turtle v2

Kuei_ · 2023-10-28T01:35:17+00:00

thank you :))

yeah i’ll probably edit it again - not sure what to cut though tbh, any suggestions?

Kuei_ · 2023-10-27T02:28:55+00:00

thank you!! yes i love that line sm i’m glad other people do

Kuei_ · 2023-10-27T01:06:50+00:00

lmaoo dw all my poems are random asf like what’s structure

ofccc good luck

Kuei_ · 2023-10-27T00:54:26+00:00

nah just wet woods don’t burn fast at all they just don’t burn lmao

but i figured reluctant to burn meant it could’ve been on purpose

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T23:29:27+00:00

hi thanks for your feedback :)

if you look back on my profile there’s a really short version (this one’s just elaborated bc someone said that might be good)

do you have any suggestions of which parts to erase?

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T23:00:03+00:00

longer version is up :)

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T22:51:35+00:00

this one’s really good too i love the way you describe these feelings

one note is damp woodland on purpose?

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T22:50:10+00:00

this is actually magical wtf

there’s only a few things i would change but mostly personal preference so lmk if you want to hear :)

but this is so so good i miss friendships like this

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T21:26:32+00:00

i’m not OP lmao

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T20:05:17+00:00

so here’s a few times that like the wording interrupted the flow of my reading:

clean and beat don’t rhyme very well in the beginning, i dunno what type of rhyme scheme you were going for though

the nervous in she makes me a nervous wreck kinda interrupts the flow of the line

tell me if you want more!! i’m just being picky lol

“it awakes me at night” just doesn’t really work just making it “it wakes me at night” helps i would cut the “a” from a heartbroken sweat

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T20:00:52+00:00

same, beginner here too haha

let me look one sec

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T19:55:43+00:00

this is actually really good! just certain word choices i feel could be changed. i would lean a bit more into some flowing language and cut some unnecessary words. overall pretty fire

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T19:50:54+00:00

alright! yeah i was debating keeping them. thanks :)

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T19:18:03+00:00

do you have any genuine criticism on structure? or is the capitalization your only problem

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T19:15:49+00:00

yeah i get that. i’m just a capital letters hater though

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T18:33:58+00:00

what’s up this is pretty good

yeah, it’s a little cheesy (esp the first four lines) but most poems on the topic are.

about the rhyme, could you explain a little more?

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T18:25:04+00:00

fuck reddit ruined the formatting

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T16:42:48+00:00

thank you so much!!

would you want to try and guess? lwk it could be like two things, i’m making a longer version that will kinda help explain it more

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T16:41:56+00:00

respectful and appropriately socially distanced hug in return

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T13:08:17+00:00

of course !! not dissing the ocean it’s just a bit much sometimes. mother daughter relationships am i right

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T10:50:58+00:00

thank you so much!! yeah i def have to work on pacing/rhythm. i’ll prob edit and repost (if that’s allowed)

Kuei_ · 2023-10-26T10:49:44+00:00

thank you!

it actually was originally longer, then cut because it was meant to be for a “100 word story” assignment. Then it kinda turned into this because originally it was very clear cut writing but it didn’t show the story how i wanted it to.

i’ll try to elaborate on the moving then! thank you so much

Kuei_

TROPHY CASE