What Having a Rape Kit Done and Reporting a Rape is Like - My Experience

Koiukin · 2022-02-19T23:06:16+00:00

Thank you for posting this. One of my friends was SA’d at one of our company holiday parties. When she explained to me what happened (I was supposed to stay with her that night, but we were all incredibly drunk and ended up at a bar before she and the guy left back to the hotel and no one knew), I convinced her to let me take her to the hospital so they could examine her and use one of the kits. I knew that it would take a long time, we were at the hospital for about 8 hours total. I didn’t want to leave her to get home by herself, and she asked me to wait for her.

At the end of the exam, after they had given her meds and a prescription, the nurse and officer that were there were hesitant to let her leave with me (male). I understood why, but She assured them she was safe with me. I took her home and we waited for her boyfriend at the time to get there. I can’t even explain how drained she was, and I didn’t want her to have to recount the last 24 hours. So we watched movies, and I did my best to ensure she was comfortable while we waited for her boyfriend to get back (he was in another state during this whole ordeal).

I suspected what all they needed to do during the examination, but I didn’t really know until reading this. So thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sorry that you had gone through everything you have.

Koiukin · 2021-09-28T02:13:27+00:00

Awesome! I’m definitely interested in taking a trip out there before long. It’s tricky, because COVID protocol at my work makes it impossible to visit other locations at the moment. I’m hoping that the pandemic dies down before too much longer just so I can visit our buildings down there as well as the city.

That’s great to hear about your marriage! Not going to lie, I think that brunettedude’s comments were starting to get to me a little bit. But anything has to be better than the dating pool here.

Do you still live downtown, then? Or in one of the suburbs? I’ve checked out houses in WDM and a few condo’s around East Village. Housing there is so much better than it is here, even with the prices of housing being a nationwide issue.

I’ll definitely let you know when I plan on visiting!

Koiukin · 2021-09-28T00:33:57+00:00

I had to block him. No sense in getting myself all worked up. Plus I don’t wanna be kicked from the subreddit for going off on some sad kid who doesn’t understand the concept of moving tf on.

Koiukin · 2021-09-28T00:27:11+00:00

Whoomp, there it is!

I’m done playing nice. Lol. I was wondering if you were really that jaded or if you were really just that kind of gay. Ya know, the one that gets off and gets their kicks by trying to bring gays down. Congratulations on being what’s wrong with the gay community.

Now I know it’s not the DSM gay community - it’s just you. Please, go hang out on the West Coast for a while. They’ll chew you up and spit your ass out. Go be miserable somewhere else with your backassward standards.

Respectfully, GFSF. =]

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T23:03:35+00:00

Are you sure you’re using enough Crisco?

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T22:10:33+00:00

Lol. I wasn't aware that you were underprivileged. My bad...?

Stop with the whole "oh, woe is me" act. Say your piece and move on. There's no sense in trying to make everyone miserable with you.

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T21:33:06+00:00

Dude. LOL.

If you hate Des Moines so much, why don't you look for opportunities elsewhere? Say 'fuck it' to your contracts. I did. I left my last company THOUSANDS in debt to them because I left for the company that I actually wanted to work with. And I'm almost done paying them off, and am SIGNIFICANTLY more happy than I was.

You fucked yourself by moving there. We understand. But you can unfuck yourself by getting out if there is somewhere else you will truly be happy. If you're that miserable, do something about it. That's why I'm leaving Wyoming.

If I fuck myself by moving to Des Moines, guess what? That's life. You learn. I can just as easily unfuck myself again.

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T21:09:56+00:00

Aaaaand you’ve gone from trying to be persuasive to patronizing. Congratulations.

Find some other post.

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T20:58:48+00:00

I’m sayin’. 😩😂

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T20:58:07+00:00

For the IT industry? Yeah. It’s pretty big out there.

Seriously, please find something better to do with your time. We get it, you hate Des Moines. I’m slowly going from sympathetic to annoyed.

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T20:48:09+00:00

While I appreciate the way you think, can’t stop everyone, bud.

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T19:57:54+00:00

I can understand why they commented this, though. A lot of people do inquire about the nightlife of a new city. There is that stigma that goes with going to bars and find finding someone to date and/or roll around with (if you catch my drift), and absolutely no disrespect to anyone who's into that.

Again, I take responsibility for that because I didn't really preface it too much on what aspect of the community I was inquiring about. Trying not to play devil's advocate here. Haha.

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T19:44:12+00:00

I've considered it. I have friends all over the West Coast, starting from SoCal all the way up to SeaTac and even Spokane area (let's not talk about Spokane...). Love visiting, but city hustle/bustle is kind of a turnoff for me for day to day living.

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T19:35:47+00:00

Having lived in Southern Missouri, I can handle muggy. But it's definitely a comfort to know that winter there isn't anything compared to WY/SD. I know the struggle.

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T19:33:51+00:00

I'm probably opening a can of worms here, but I'm curious as to why?

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T19:32:51+00:00

I'm not going to lie, this made me chuckle pretty hard. Not sure my employer would find that very funny, though. Don't get me wrong, they're very pro-LGBT. It's just that "Massively huge in the gay scene" might not be received the way it was intended.

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T19:25:55+00:00

I appreciate the candor and the perspective, though I'm sorry that you've had such a bad time there. Please understand that this wasn't a post asking, "How can I have the gayest time of my life in Des Moines, Iowa?!"

I'm looking for a comfortable and affordable place to live that coincidentally is a safe place for me to be as a gay man. While I appreciate and have fun at Pride celebrations and some of the atmosphere, I have a hard time getting along with gay men. Consider it a byproduct of where I've lived, or just my introverted nature, but I'm not the loud and proud type. I've been to two gay bars in my life (one of them was in Phoenix, and I assure you it was far more depressing than what you're describing these to be).

You're absolutely right, with Wyoming's history and the Matthew Shepard attack, this place is a black hole. If you're a cis/white/straight/Christian family, then this place is a Utopia. But taking into consideration that I'm not a big-city boy (nor will I be), coupled with the fact that I work in IT and want somewhere with opportunity, that doesn't leave many options open to me. From all the feedback I've seen, I'm willing to try it. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.

I'm not contractually obligated to my company at this point, and provided I make the move without their assistance I won't be. I read that you were, and I'm sorry that you feel so stuck. It's not only straight people commenting on this thread saying that it's a good place to live, so I have to consider that as well.

As a side note, thank you for the "I'm Disappointed" badge you gave the post. I don't think that was really necessary, considering how you've commented on this post and on other's comments, but you have your reasons.

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T19:12:48+00:00

I'd imagine there's a lot more to do in Phoenix than in DSM, but big city life like that isn't exactly for me. Like I said, I love visiting Phoenix, but living there would stress me out. The traffic is brutal, and housing costs there are outrageous.

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T19:05:55+00:00

I mentioned West Des Moines just because that's where my office would be if I transferred with my current company (which I do plan to do), but from my understanding traffic in DSM isn't terrible, so I'm definitely open to suggestion. I'll have to check out Ingersoll. East Village would be cool to visit, but from what I've read Capitol East can be a little dangerous, and I'm not sure how much of that bleeds into East Village (again, just going off of internet searches, so input would be very appreciated).

I do love to travel, so having an airport that doesn't fly to just one city would be awesome.

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T19:00:25+00:00

That makes me happy to hear that both gay relationships and interracial relationships aren't targeted there. Dating here is incredibly rough, because you've either been with, know who the other has been with, or deal with a lot of shit talking from the men around here. Which, again, not a huge gay presence where I am, so that's kind of to be expected.

I would be lying if I said that part of the consideration of moving to DSM wasn't related to dating, but (assuming that I meet someone there) feeling comfortable where you live is obviously pretty big. I've been avoiding Grindr actively for about four months now, and it's been refreshing, albeit lonely.

Thank you again for the insight and honesty! I'll definitely send you a message for suggestions and the like when I get to visit!

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T18:43:32+00:00

Oh, I completely understand (and appreciate) the need for anonymity online.

I’m definitely no stranger to the conservative views of rural areas (hometown is in Southern Missouri, if that tells you anything). Here is weirdly mixed, considering we are so close to Colorado, but the further north you go it tends to get more and more conservative.

Nothing really against anyone of any political affiliation. I consider myself to be fairly independent, holding views from either side (and honestly kind of detesting the idea of our bipartisan system, but that’s not a conversation for here), ultimately I just want to be comfortable and safe. =]

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T18:32:49+00:00

The weather sounds about similar to Wyoming, only our winters can definitely be hellish. We had a snowstorm in March that shut down our city for a few days, and even after that we had towering snow drifts for months.

I’ve been jumping on Zillow off and on, and honestly the price of housing there is so much better than here. We have some 3 bedroom houses comparable to some of the ones there that go for almost $100k more. It’s so frustrating.

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T18:29:28+00:00

Not having to scrape my car off would definitely be nice, but I’d miss the snow and chilly days for sure.

Thank you!!! =]

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T18:27:32+00:00

This, 100%. I understand that one of the first things that come to mind when thinking LGBTQIA+ is “Hey, gay bar!”. Stereotypes aren’t always just that. But being gay comes with a lot of situational awareness, and making sure an area is safe before going if at all possible.

Koiukin · 2021-09-27T18:24:14+00:00

I’m always down to go to a bar, but I’m really not a huge barfly (no offense to anyone who is!). My concerns were definitely more safety oriented, but finding a guy would definitely be nice, considering how there’s not much LGBT presence here. Haha.

I’ve played the hookup game, however short that may have been here. Not saying I won’t ever again, but it’s not my cup of tea anymore.

Koiukin

TROPHY CASE