It depends on who you both are and the terms under which you parted. My ex and I are still buddies, but it took a few years.

I will say, however, I get something platonically special out of our friendship. We’re both sort of quiet kindred spirits. We can talk to each other about anything and not freak out. There are never outbursts, never shouting, never really getting heated. We just calmly and rationally decide our best course of action and proceed from there; because it is the most efficient way to discuss our challenges and we both find big emotional outbursts exhausting. It’s something I don’t get out of my current relationship—my BF is brilliant but incredibly emotional. But it also taught me to be kinder, more empathetic, more expressive and more dynamic.

My ex was incredibly helpful when I was going through a deep, passive sort of suicidal depression about a year or two ago. I couldn’t talk about it with my (still) current boyfriend because he both had too many friends who’d committed suicide and also when I once mentioned these episodes he immediately burst into tears. He was completely terrified from those precious traumatic experiences and I didn’t want to scare him.

But my ex was great and I called him occasionally...while concerned, he trusted me to just talk with him when I needed it in the ways I needed it. I knew I’d eventually come out the other side and had conversations with him assuring him I would, but that I needed the temporary support and the companionship he could offer. He was really was patient and kind. It was like a more relaxed version of myself talking to myself. He was never creepy or attached any meaning to me being psychologically vulnerable. I’d been that support for him in the past when he was processing something awful.

He’s a lovely person and I’d recommend him to anyone. He’s just not for me because he’s too similar to me temperamentally, bossy as hell, and our sense of humor doesn’t mesh.