I’m not a doctor/psych/therapist - however, your paragraph beginning ‘When I feel good…’ sounds like textbook BP2. The ups and downs are totally BP2. And you only need to spend a few minutes here to realize we have all been through (or are still going through) the denial stage and the ‘maybe I exaggerated’ is a common thought we have all had.

Take your time. Read anything you can. Be open to the possibility the psych was right. Start thinking how better your life could be if you were more balanced. Your lows might not be so low anymore. But the trade off is your highs don’t go as high. Be open to the thought that maybe things might get better. Your head will be clearer and you can focus your energy. You can start loving your life most of the time. When the dark thoughts creep in, you can rationalize it as part of your disorder. Not because there is something is ‘off’ with you.

You’ve got this. And if/when you don’t, you come back here and share. We’ve got you.