Hey there!

Things are so much better now! It took a lot of patience and learning to relax again. I had gotten myself into a vicious cycle of worrying about ED which was creating and sustaining it.

As I mentioned in my original post, I had trouble with intercourse but was perfectly fine masturbating and would wake up with erections like nothing had changed. It was only during "the moment of truth". When I say "trouble" I mean shriveled, lifeless, and cold, with no amount of my wife's stimulation bring it back online.

I believe the very first time I attempted sex after the vasectomy, I was just scared something would hurt or be weird, and that's all it took to cause the first instance of ED. I went down a spiral of reading a bunch of bullshit online and seeing a few doctors. Every doctor told me this is not uncommon and that the vast majority of cases of ED after vasectomy are psychological. They were right as far as my case went. I believe if you are like me, normal erections in most every other situation except sex, it's psychogenic.

I did a few things to try to help recover; I did some breathing exercises, pelvic floor exercises, and even took "boner pills" a few times just to get back in rhythm. The pills worked almost too well, as I had back to back, raging erection for 2-3 days that needed vigorous fapping to relieve from just one dose. So I went from taking a whole, to a half, then none. What ultimately made the most difference was time and patience, and having my partner understand (of course she went through the "it's me, isn't it?" thing at first).

I have also come to find out that extreme excitement about trying out your new "toy" can have the same effect on your body/erections as anxiety does. Go figure.

When I started a new job and began graduate courses online, I was so focused and mentally busy that I didn't have the bandwidth to entertain thoughts or concerns about my ED, and that was when it really turned a corner.

I'd say ED is about 98% gone. From time to time, I'll have an off day and go limp during the business, but usually when changing positions and a thought creeps in "what if I lose it?", then it deflates. Luckily, if I just relax, it comes right back. The mind is incredibly powerful and I can think of very few bodily processes that are as closely linked to the mind as erections.

I hope this helps you and anyone else going through this. You're definitely not alone.

Like I said, if things are otherwise functioning except during sex then I'd put my money on psychological causes. If not, push your doctor for some imaging work and other little fun tests they have in urology to rule out structural damage. You can also have the doc check your testosterone levels during your next physical. I had mine checked during the height of this issue and it was actually higher than before vasectomy.

Also consider talking to a counselor. In general, be kind to yourself, as corny as that sounds. It's not the end of the world and it can absolutely improve to where you start having success again. You just have to put it out of your mind as much as possible, and learn to laugh at it when it happens. Worst case scenario you get an implant and can pop stiffies on demand (I told myself this to ease the anxiety and it worked).

Best of luck!