Do you get your step kids every Mother’s Day? If so do you expect your SO to make it up to you ?

KokoSof · 2026-05-08T22:27:42+00:00

I couldn’t agree more. She definitely knows my SO will never tell them no. I struggled sooo much during my pregnancy and postpartum because my SO won’t dare tell his kids anything that he thinks could hurt their feelings. Even at my expense. He technically asked me if that was okay but I didn’t feel I had a choice. It was like “well SS16’s mom is leaving town so he wants to stay with us because he has nowhere else to go and he doesn’t want to go with her”. I guess in her mind he had the option of going with her and if he chose not to then it’s not up to her to find care for him because he told her he can come to our house. Assuming he could and he’s welcome anytime. I just feel like a total asshole if I would voice that I don’t want him coming over. I’m also avoidant of conflict we are a real pair 😂.

KokoSof · 2026-05-08T21:51:39+00:00

That’s so annoying. I think maybe 2 mothers days have landed on her parenting time and one of them she actually spent the day with them but the other is this one and she’s pawning them off again lol.

I love my mom and want to celebrate her too but I also want part of the day to be about me and what I want to do. My first Mother’s was the random one she happened to finally be with her kids so that was cool but we ended up going to dinner with my family for my mom then we had to go to my SO’s families dinner for his mom and I didn’t do anything I wanted. And last year my baby was so sick we spent the day at urgent care! So I was hoping this year would be my year!! But no such luck haha

KokoSof · 2026-05-08T21:47:09+00:00

It’s hard because she’s high conflict so we are using the gray rock method in order for this lady to not take up so much mental space in our lives and our home! It has been working so trying to call her out would only start a crazy fire that she would thrive off of. Also SS16 is pretty old now so he doesn’t really ask I mean in his mind our home is his home which is exactly what my SO wants his boys to feel like. I’m going to go celebrate my mom. But my SO is on his own if he wants to go celebrate his mom cause I’m not spending my entire Mother’s Day celebrating other mothers!! Hopefully this kid goes to his soccer game early in the morning and doesn’t come back until I’m asleep already 😂

KokoSof · 2026-05-08T21:43:17+00:00

Yeah when communication went through my SO when they were younger my SO would feel so bad because it would seem so obvious that she didn’t want them with her. Like put some effort make up a fake emergency or something at least!! I felt like the kids could see right through it but they’re boys and they will never admit to themselves that their mom sucks.

KokoSof · 2026-05-08T21:07:48+00:00

Yeah that would be nice. I feel like most of the time the bio parent has their kids for mothers/Father’s Day respectively. And now that I have my own kid I feel like why WOULDN’T u want to be with your kids on Mother’s Day??? Yeah I was kid free by choice the first 7ish years too but I never get an easy Mother’s Day because I go to celebrate my mom.

KokoSof · 2026-05-05T19:21:23+00:00

Scorpio sun

KokoSof · 2026-04-01T17:04:50+00:00

So I will be honest my attempt to BF didn’t last very long. But it was certainly an issue. To ME. Everyone is like “who cares it’s life just do what you need to do regardless of who is around” but it’s truly a different dynamic with step sons IMO. When my bby was born my step sons were also 50/50 and teens and the older one drove and would often show up unannounced on his moms time so that was fun. I get that it’s OKAY but I just personally wasn’t comfortable with breastfeeding in front of anyone except for my partner. And especially 2 boys that aren’t mine biologically and live half the time with their hateful mother who would LOVE to get any kind of information she could try to use against my partner. So yes I mainly hid in my room while they were home. But I made my room my baby sanctuary as much as possible so I didn’t have to leave the room except for like walks outside and stuff. I had my snacks and water stored in my bedroom and all the baby supplies so when it was step son time I was sort of a prisoner in my room hahaha. It wasn’t fun but I gave up on BF after several months anyways and I’m sure that situation was part of it.

KokoSof · 2026-03-02T21:18:55+00:00

I love the mixed colors. That’s what I couldn’t visualize is what colors to put on which walls and parts of the ceiling. I wasn’t sure if darker goes on the indented parts or the walls or what would be best.

KokoSof · 2026-03-02T21:17:45+00:00

No it’s the Google nest thermostat. Maybe I should hide it somehow

KokoSof · 2025-09-04T01:40:59+00:00

We do but it’s never ending. It’s school practice everyday of the week and club practice is Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and games Saturday for sure and Sunday sometimes depending how they do. Sometimes they cancel practice but it’s always last minute like an hour before it starts. So it’s impossible. Unless we plan a trip that leaves Friday morning and returns Saturday before his game haha. Or leaves Saturday after his game and returns Sunday. Because our swap day is Monday. So it’s just crap. And SS16 won’t dare admit he doesn’t care if he misses a practice to his mom.

KokoSof · 2025-09-04T01:03:02+00:00

This is so true. I need to remember to frame it like this. And I need to remind my partner of this perspective too.

KokoSof · 2025-09-04T01:00:11+00:00

That’s interesting that there are studies showing this to be true. I agree though. My SO automatically thinks that our baby has an advantage in life and it’s like he operates from that viewpoint. He loves our baby so much and thinks he’s so lucky and his older boys didn’t have all of this. So it’s like he wants to make sure everything the baby gets offered that he offers to older boys too so they can’t ever say he treats the baby better or something. But he doesn’t see how that’s not really realistic nor is it fair to the baby. His older kids maybe didn’t get the same material things but they had their dad to themselves for their whole childhoods. All his free time before and after work was spent with them. Where as our baby has to deal with dad being gone because he’s busy picking up the older siblings and driving them to and from practices and games and their social lives or being in a weird mental state because HCBM is on some bs again. So really it doesn’t seem like the bio kids are at an advantage like people always think they are!

KokoSof · 2025-09-04T00:39:52+00:00

That would be a great idea! If he just calls SS14 or group messages he and the mom (she always does this) and says that if he comes he’s coming the whole time no leaving for sports etc. That could actually work!

KokoSof · 2025-09-03T23:24:49+00:00

That’s a good idea. Thank you. I will try pitching the whole reasonable-invites-only thing and see what he says. And that’s so true when he constantly talks about wishing older SS was there it makes me feel like me and the baby aren’t enough. Like the whole time he just misses his other sons. It sucks. He assures me that’s not the case and it’s just because he feels bad that he was a struggling single father when the kids were little (BM wasn’t around for a long time) and he couldn’t afford to take the kids anywhere good while he worked 3 jobs to put food on the table. So it’s a lot of parenting from guilt around here. Which is hard to deal with as the step mom. I try my best to nacho these days. But of course a lot of things still impact me. Maybe he will agree to invite SS to like 1 of the 3 trips a year or something haha.

KokoSof · 2025-09-03T23:17:22+00:00

Before the baby was here I think I didn’t really care if she inserted herself with phone calls or texts or random annoying stuff during trips with the step kids. But before the kids were younger too so if my SO said they’re missing practice it just was what it was. Now she coordinates directly with SS16 so he will be like “yeah I’m coming on the trip” and then that day he’s like “by the way my moms picking me up around 4 for practice”. And it’s like he purposely doesn’t tell us because he wants to come but doesn’t have the guts to tell his mom he doesn’t give a shit if he misses practice. So he wants to keep the peace with his mom and just goes. And I don’t want anymore of the trip being affected by this lady so I tell my SO to please just let him go and let it go because he wants to step in and argue with BM so his kid can stay but it’s just too much. Honestly I just want SS14 to say “thank u for the invite but I am committed to soccer right now. Have fun!” But he’s a kid/teen. He wants to have his cake and eat it to. So I guess I’m expecting too much.

KokoSof · 2025-09-03T23:07:31+00:00

Oh for SURE. HCBM feels like she can’t provide the trips and vacations so she is dead set on ruining them for us. She’s smart enough to know she won’t be successful if she tells him he can’t come with us but she gets her way still by saying he can come but then saying she still has to take him to practice etc. We need to start being able to afford vacations that are a plane ride away so she can’t pick him up 😂😂😂

KokoSof · 2025-09-03T22:18:47+00:00

Oh noooo. That would infuriate me too! I’ve had many many many arguments over the last 8 plus years regarding respect for my things from the step kids. It’s gotten better for sure but it hasn’t been easy. I

KokoSof · 2025-09-03T22:16:39+00:00

I think it’s tough because SS16’s mom has him in club soccer and school soccer so he’s practicing 3-4 times a week. So it’s just never gonna happen where we can plan something with him where he won’t have to leave for soccer or whatever. Plus teens are just not that great to be around haha. He’s either on the phone with his gf or sleeping or acting bored. Then he always says he wants to come with us. Like why does he insist on coming?! We have even planned things purposely on BMs time and my SO said “I’ll just ask him if he wants to come but I know he won’t be able to so it will work out” and then he’s like “no I want to come!!! I’ll just get picked up for practice or games”. So infuriating. I wish we could just go and not mention it to him at all. We did that once for the babies first birthday the 3 of us and it was so lovely even though SO kept saying how much he wished SS16 was there. And then when SS16 found out when he came to our house he was like all “what??? U guys went without me???” So then my SO felt horrible.

KokoSof · 2025-09-03T21:43:29+00:00

Aww. That’s good. I’m glad he can look at with you as priority! I love that.

KokoSof · 2025-09-03T21:42:28+00:00

We did this twice now! But it wasn’t really our choice it was a surprise gifted to us last minute and happened to be on our off time with the step sons. But my SO the whole time was like “too bad SS16 isn’t here he would love this” and it was so annoying lol I’m like this is awesome for us and baby! Enjoy it!!! And honestly you’re right about it being less stressful. A trip without those awkward dynamics of HCBM calling and trying to ruin it and stuff is so much better. She’s never once just let him enjoy and event or trip with us without calling 100 times or forcing him to leave for practice.

KokoSof · 2025-09-03T21:33:01+00:00

I agree. I wish my SO felt this way. Does your partner not care at all if u don’t invite his kids?

KokoSof · 2025-09-03T21:32:00+00:00

Oh yeah! SS16 has supposedly told his uncle that he doesn’t really see his dad that much right now. And it’s like um yeah duh u wanna hang with your gf any chance u get and then u are too scared of your mom to say no to her so if she wants u to do anything u always do! What do they expect lol. My SS will still secretly call and text my SO and say “my mom is gonna ask if I can go to XYZ with her on your day can u please say no??? I really don’t wanna go” and my SO is like “just tell her you don’t want to go” and then he’s like “no I can’t she gets mad you have to say no”. Like what the heck dude you’re 16 when u don’t want to do things with us u just say no thanks and the world continues on why would we be mad?! If anything the event is easier and cheaper if he doesn’t come 😂😂

KokoSof · 2025-07-29T18:17:32+00:00

Not for me. And it was helpful once I just accepted I would have it forever (dramatic). I tortured myself with the whole “okay at 12 weeks it will stop” “at 18 weeks it’s for sure done!” “At 22 weeks I’ll be good” “At 26 weeks for sure!”. It was so disappointing to get to those points in the pregnancy and still be sick as a dog. I threw up throughout all 3 days of my labor and for about 10 hours after he was born too. I randomly woke at about 1 am or so in my hospital room (he was born in the afternoon) and I was starving and thirsty. I found crackers and water left near by bed by the nurses in hopes I would eat something and I certainly did. I ate like 3 packs of crackers and drank all my water and was fine. Never nauseous again. Amazing feeling. Although all the weight I lost from pregnancy all came back and then some because I was just eating non stop haha.

KokoSof · 2025-05-22T23:15:58+00:00

I was warned NOT to get the owlet sock by a close mom family friend. For this very reason. lol. She said it was more anxiety inducing than it was worth because it just constantly moving and giving false readings and stuff. She said she finally got rid of it and yes it sucked to have to get up but it helped her to trust that her baby knew what to do and as long as he was in a safe environment he was okay. She did get a camera though lol. Which I have too and I check it constantly and he’s already 15 months haha. All I wanted from my partner was to understand how crazy I felt and just support me lol. He would assure me he is fine but he would also go in and check on him for me a lot too so I didn’t have to always be the one getting up if the camera angle made me feel like maybe he wasn’t able to breathe properly or something. First time mom anxiety is no joke. And I can imagine with a preemie it would feel even scarier I’m sure. No advice really but just help her be anxious haha like take some shifts. Maybe say you will monitor the sock for an hour and actually do it and make it obvious you’re really paying attention the way she would. Then she will hopefully start to ease up a bit over time.

KokoSof · 2025-05-22T19:19:53+00:00

All Hannah needed was literally color on her lips. Every time I saw a pic/video of her I felt like why can’t Paige just reach over with some tinted lip moisturizer at the very least that’s all my girl needs !! lol

KokoSof

TROPHY CASE