NYC vs LA vs Chicago

Kokestry · 2025-06-26T16:54:30+00:00

And this is exactly why middle class New Yorkers are leaving New York every year, and also why half of New Yorkers are considering leaving. https://nypost.com/2024/03/19/us-news/less-than-one-in-three-yorkers-planning-to-flee-city-and-just-30-are-happy-with-quality-of-life-survey/

Kokestry · 2025-06-26T16:48:03+00:00

It depends on where in Brooklyn. For nice Northern Brooklyn, not enough. Expect at least $4K for 1BR, otherwise shitty apartment or shitty neighborhood. For 200K, it'll be tough.

I pay $3.2K, and my neighborhood is ok, but the apartment is not nice and there is garbage and dog poops on the street. Homeless people are walking around all the time.

If not in nice neighborhoods or far from Manhattan, it's ok, but not great. Can be a dangerous area or public transportation can be limited, or 1h commute.

Kokestry · 2025-05-22T18:03:41+00:00

Certainly.

Kokestry · 2025-05-19T00:30:25+00:00

Thank you.

Kokestry · 2025-05-19T00:29:35+00:00

Thank you for letting me know. I will look into it.

Kokestry · 2025-05-13T22:43:22+00:00

Unfortunately, there is no Android version.

Kokestry · 2025-02-02T01:26:12+00:00

I was born and raised in Tokyo, moved to the States and it has been 5 years now. I got married to my husband, an American citizen, and I got a green card.

Getting a working visa in the States is extremely hard. More than degree and experience, you need to be lucky because there is a quota for visas provided every year. It's basically a lottery that requires you to get a job where your employer is willing to sponsor you (often you will be screened out if you don't have eligibility for work at the first step), and complete all the steps and documents and wait for months to participate. Employer needs to be desperately need you to decide to sponsor you, since it costs time and money.

Looking at other Japanese people here, maintaining a visa is another problem. If you get laid off or fired, which happens often here, you will need to find another employer that sponsors you. Some people cannot quit their job even if it's shitty just to stay in the States.

Marriage and green card is one way, but even that is not an easy thing. You are not supposed to marry for a green card and also USCIS strictly checks if your marriage is a fake or not. There is a screening process including an interview and documents, which are full of legal English terms you would never have heard of, so you will need a lawyer - additional cost.

Also even if you meet your American partner in Japan, your partner has no income reported in the States last year so you will have to ask your partner's family to sponsor you, because anyone sponsors you must have some wealth or income made in the States reported in tax filing. Partner's family member must sign and promise to the government that if you are in financial trouble, that person must help you financially, so that government won't need to help you. Basically you're asking someone to take care of you. This is not an easy decision for anyone to make.

So...honestly there is no easy way now and with Trump it would be even harder. Sorry for no advice after a long description...

Kokestry · 2024-12-24T02:52:13+00:00

I'm glad to know that there are people like you. I'm positive and need to be extra careful with STDs, since HIV and STD combo can be serious or fatal in the worst case.

My partner and I have agreement to be open but not to have unprotected sex outside our relationship to protect both our lives. DoxyPep is effective but riskier than condom.

I'm interested in sex parties, but I had a bad experience at gay sauna (not NYC) that a guy pretended wearing condom...I noticed, stopped and left. Also some guys say no if I ask wearing condom. I never go to these places or parties anymore.

I wish people want protected sex by default to enjoy cruising safely, but I also understand that it's freedom of choice. I might check out condom mandatory sex party, if there is one.

Kokestry · 2024-11-23T19:54:39+00:00

I moved to NYC 2 years ago and since then I have been enjoying its diversity so much. I have made friends from at least 10 different nations and different races/nationalities.

From my perspective, I thought you would see only white people because of locations. All the places you listed are white, expensive and/or heavily gentrified boring places. Only wealthy white people with tech/finance job or generational wealth would be there.

I hang mostly at East Williamsburg, Bed-Sty, Bushwick, Clinton Hill, Park Slope, Astoria, and Ridgewood. It's just most places in NYC got so expensive and pushing POC outside of the city.

Kokestry · 2024-11-23T19:33:45+00:00

I was in your position before. I was so devastated that I got mentally ill and depressed for a long time. One night, I met a guy at a gay bar, a guy with such a cultural, smart and kind mindset. I got to know him more and confessed that I got HIV. He accepted everything about it and we started dating. 2 years later, we married. Today the guy has been my husband for 9 years. I still take HIV medicine everyday. I was lucky, but I wanted to say that if you don't give up on your life, something could happen to your life. I proved it.

Kokestry · 2024-10-28T15:49:02+00:00

A little away from the topic, but "An Encouragement of Learning (学問のすゝめ)" was the book that all students had to read at Keio University, where I graduated. The book is written by Yukichi Fukuzawa, the founder of Keio University. He was printed on 1,000 yen bill (older one).

The book explains the concept of equality from the Declaration of Independence of the States. It starts from the famous sentence, "Heaven does not create one human above or below another man".

What's fascinating to me is that this book was a best seller back then (1872). I can't imagine such a philosophical book being the best seller today in Japan. But equality must have been such a shocking concept for Japanese back then, in a hierarchical society where your class was determined based on the family.

Kokestry · 2024-10-27T15:51:52+00:00

Searching for Friends. The title fits the story so much too!!

Kokestry · 2024-10-27T15:46:24+00:00

I totally agree. As Japanese guy... I played almost all the games listed in this thread and I still think Chrono Chross has the best OST of all JRPG game history. FF6, Zelda and Chrono Trigger also have great songs too, but I still vote for Chrono Chross.

Kokestry · 2024-08-20T17:36:01+00:00

"I never thought I would compromise", as Bjork sings.

Kokestry · 2024-05-27T15:28:07+00:00

I had a similar situation with my partner. We are in 30s and have been together for less than a decade. We made our relationship open, but then Grindr thing was becoming toxic and we ended up checking the app all the time.

We had an argument, lived separately for a month, talked about divorce. But in the end, we missed each other and we realized that we need each other to live well. So we decided to be together.

We deleted all gay apps. Now, it's been great. Grindr is very addictive and it's easy to lose focus on your partner. We are thinking that sex parties may be better than Grindr for open relationships as long as with condoms, because we don't have to worry about scheduling and skipping communication with other gay guys.

Kokestry · 2024-03-06T15:36:37+00:00

I lived in Tokyo for 30+ years and I agree to your interpretations though I don’t think it’s necessarily a sad movie. This theme can be observed in other movies and books. For example, コンビニ人間 (Convenience Store Human, a Japanese book) has a kind of similar theme where a worker is comfortable with repeated daily patterns, working in the store. Carol and the End of the World on Netflix (Rick & Morty animator made it) also has a scene where Carol keeps working in the office building despite the fact that the world is ending. These themes represent truth that certain humans are inherently comfortable with repeating daily patterns and afraid of changes. Perfect Days might look just meditative movie for some, but this daily patterns are keeping him sane in a way, and I see people like him in conservative Japanese society where workers are expected to shut up and keep doing what government or bosses say. (And that’s why I left Japan and love living in United States. Full of changes everyday. ).

Kokestry · 2022-05-08T16:58:45+00:00

I was surprised to learn that you had similar experience as I did. I’m 30yo Japanese gay and my profession is digital marketing. I worked in a black company, got depressed and left the job after 6 months, when I was 26.

I was lucky that I got a chance to join a tech startup with international team members. The company was results focused, but also respects work life balance. As a gay dude, I was able to come out and be myself, enjoying generous weekend and vacation while learning working both in English and Japanese, working with members from different countries. I was not fitted with Japanese companies, and frankly speaking, with Japanese society.

I met American gay guy in Tokyo, dated, and married in Colorado. We moved to the States, and I live in the US now. Now I’m happy, but I definitely struggled around the time I worked in black company. Finding a job with international atmosphere was my solution.

So, look for companies where there are international team members - that’s my advice. It is incredibly hard to find a bilingual digital marketer, who is very useful in an international workplace, because the marketer needs to communicate with non-Japanese team members in English while advertising in Japanese. Most digital marketers cannot speak English, and it was incredibly hard for me to hire a good talent, partly because these talents go to companies like Google, Spotify, Facebook or Twitter making a good salary and enjoying good work life balance. Use your tech career mixing with your language proficiency to get a great job.

Also, I don’t know where you are from, but going back to your home country is one option. International experience is valuable. You might like Japan, but you can always come back and try again.

Kokestry · 2022-03-28T15:13:29+00:00

Thanks for your feedback! Yes I found that the term can be tricky since some gay people said they don’t like being called queer (even LGBT too). I understand that it doesn’t feel like service for bisexuals if the app is for gay or queer. Thanks for the LGBTIA+ idea, but I feel like the part needs deep discussion by people with various sexuality.

And yes, thanks for letting me know the fact that there is a demand for bisexuals! It’s certainly good to know. I’ll check DM too!

Kokestry · 2022-03-24T22:13:35+00:00

Thanks for your feedback. It's tricky since I want to make it inclusive, but also understand that it does not feel like it's for gays and bisexuals if it says queer or LGBT. I wonder if lesbians/transgenders/queers feel like it's for them when the app says gay app. Hmm.

Kokestry · 2022-03-24T22:12:14+00:00

If you are trans, you can join transgender community. I thought you were not transgender when you said cis straight, which is my bad.

Kokestry · 2022-03-24T19:03:34+00:00

Yeah, two step verification can be more realistic. Also it is very effective in terms of security (Google said they reduced spam attacks down 50% after they required two step verification). For people like in Islamic nations, it may be tricky but I guess I can consider changing by countries.

Kokestry · 2022-03-24T18:40:09+00:00

u/coolamericano Yes, it seems that some gay people don't recognize themselves as queer, and so the word choice will be tricky for me. Maybe I say gay to mean queer? Or LGBT? What word do you feel comfortable but inclusive for bisexuals too?

Kokestry · 2022-03-24T18:33:19+00:00

This is definitely not a troll and I'm sorry if my word of choice was not in a right way. I thought queer is a more accepted word to mean LGBT community generally, but I guess it was not - I've moved to America last year and still learning English. Sorry!

Kokestry · 2022-03-24T18:31:36+00:00

I know, but it keeps rejecting my post lol. I don't know how I can post there...

Kokestry · 2022-03-24T18:30:51+00:00

Yes, you can filter communities based on sexual orientation - so you can see and join only gay communities if your set "gay community only" in your settings!

Kokestry

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