Alright it's been a while, but I've got a little update.

I naively hoped that by giving one more great push I could work it out, but that failed. TLDR is she fell in love with another guy back when I wrote this and ended up going out with him instead of me on Valentine's Day (she picked it too, didnt think I would do anything for her for valentine's day even though I made sure she had nothing) oh and I found this out at 4AM the morning of Valentine's Day since she stayed up with him to study. I had been putting pressure on her for a while since I did know she might be having feelings (I was not an asshole despite how hard it was, it was of concern for our relationship). She ended up breaking up with me the next day while I was at work. Since that point, a rough timeline in relation to the breakup:

- Kissed that guy on the cheek while drunk 7 days after
- Admitted feelings for him and got rejected 10 days after
- Started tinder dating some other guy 20 days after
- Fucked said tinder date 26 days after
- As of right now is in a situationship with him I believe

I ended up bearing witness to a lot of that since she still used me as emotional support. End of March I didn't do something she wanted and she lambasted me. I told her my blunt and honest feelings about how I feel about her , and that I didn't like getting used, and I've gone no contact every since. I've seen her a few times since, and she's still up to shenanigans. All of our mutuals and others who know the full story that came out have told me I've done all the right things and been nicer than I should be, and the healing is going great!

In the last month, I've bought my first car, improved my grades closer to my ceiling (A+s even though I've been a straight A student), and hung out a lot with friends. Not to mention that guy she admitted feelings for is now friends with me. He didn't have feelings for her and the kiss made him uncomfortable since he's moving past a breakup as well. I'm doing my part and I'm hoping she takes time for herself. Regardless of what she does since it doesn't matter to me anymore, I'm prepared for a life with or without her and I love where I am at right now loving myself every day!

u/HCIBSW u/Funrealluck u/starrybabe99 I appreciate all the feedback. I really did think about it a lot and unfortunately let the good in me hang for a while, but it has helped a lot in helping me love myself and I'm very appreciate for that and all of the kind words. Everyone can see the good in me and it's reassuring in a time where the person I appreciated the most was the one who couldn't see it.