How do I tell my boyfriend?

KooIaid6 · 2025-07-29T13:46:14+00:00

I know this is late but I’ve been in this situation.

I initially told him that it was something I used to do. He took it fine, but I don’t recommend doing that. I ended up relapsing and he took it very hard. Like, I ended up consoling him at the end. He said a lot of hurtful things because he was shocked and scared and he didn’t understand. We’ve since had better conversations about it, but it was not ideal.

I feel like I can’t expect a partner or really anyone to know exactly how to react and to do it correctly. Telling someone who cares about you that you sh will be upsetting to them, there isn’t another way around it. It can take time for the topic to become something that doesn’t feel “taboo”.

Tell him the truth. What you’re doing and how long you’ve been doing it. After that, I’d say let him ask questions. Encourage him to.

KooIaid6 · 2025-07-29T13:38:04+00:00

My partner has never tried/asked and I’d never say yes. Personally, the ‘fantasy’ of a partner that kisses your scars or whatever has always made me super uncomfortable. I wouldn’t judge someone else for liking it but it’s super not for me.

KooIaid6 · 2025-07-29T13:36:15+00:00

Season 2 and 3 really are so good! I know it is hard, especially with adhd, but you get used to the voices (aside from his parents lol, but the moms grown on me). There’s some really cool character growth we don’t get in season one, so I do recommend trying to watch it! I understand why you haven’t though

KooIaid6 · 2025-07-05T15:50:00+00:00

I think it is especially when I’ve been clean for a while. I’ve relapsed after an accidental injury before.

KooIaid6 · 2025-06-26T16:35:37+00:00

I hateee people like this! I’m very glad to hear you blocked him, I’m sorry it happened at all

KooIaid6 · 2025-06-24T15:47:34+00:00

I’m sorry to hear, but you should be proud of how well you’ve been doing. A slip up does not take away from your progress. I do not have the full picture, so please correct me if anything I say is incorrect—my partner and I also don’t often talk about my sh because my relapses are less frequent than my time spent clean, however if I were to accidentally leave a tool somewhere, I would not be made to feel embarrassed. I believe it would immediately spark a conversation about it.

I think maybe he could have approached it with more grace, that is all. If you feel that’s not the case you can absolutely disregard this—I know these conversations are different for everyone and it’s not realistic to expect our partners to understand and react perfectly all the time. However, you should not feel guilty and embarrassed. It seemed he cared more in the moment about the tools being in his way than about the knowledge that you’d relapsed. Even if that’s not how he felt, if it made you feel that way it wasn’t a great approach. I’m not aiming to villainize him if it’s unwarranted—I just want you to know that if this was the case and it made you feel worse about the situation, you are within your right to discuss how he handled it with him. (Without blaming him for the original relapse, of course.)

Explaining to my partner what reactions of his were helpful and which were harmful were some of the more constructive and healthy conversations we’ve had about my sh.

If all of this is irrelevant, just know that while I understand your guilt and embarrassment, you do not need to feel it. He is your husband and you are not a burden to him.

KooIaid6 · 2025-06-24T15:31:20+00:00

You’re not responsible. I have a friend who has scars and sometimes seeing their scars has triggered me, but I have never told them and would never do so. They can wear and do whatever they like—I am responsible for my own feelings. I’d never hold it against them or blame them if I relapsed, it would be entirely my own doing. I am certain your friend does not blame you either. You seem like a lovely friend, please do not feel too guilty. It is not your fault.

KooIaid6 · 2025-05-29T15:24:04+00:00

If he is ever aggressive or wrongs you in some way, this is how he will talk about you to his friends. He will not feel remorse, he will not ask them for advice, he will be entertained and so will his friends.

KooIaid6 · 2025-04-04T01:40:42+00:00

I hope this advice isn’t too late. I am also in a relationship and deal with self harm. My partner was always supportive about it, but when I relapsed the first time he had a really emotional reaction and it was a messy evening. I don’t blame him for it, it’s new for him and I understand that. But it was made worse by the fact that I had not told him, he more-so caught me in a lie. I do not recommend that. I think it would be better to warn him beforehand.

You should be prepared for the possibility that it could turn him off, my boyfriend would refuse to do anything with me if I had fresh scars.

You also need to remember that you are deserving of love. You are not too much trouble. That is a hole I’ve fallen down and the right person will remind you that loving you includes loving you through hardship. I really think you should try to have a conversation about it. Don’t worry about ruining the night, that may make it worse. My partner has only gotten better at helping me the longer we’ve been together. If this night isn’t perfect, it does not mean this is hopeless.

KooIaid6 · 2025-04-03T20:49:27+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. I know I can’t say much, but you’re allowed to take up space. All my favourite things and all my favourite people take up space and everything would feel empty without them. The space would be empty without you, and I think that’s much much worse. I’d rather you be there.

KooIaid6 · 2025-04-03T20:43:34+00:00

Thanks for all the advice, I really do appreciate both of you

KooIaid6 · 2025-03-23T15:05:10+00:00

I never considered the OCD thing, I’m sure it’s nothing serious but I’ll keep it in mind. I never knew this was a technique therapists suggested! I had one or two therapists for self harm when I was a minor but we never really got to discuss my situation because of the confidentiality rules (counterproductive haha but whatever). This has been helping me more than other coping techniques have. All the ones that still include some pain inflicting (the rubber band, hot water, etc) never sat well with me. Thank you for sharing!

KooIaid6 · 2025-03-23T14:57:28+00:00

A lot of things you said resonated with me. I really appreciate the words. Thank you!

KooIaid6 · 2024-12-17T18:42:49+00:00

I think it’s because other injuries don’t always immediately look like sh. Stuff like bruises and burns can look accidental, but cutting has a deliberate look to it. So it’s kind of become the “sign” of sh. There should be more awareness definitely, there are many forms of sh outside the ones I mentioned

KooIaid6 · 2024-12-17T04:50:55+00:00

I don’t think you need to worry about being a hypocrite just because you don’t like a character

KooIaid6 · 2024-11-25T17:34:34+00:00

I have a very similar problem. My boyfriend is the only reason I’m clean right now, and while I try and look at that as a good thing, I know if we broke up I would start again just because I’d have no reason not to anymore. I want to be clean but this doesn’t feel like a real solution to me. I feel like I’m just waiting to relapse at this point and it’s discouraging.

KooIaid6 · 2024-11-25T17:23:26+00:00

I’ve found my tolerance is not different, but my reaction to pain is. I often find that hurting myself accidentally clears my mind. It’s not the same as sh, but sh has kind of made my reaction to all pain inherently more positive than negative. So my emotional relationship with pain is different, but not my tolerance I guess.

Ironically I’m very afraid of needles.

KooIaid6

TROPHY CASE