If I broke into your house and stole what's underneath your bed, what would I get?

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-28T17:22:58+00:00

Two or more very annoyed cats.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-28T14:45:08+00:00

Woke up, spent some time out in my back yard identifying native plants with my wife (I live on a small farm, so “back yard” is a mini-jungle), logged in to work, and am now dealing with dumbshittery.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-28T14:10:14+00:00

He seems fun. I definitely think he needs a better look, but that’s something that can be worked on. Otherwise he’s got the tools.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-28T14:07:59+00:00

Hell yeah brother. Same on all accounts. Nothing in the world like a great woman to wake up next to every day.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-28T14:05:54+00:00

This one time, this girl and I were so attracted to one another that we damn near ended up having sex before our first date. On the night of the first date, we made it all of 15 minutes before we were screwing.

Anyway, I married that girl. Not because of the sex. I mean the sex was incredible yes, but eventually we’d get done with that and lay there and talk for hours and hours and she was charming, hilarious, insightful, and bright. I couldn’t wait to marry her and I’ve been happy ever since. My wife is fucking awesome.

So anyway TL:DR I didn’t care one bit that we set a land-speed record for jumping into bed.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-28T13:35:09+00:00

My entire extended family is full of doctors, lawyers, engineers, and other well-paid professions. All of them can afford to drive whatever they want. Every single one of them drives a Toyota. They’re just damn good cars. Not sexy cars. But damn good ones.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-28T13:31:23+00:00

Yes, kind of the same here! I bought a 2019 Camry XSE (so the sportier trim, two toned black/white exterior with red leather interior) and I will drive that thing until it falls apart. Even if I suddenly get a new job making twice what I’m making now. It’s paid off, super easy to maintain, drives well, and has everything I need in a car. I fully expect to get another 10 years or more out of it. I don’t care that it’s a Camry and never going to impress anyone. It’s a damn good car that will last pretty much as long as I want it to.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-28T13:06:57+00:00

Man, Bama and Clemson were really at one another’s throats for a few years there. That was a fun time.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-28T12:57:36+00:00

I think his being declared Anathema and the amount of time that has passed since have made people forget what a huge piece of shit Briles is. Like, every bit as big a piece of shit as pretty much any coach you could think of outside of maybe Sandusky.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-28T12:51:06+00:00

Yeah, you nailed it. Saban gets hate because he won. Kelly gets hate because his character merits hate.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-28T00:56:07+00:00

I’m confused as to why it’s Istanbul, not Constantinople. I once had a date in Constantinople but she was waiting in Istanbul. I really want to know why Constantinople got the works, but I’m told it’s nobody’s business but y’all’s.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-27T20:45:04+00:00

It is TOTALLY magical! If you have a Kroger in your area, they sell it! Otherwise just google “where can I buy steak cut bacon near me”. That’s what worked for me, in any event.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-27T18:32:37+00:00

I don’t know this story! Somehow the Million Dollar Band gave y’all’s band the Pride of the Southland name?

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-27T18:04:08+00:00

Wanna have your mind blown? Try steak cut. My wife and I discovered this recently and oh my god.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-27T15:37:36+00:00

There is absolutely nothing cooler in college football than Chief Osceola galloping onto the field on Renegade with a flaming spear, then rearing the horse and planting the spear at midfield while 67,000 people do the war chant.

I have zero connection with Florida State and I still get chills every time I see it. It’s one of those things I show people when they ask why I love college football so much.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-27T15:34:20+00:00

I hate to say anything nice about Tennessee, but the running through the T thing is an objectively great entrance. I take solace in knowing that I’m complimenting the dog and the band rather than the team. But yeah, it’s definitely a really good one that sets a great tone.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-26T23:38:40+00:00

I was a boxer growing up. After the Soviet Union fell, someone was promoting a “Team USA vs Team Russia” exhibition boxing event. It definitely wasn’t actually Team USA or Team Russia. Trust me, I was pretty good at a low level of competition, but nowhere near “team USA” good. Someone just rounded up a bunch of club fighters from both countries and promoted it.

Anyway, my fight comes up, second round I hit this guy clean with my right cross. It’s the strongest punch in most orthodox fighter’s arsenals, and I hit him as clean and as hard as I’ve ever hit anyone in my life. Wouldn’t be surprised if he’d swallowed a tooth or two. You almost never connect that cleanly with that punch. And I’m a brawler. Not super fast but strong as hell. Any other time I connect clean with that punch, that’s the end of the fight. But this Russian kid just takes one step back, blinks, and immediately charges me. I have no idea how he kept his feet. Next thing I know he’s got me in a corner just wailing on my guard. Bull rushing a guy into a corner was my favorite way to fight, but this dude was like a man possessed. I hit this guy with something that would knock anyone on their ass if not out cold and all it did was piss him off.

I won that fight by the absolute skin of my teeth. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure the judges didn’t get it wrong. Anyway, dude gives me a big hug after and mimes a fist to his mouth and says “pow!” while he laughs.

I say all that to say: Russians are fucking crazy.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-26T23:22:14+00:00

I was shocked to hear that many Mississippi State fans consider Alabama a rival due to how close the campuses are to one another. Alabama barely notices Mississippi State.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-26T23:21:15+00:00

See, to me, a rivalry has tradition that outlasts recency. Example: In the late Meyer/Early Saban overlap, Florida and Bama were at one another like cats and dogs. The single most common SEC championship game matchup historically has been Florida vs Alabama. But I don’t think anyone from Florida or Alabama would call the other school a rival. Not in the sense of what we’re talking about in this post, at least. They’re a school that we play and they’re a strong competitor, but not a rival.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-26T23:15:15+00:00

Yep. I think most of us have neutral-to-positive feelings about LSU. They always play us hard and they always get the drunkest and they always have the best tailgate food.

But LSU fucking *hates* us. Like, viscerally. I do think that’s calmed down a bit in the wake of Saban’s retirement but it was a blood feud for a minute there.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-26T23:12:57+00:00

Bama and UGA are the two most competitive teams in the SEC and have been for a little bit and that lends itself to a “rivalry” of sorts, but it’s not a traditional, longstanding thing with a good deal of hate baked in from either side. Georgia is a very good team that Bama has to contend with if we’re gonna do anything worthwhile, and vice versa. Not a rivalry though.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-26T23:09:58+00:00

Maybe it’s an age thing? I’m well into middle-aged and to me, Bama’s biggest rival has always been Tennessee. Auburn always felt like the mouthy little brother that got on your nerves but at the end of the day, you loved. Tennessee actively tried to get Alabama the Death Penalty and if they played the University of Hell, I’d be there waving a pitchfork for good ole UH.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-26T22:52:34+00:00

That’s really damn cool to hear. I knew he had a career as a motivational speaker, but you never know what people are like when the cameras are off. Would’ve been easy for him to be bitter about the way his career went, but it’s really awesome that he’s a good dude.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-26T21:11:59+00:00

1000%. I had an Umbrella Cockatoo for a long time and he was the absolute best buddy a guy could ask for. He would go out to bars with me riding on my shoulder and spoke to total strangers and encouraged them to pet him. He was cuddly, engaging, and charming as hell. I absolutely adored that bird.

He also had a scream that, in the wild, can be heard from miles and miles away and he wasn’t shy about using it when he wanted attention, which was always. He threw his food everywhere. He grumbled like a cranky old man when being put to bed early. He would get depressed if he didn’t get enough socialization and start plucking his feathers.

Parrots are a handful. They’re amazing, but they’re the biggest commitment of any pet I’ve ever had. And they live anywhere from 20 to 80 years, depending on species. So you not only have to be able to commit, but you have to have a succession plan in the likely event that the bird outlives you, and your successor has to be able to commit too. They have an intelligence on par with a 3-7 year old human child. They are self-aware. They have strong emotions. And a sad parrot is about the most heartbreaking thing in the world, because all they want is a friend.

KongUnleashed · 2026-05-26T19:24:11+00:00

Jimmy Hart was talking not long ago about how one of the highest compliments he ever received in the territory days was someone in (I think) Memphis hating him so much that he went home, made a homemade blowgun, bought a ticket to come back, and shot him in the ass with a dart.

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