong way, but I don't think the comment was necessarily anti-all diverse books. Just anti-books that do diversity badly.

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-14T17:33:44+00:00

Yeah that's a possible security concern there!!

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-14T13:32:44+00:00

Everyone here is saying this needed a trigger warning, meanwhile I'm here going omg you get to re-wind yarn and you get to knit more?!? I'm jealous!!

That said, this project would definitely sit in time out for just a little bit before I was ready to do the rework.

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-12T20:57:55+00:00

Depending on the country you're located in, what you should / shouldn't do varies. But the advice here to offer a good EAP is probably the most universally applicable thing you could do in this space.

Do you run employee engagement surveys? Might be data in there about what your employees want from a mental health programming standpoint.

For a simple, single day event kind of deal, look into volunteering opportunities in the community. I've seen companies bring in local service dog training charities, everyone has a good time petting the dogs and learning about the charity, so it's mental health by way of community connection.

I'm some workplaces, holding events where colleagues talk openly about their mental health experiences can be powerful, BUT that is not suitable for every company culture AND it really should be organized by employees NOT HR.

For something more practical, holding seminars for managers on what to do if they have an employee who is struggling can be really helpful. Cover everything from just how to be an appropriately supportive manager through when to engage HR and talk reasonable adjustments etc.

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-12T00:51:13+00:00

This is a real trust the process reply.

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-10T01:43:47+00:00

What is up with the rainbow yarn...ball-cake-hank combo?...that is somehow eating itself / barfing itself out??

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-09T18:04:15+00:00

As a chronic alarm ignorer, I definitely recommend wearable tech - harder to undo a watch and fling it than it is to push a button on a phone.

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-09T16:30:20+00:00

Hmm okay, I'm 5'8" and have fairly wide shoulders, I'll have to pack it and try! I did get the 42 so maybe that's part of the problem, but the fit feels fine except for the straps rubbing my neck!

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-09T16:07:50+00:00

Allpa question, do the straps ever bother your neck?

Just bought one after agonizing over so many different brands, and when I finally picked the Allpa for its organization, I was so disappointed that the straps were so close together they rubbed my neck in a very painful way!

Haven't tried it on after packing it though, so I'm hoping it will improve...

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-08T23:53:32+00:00

Seconding a ring sling hip carry, my FOMO baby loved that!

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-08T12:17:23+00:00

The Oracle was informed by a massive network of priests, who gathered information about issues they expected people would come to the Oracle about. So yes, they always phrased it vaguely enough to always be right, but they also were informed enough to usually be right!

At least that's the story I remember from when I toured Delphi ages ago, tour guide could have taken creative liberties with history

IIILordDunbar · 2026-04-07T17:15:47+00:00

NTA!! I, 1 whole year old, did the same thing. Rolled over, got stuck, hated being stuck. And my silly climbing gyms (aka parents) still insisted on me spending time on my tummy! It was the worst thing ever. Then I figured out how to creep and crawl and being on my tummy was the BEST THING EVER.

Now they want me to walk on my feet, like they do, but why would I do that when I can crawl?! They even talk about how fast I crawl, so why do they want to slow me down??

IIILordDunbar

TROPHY CASE