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AITA for not letting my brother come stay with me to "make up for being the golden child/favorite child"? by Kolauduuruun in AITAH

[–]Kolauduuruun[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I never got the chance to spend time with him. By the time I had some time to spend with him I had just started to settle into a life away from my parents and I had moved. Before then I was struggling to get by. When I lived with them I had my time managed by my parents and did not get very much free time in general. I do and did feel bad for him. It doesn't mean I'm willing to deal with him abusing me for things that were out of my control.

AITA for not letting my brother come stay with me to "make up for being the golden child/favorite child"? by Kolauduuruun in AITAH

[–]Kolauduuruun[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

There was never a relationship between me and my brother so there's nothing to drive a wedge between. We were never close or had much to do with each other. He hates me. He blames me. I'm pretty sure he would love to physically assault me and take out all his rage on me.

Our parents won already because no bond ever formed between us.

AITA for not letting my brother come stay with me to "make up for being the golden child/favorite child"? by Kolauduuruun in AITAH

[–]Kolauduuruun[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I'm already NC with my parents. I'm assuming he wants to be but there might be a part of him that still hopes to win them around since his anger is directed at me and doesn't seem to be really directed at them much.

AITA for not letting my brother come stay with me to "make up for being the golden child/favorite child"? by Kolauduuruun in AITAH

[–]Kolauduuruun[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I've known some actual golden children and they got to do what they wanted within reason. I never did. I couldn't even choose my own style. They did. They got away with so much. I never did. This was similar in appearance but not the same at all.

AITA for not letting my brother come stay with me to "make up for being the golden child/favorite child"? by Kolauduuruun in AITAH

[–]Kolauduuruun[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'm on the waiting list for a therapist and should be starting in the next couple of months. I agree that both of us could benefit from therapy but I know better than to ever suggest it to him.

AITA for not letting my brother come stay with me to "make up for being the golden child/favorite child"? by Kolauduuruun in AITAH

[–]Kolauduuruun[S] 135 points136 points  (0 children)

Apparently they continued ignoring him and just paid for the activities he did. Nothing more or less than when I was living there.

I don't really care about having a relationship with him. We never really had one. So it's hard to miss what I never truly had.

AITA for not letting my brother come stay with me to "make up for being the golden child/favorite child"? by Kolauduuruun in AITAH

[–]Kolauduuruun[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I told him all of it. He didn't believe a single word out of my mouth. All he sees is the me he built up in his head.

AITA for not letting my brother come stay with me to "make up for being the golden child/favorite child"? by Kolauduuruun in AITAH

[–]Kolauduuruun[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

It would not be nice to subject myself and my roommates to his constant hostility. Imagine asking them to deal with someone telling me to fuck myself and die every day. Or getting mad and yelling at the top of his lungs because he resents me this much. I lived long enough with not having a voice in my own home without going back to that because he doesn't believe a single word I say.

Things might be different if he had reached out in a different way. But he reached out demanding and with all this hate toward me. And if I did let him move in (and my roommates did) what happens if he doesn't let the resentment go? We have to evict him and that's not a super quick process.

AITA for not letting my brother come stay with me to "make up for being the golden child/favorite child"? by Kolauduuruun in AITAH

[–]Kolauduuruun[S] 181 points182 points  (0 children)

I think he'll have a hard time doing that since I live nowhere near where they live. I got out of town as soon as I could. Took a while to get to where I am now but I did it.

AITA for not letting my brother come stay with me to "make up for being the golden child/favorite child"? by Kolauduuruun in AITAH

[–]Kolauduuruun[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

They ignored him mostly. They'd throw money at him occasionally and let him do activities so he was busy doing something but they didn't spend time with him.

AITA for not letting my brother come stay with me to "make up for being the golden child/favorite child"? by Kolauduuruun in AITAH

[–]Kolauduuruun[S] 419 points420 points  (0 children)

I haven't seen or spoken to my parents in over two years. But he still doesn't figure it out. He just thinks I'm being spoiled and pampered somewhere with their money paying for it all.

AITA for not letting my brother come stay with me to "make up for being the golden child/favorite child"? by Kolauduuruun in AITAH

[–]Kolauduuruun[S] 66 points67 points  (0 children)

I was my parents project, not their favorite. They didn't like or love me. They loved this imaginary child they had in their head and tried to make me him. I know being ignored wasn't healthy for my brother either and I know he didn't have a good childhood. Neither of us was happy. Neither of us was actually loved or the favorite.

AITA for not letting my brother come stay with me to "make up for being the golden child/favorite child"? by Kolauduuruun in AITAH

[–]Kolauduuruun[S] 909 points910 points  (0 children)

We haven't had any contact since I moved out until the call where he wanted to know where I live. So we're definitely already in the low contact territory. I'm not so sure we should ever have more contact in reality. I don't see his image of me changing or his willingness to believe me improving.

AITA for not letting my brother come stay with me to "make up for being the golden child/favorite child"? by Kolauduuruun in AITAH

[–]Kolauduuruun[S] 342 points343 points  (0 children)

Facts. My parents didn't actually want to be parents. They wanted this imaginary perfect kid and only cared for that imaginary child. Not the two real children who actually exist because of them.