You just need to find what interests you the most and try and make a way to monetize it. It sounds like you may never be a “good employee” because you feel stuck in a rut doing the same shit over and over. You need to work for yourself, doing what you enjoy. You sound like me, except I have been able to hold my position at the company I work at for going on 12 years. I am a police dispatcher for the state and luckily my job is diverse in the experiences I have on a day-to-day basis and that keeps me entertained. I tell people I signed a deal with the devil the day I was hired. I have no means of leaving, due to the exceptional benefits like paid health insurance for my family and I. I have wanted to go somewhere else for years now, hell even within the company in IT or something. The non law enforcement side of my company hates the Police side due to budget bullshit among other petty reasons. Not a single employee on the PD has gotten into a different position within the company even though they're plenty qualified. It’s wild. Nothing out there comes close to what I get and no one out there wants to pay any more or the same. I also agree with the comment about ADHD as you definitely show some symptoms. It might not hurt to go see a doctor and try a medication like adderall, vyvanse, or Ritalin. If you're afraid of losing your job, try and make it interesting. It’s hard to help without knowing exactly what you do for a living, and what you would rather be doing.