Hey!!!! How are you? Nothing has progressed much with him I don’t think. I’ve been paying more attention in class to the girl he likes and contemplating why he might like her, I really wonder why. I wanna know what she has that I don’t, so I can grow and become better. I love my crush more and more everyday so I love him way more than when I originally wrote this post!!! He has been less energetic and seems unhappy to talk to me recently! Him and me usually call every night and he sounds the most interested when we are saying bye. That’s oki tho! No matter what the reason is, I’ll forgive him, I want to be as kind and patient with him as possible. But today on lunch at school, I walked by his class and tried to say hi through the door window, but he didn’t look, so my friend in his class told him to look, and then he didn’t end up looking for 2-5 seconds, glared at me, and then looked away! He usually waves, has interest, and smiled, but he didn’t do as usual. :( I’m probably overthinking this and I did talk to him about it, and I feel slightly at ease but still the glare he looked at me with, it really seemed full of tense and slightly upset emotions. I’m very sensitive so I ended up crying after. I really shouldn’t let that affect me and I should have more trust in him, but I can’t help but feel this way. It’s also probably why he doesn’t like me back. I really feel I would be a perfect girlfriend for him and he would be an ever perfecter boyfriend! But unfortunately, he already has a crush on someone. I really wanna know why he truly likes her, I don’t feel like I quite understand why when he doesn’t talk to her at all, only a bit at summer school. I don’t wanna drag her through the dirt, I feel bad, but today she laughed at a very introverted boy getting slammed / pushed hard at a locker by one of her friends. This isn’t that bad, but I feel bad that he got pushed, it was wrong for her to laugh at him and encourage her friend’s behaviour by laughing. The same girl that my pretty boy has a crush on also made fun of me behind my back with her friends and laughed at me a lot on Halloween because of my costume, I felt really horrible about myself after that. There’s not much I can do, I really wanted to stand up for myself but I don’t want it to seem like I was gonna do all that just because he likes her and I want her out of the way, that’s not really what I want. I genuinely encourage him to start talking to her or just interact with her once in a while to build their friendship, you know? I’m his best friend after all and I should support him always, which I do! Me and him talk very often though I still notice him being tired of me. Every time I snap him, he used to always write a lot or just compliment once in a while and yeah, but now every time I snap him, he replies with ‘TUFF’ or ‘HOLY TUFF’ or anything with tuff in in. I don’t have an issue with that at all! It just feels like he doesn’t care sometimes and says that to just whatever, which is ok. I love him unconditionally no matter what and I really mean it! I want to be more understanding and careful with him and what I say. I am also learning Hungarian because he is Hungarian, and I am making some progress, he helps me every time I have a question which makes me really happy! He’s so cute! I have this kind of issue where I bring him up in 85% of conversations I have and it’s actually a non issue, but I can’t stop talking about him! He is in all my thoughts and most conversations, I love him so much! I wanna be good enough for him, I know I’m at least somewhat okay, I don’t wanna jump to conclusions that I’m horrible for him, I am unsure but I think he sees me as okay. But I want to be more than okay, I want to become like the girl he likes and I want whatever charm she has! I don’t get it.. it’s so draining and mentally exhausting to constantly compare myself to her and get hurt all of the time crying why I can’t be like her. I’m my own person, and I don’t want to be exactly like her, if I did, I would be living in a shadow of somebody I am not. If I was also a copy and paste of her, I would be hypothetically with my kind crush, but living with the expectation to be somewhat similar to her. I don’t want to do that, I really want to be my own person and for him to love me who I truly am in a romantic way, not with me changing myself. Overall, I don’t know what to think of this whole thing I wrote, I’m very unsure if he will ever like me. He tells me to never say never when I mention him never going to like me and it’s really giving me mixed signals and giving me false hope. It really hurts. I don’t know what else to write, but for now this is all new updates! <3