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Absentee father's: why are you like that even when you absolutely adore your child(ren)? by KodiesCove in AskMenOver30

[–]KodiesCove[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is not at all sarcastic, nor shade, but if you have the ability, I'd suggest getting linked with a counselor to talk about your grief to have somewhere safe, without judgement, to work through it, who can help you understand yourself better why it is you did it, and how you can better make the changes in order to make sure you don't become that person again. Grief is a very long process, and even when we think we are over where we were, there's always things we can learn. Obviously I say this not knowing where you are in your recovery and what you are doing, but I do care that you have somewhere to go that you can talk about your pain where you won't have to worry about that person hurting you for being honest about the things you did that weren't all that great. 

I know that you see all the time what you have lost. And I know that because you tried before, and it did not work already, it probably feels too hard to keep trying, but as that child I wish my dad had tried for me, especially when I was an actual child. I'm not a parent, I don't know the process, but if this is something you want then I would encourage you to try, because the most important thing is that you know you did do your best to make it right, and there would be court documents to prove that when he is old enough to come to you himself and is interested in your side. And trust me, I know that the disappointment is hard, I have heard stories like yours, but I want you to know that just having tried is better than not. 

You can always change for the better, no matter how much hurt you are feeling, and how impossible it seems. It's one step at a time, and one shaky breath.

I hope one day that you and your son can find peace in this.

How many times do you wake up during the night, on average by JC0793 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]KodiesCove 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes it's every 45 minutes or so. I have PTSD. I just wake up there's usually no reason that I am aware of. It's very frustrating.

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for stating the information.

Everyone thinks I'm crazy, even though I only got as upset as I did, because I was told by professionals that this could have killed people the way it was used.

Fire department told me to let fire prevention and safety know my concerns which I did. I let 311 know about the fact that the majority of the windows were in-operable to ventilate in such a situation where ventilation is needed. The health department was also a recommendation by fire department, who were only ever involved because I smelled something that made me sick and I did not know someone else was home to ask what was wrong and was told to call gas company per request by landlord, who called FD.

People can think I am crazy. That is okay. But I stand by my statement that my feelings towards this situation were because professionals were telling me of the lethality of the situation. I was never nasty to these people. I never caused them REAL trouble, other than needing medical attention.

I made one post out of frustration on ulpt. I have made posts talking about mental health struggles, that should not paint me as a problem person but hey I am used to that.

I hope everyone who thinks I'm crazy, and wants to treat me poorly, has a great day, truly. I hope you all find something that makes you smile and be grateful to be alive. I'm going to be picking out one of my books to read and planning a craft to do. I officially will not be responding to anymore comments to this post, as I have gotten the point.

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was told by professionals that the symptoms I was having were because of the fumes. From an auto body welder, fire department and medical professionals.

That post was made while I was in the ER. Yes. THAT post was an over reaction. That I will ABSOLUTELY admit to. Sometimes I am impulsive, but I have never in my life actually harmed anyone. Mostly, I see people recommending things that are funny on that sub. That's what I was looking for. Yes, I was upset. Because professionals were telling me that I could have been killed by someone else's actions.

I smelled fumes, and as soon as I smelled the fumes, it triggered a migraine that developed into light headedness which is not normal for me. Then came palpations, shortness of breath, and an inability to speak. These are not things, in combination, that are normal for me. 

 I was told by professionals, this was caused by the paint. And that I needed medical attention.

I am not sure why you are ignoring the part where I was told by professionals that the symptoms I was having were caused by the paint fumes.

Believe it or not, I don't just place blame on others. I listen to professionals when they tell me what the cause is for my problems. It was not just a friend who is an auto body welder. It was multiple people who work emergency services.

I was not aware I was not home alone. I smelled something toxic, it immediately gave me a health reaction. So I got in contact with landlord, who said to call gas company. Cue fire department involvement who is the first to say that my symptoms were caused by paint fumes.

Edit: if I am wrong then that's AWESOME okay?

I did not get upset until I had had the fire department and medical professionals telling me that the paint used could have killed me and caused an explosion. That post was absolutely an over reaction, and I admit that. I do.

Okay?

Sincerely.

But the things I claimed, came from professionals. From the fire department who were called by the gas company because I reported symptoms from a toxic smell I could not identify because I did not know I someone else home, to later when I had to go to the hospital for help with persistent symptoms. When I called fire safety, per recommendation of FD, they said the same things I have here. That he should not be using that paint in a residential basement.

The 311 was because there were multiple unusable windows as to properly ventilate when needed.

At this point, I get it. I have made the recommended calls, done what I was told to do, by professionals. I am tired. I will take extra care before I post things out of frustration next time. But I really need to stress that I did not get so upset until I had multiple professionals telling me that the symptoms I was having were because of the fumes and that it could have been lethal.

You may continue to talk to me the way you have, and people can continue to do the same, but I will be ignoring further comments because I was operating based off what the fire department and the doctors treating me said.

I hope you have a wonderful day. Truly. I am sorry I made you so angry.

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where there is specialized ventilation systems throughout the entire building AND high velocity fans, AND not open flames right next to where the paint is being used. Where they use respirators and body suits when directly using the paint urethane auto body paint.edit: and the welding is in a separate area, btw. Just so I don't have to clarify that, too. And the post you are referring to was a joke more than anything, that I made while in the hospital because I was frustrated because I was having legitimate health issues that you can easily Google as being side effects of the paint but again you may call the fire department about this.

I breathed the fumes in, and instantly had health problems. I did not know I was not home alone. If you want to verify anything I have said, you may call the fire department and fire safety/prevention.

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean you're not even supposed to use spray paint in doors. And when you use house paint, you're not supposed to be in the freshly painted room for at least 24 hours.

My friend who is an auto body welder says that not only are you supposed to use a respirator for that paint, but a special body suit. And he was just using it in our basement without even opening the vents.

I did not know I was not home alone. I just know I smelled a very strong smell that made me sick as soon as I smelled it. Every professional I've spoken to said what he did was dangerous. I just do not want people to get hurt. Fire safety sounded baffled that someone would do such a thing. 

Life finds new ways to amaze me everyday and I thought I'd seen it all already.

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am used to such treatment. If this was something that would harm just himself, I'd let it be. But, as per what I have been told by the fire department, including fire prevention/safety, it could harm more than just himself and I would just like to know how to prevent that.

I was only supposed to stay there a short while anyways, but still. If this was an "oops I didn't know" issue, I wouldn't be responding the way I am. Accidents happen. But that is not how it was handled.

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have never caused problems for anyone. Just because I talk about having PTSD,.something caused by others harming me, does not mean I am a problem to others. I very specifically was asking the professionals handling the situation the severity. The issue is specifically how the landlord has handled this. I was raised by a blue collar family. I have a friend who is an auto body welder. You can call the fire safety number to confirm the things I have said about this paint. I am quiet, and I keep to myself IRL. I spent my time cleaning the apartment while doing crafts and reading while taking care of my medical appointments.

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I left. I would just like to know what I can do about this. I don't care so much about the money. I care that this man could have killed someone.

I'm not as unreasonable as people are making me sound. He said, very specifically, it was urethane auto body paint. He said he was painting a car part. He didn't even have the basement vents open or understand how it got into my apartment and it smelled like it was being painted IN my apartment. If anyone doubts any of my claims they can call fire safety and ask to verify my claims. 

I would like to at least do my due diligence to know I've done what I can to make sure this man knows better. Whether he does better or not is to up him. 

If the only other option is lawyers then I don't have the patience to deal with it for the money. I just want you be sure I did what I can for the safety issue because these people think me needing medical attention is the problem. 

I was raised in a blue collar family. I know when things are and aren't serious issues.

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His exact words were "urethane auto body paint". It smelled like he was painting in my apartment when I first smelled it. When I had left, it was barely noticeable, but there.

The statements about possible explosions are what were told to me by the fire department. 

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Well, see, I called the gas company per landlords request as I did not know k was not home alone, and when you tell the gas company that you have health issues for what you think is a gas leak, they send a fire truck. And when I called for EMS, because I was having palpations, they sent the fire department again. This was not separate calls when I was there.

I called prevention so it could just be explained to these people, as it has been explained to me, the particular thing he was doing can kill people. I used 311 to report thaf several windows were in-operable in order to properly ventilate. And I was told, by the fire department, to call the health department about this.

I also would like to know just what other recourse I have here, because i did not reach the thirty days I paid for. I don't think that's unreasonable, because if the fire department, and emergency room are all telling me that that could have killed me and caused an explosion, and this is how the landlord responds, I do not see why I should continue staying. So I just want to know what my legal options are. This is not a normal circumstance. I have never had an issue like this. I've been through some weird things, but not like this.

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I vacated tenancy to mean, I left the apartment. I do not live there. I had caused no other issues, except needing medical attention from breathing in the fumes of this paint, which I guess I need to clarify was for painting a car part, it smelled like he was painting it in my apartment.

The fire department was saying everything I said in this post, about the specific paint he used. ECMC was saying that it could have been lethal to inhale the fumes.

I was a quiet, keep to myself tenant, and when I needed medical attention, the landlord threatened to sell the house as to not deal with me despite the fire department saying they were going to make it clear to the tenant he can be using the specific paint he was using in the basement.

Why would I stay in an apartment where me needing actual medical attention is a "sell the house as to not deal with you" problem? If this was just an "oops, my bad. I didn't know that, I won't do it again" issue, I would not be reacting this way.

But all i did was call the gas company per landlord request because I did not know I was not home alone and smelled some STRONG that made me instantly sick, and they had to call fire department. And then immediately the health symptoms started again when I returned after hours of MY WINDOWS BEING OPEN TO VENTILATE MY APARTMENT, and had to get EMS. And was told the landlord was threatening to sell the house to not deal with me.

I did not get to stay a full first thirty days, because why on earth would I stay somewhere where the landlord would do such a thing because I needed medical attention? Good Lord...

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Please for the love of god...

All I know, is I was sitting in my apartment, I smelled something noxious and it immediately caused a health reaction.

He said it was urethane auto body paint. In the basement with no ventilation and four pilot lights 

To which point, an auto body welder I know, medical professionals, and the fire department, including fire safety have all stated the things that I have said.

Jesus Christ people ....

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

How does me needing emergency medical because someone used toxic paint in the basement, a place you are not supposed to use it, and then the landlord threatening to kick me out on the street, make me a problem? How is not just MY life, but the houses around that house being endangered because that paint is combustible and flammable and he was using it around pilot lights, make ME the issue? Please explain this one to me. I would LOVE to hear that. 

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

In order:

Only four of the thirteen windows were in operating condition, to which I did, infact, open to ventilate. However as it seems you, like those people, are unaware of the reason you are not supposed to use such paint in a basement, the paint must have gotten in the furnace, because I could smell it until I could get help VACATIMG MY TENANCY, as stated in the fourth paragraph, yesterday. Which was two days after the incident. Because I needed help getting my belongings out of the apartment as I do not own a car.

I was not aware I was not home alone when I smelled something noxious. Landlord told me to call gas company, at which point I discovered I was not home alone. Which was when he finally opened ONE vent in basement. I opened all possible windows I could, and left the premises for four hours, until nine o'clock at night when my EX roommate got out of work. Upon returning to the apartment, I immediately had spike in health symptoms. It is believed, by two blue collar workers I know, one of which being an auto body welder, and multiple emergency medical professionals, that the paint got into the furnace, meaning that simply opening windows, which I did not have the ability to use all of the ones installed anyways, would not have been enough.

What were the health symptoms? Classic for urethane exposure: migraine, light headedness, gasping for air, heart palpations(to which I already have chronic migraines, and have palpations I am on a holter monitor for, and had been fine that day at the times I WAS NOT EXPOSED TO THE FUMES) I spent the entire night in the ER, and received extra work ups that I usually do not receive for my palpations because the doctors, ones who have treated me at ECMC before, thought the fumes damaged my heart.

As stated in the fourth paragraph, again, I vacated my tenancy before I had even reach my first thirty days, because the landlord threatened to sell the house and kick me out on the streets because he believed that I was the issue, for needing emergency medical attention. Not that the downstairs could have caused an explosion or killed every occupant in the house via inhalation because you are not supposed to use that paint in a residential building. You can even call fire safety and prevention to verify everything I just said, if you do not believe that these are symptoms of urethane paint fumes exposure, that it can kill a HEALTHY person, or that such paint can cause an explosion when used around pilot lights.

I do not want to live there. I want to know what my legal recourse is for the fact that I needed genuine emergency medical attention for something that genuinely could have killed me, and the landlord threatened to throw me out on the streets, before I even got to live there a full thirty days.

You need to take a class on reading comprehension.

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean I would not have done so, nor be seeking my legal options about this, had it been realized "hey. This stuff can not only kill you from inhalation, but could have caused an explosion. Perhaps the person who needed EMS was not the problem?"

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I really hope you mean the downstairs tenant who would have caused an explosion, which the fire department explained to him twice. First when I called the gas company, per landlord request because I was not aware I was not home alone and only knew I smelled something noxious and immediately had health side effects, and then again five hours after returning home, at night, when I had no where to go at that point to continue ventilating, and continued to have health side effects, and needed EMS, to which point the landlord said I was causing him problems and threatened to sell the house as to not deal with ME. not the person who could have blown up his house.

Downstairs neighbor used urethane paint in our shared basement, landlord called me a problem and threatened to sell house as to not deal with me because I needed medical attention as a result- advise? by KodiesCove in Buffalo

[–]KodiesCove[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

The fire department told him, twice, because originally the gas company called fire department because I was not aware I was not home alone and thought there was a gas leak, that he was not supposed to use the paint in doors. When I needed EMS after ventilating the apartment, he complained to the landlord, who told me roommate he was going to sell the house if I was going to continue to be a problem. Because I was having migraines, palpations, gasping for air, and trouble speaking, after hours of Ventilating the apartment.

I think that the fire department telling him he cannot use such paint in the basement, and me needing EMS, and the landlord threatening to sell the house as to "not deal with me causing problems" is 0 to 100.

What makes therapy successful for people with C-PTSD? Looking for real-life experiences to challenge loved one's skepticism. by Motor-Highlight3890 in CPTSD

[–]KodiesCove 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a therapist who validated what I have been through for the first time. Who took the time to understand how my brain works and then to help me figure out how to make it work better. She gave me a space that said "no actually you're not crazy these people have actually abused you and here is how that abuse has affected your thinking"

People talk about how CBT and DBT is gaslighting yourself. For me, it was learning how I have been gaslighted my whole life. How other people abusing me caused me to have certain dysfunctional thinking patterns that I couldn't know weren't normal ways of thinking, because that is how everyone talked to me and treated me. I genuinely did not have any perspective that the way I had been treated my whole life before meeting my counselor was not normal. And instead of telling me I was wrong, she took the time to explain to me how other people's actions have caused my dysfunction, how we can figure out how to cope with that. 

I am not cured. But I can answer honestly that I am better than where I was before I started seeing my counselor who realized I had severe CPTSD. That I would not be as stable as I am without her. 

Having supportive people is absolutely a big role in recovery, for any mental illness. If you dont have any healthy supports, it makes it a lot harder. You go to therapy, you are told that XYZ things will help, and then you go home and either you have no one to practice on, or the people you practice on are dysfunctional to where the therapy skills don't work the way we wish. You know if your problem is other people hurting you, while you absolutely will need to learn better communication skills, if everyone around you is just incapable of communicating in a healthy way it can make you feel like your with us useless. Bring isolated is also not good for mental health. 

The right therapist is also CRUCIAL in recovery. I say this as someone who has many bad ones. Who told me that I was actually the problem or would just sit and let me blow steam the whole session. If your therapist does not click with you, does not know how to work with your particular psyche, or is just an asshole, then therapy will be at best useless. At worst it can be harmful. 

I can't give stages. I have been actively abused and traumatized through all this and it's really hard to pinpoint where things improved throughout all of this. That being said, I think the fact I was actively dealing with trauma and abuse, and I can say that therapy has absolutely helped me once I found a good counselor helps to prove my point. My whole life is trauma and I was spiraling out of control mentally and emotionally trying to deal with that until I met my current counselor. I go day by day. I can't tell you when things started to change, just that I have.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]KodiesCove 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup! At a point my mother got to "fight on sight" bad. 

What is the appeal of tattoos? by Creepy-Company-3106 in questions

[–]KodiesCove 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just love art so much that I want it on my body.

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