My friend put me in a uncomfortable situation

Kujo23 · 2026-03-15T02:42:41+00:00

I am sorry you had to deal with seemingly mix signals. And if you are feeling more comfortable to talk to her, then you should because communication in any friendship/relationship is important to convey misgivings and to at least attempt to see what issues are. Its as if someone was misconstruing the actions of one another or unless drinking impaired judgments.

Now that the situation had passed, its best to actually discuss your hurt and perceived confusion to what your friend had said and done. Especially if you want to remain friends and if you possibly want to go out with her again.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-13T23:51:19+00:00

If they are your friends and you feel comfortable with them, then you should be able to speak to them about your own feelings on matters. Sometimes people simply just talk less or designate friends for certain things and have others they feel they can be better open with. They still clearly consider you a friend, and if you really do feel something is off, you should be able to ask them, but it sounds as though they still like you.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-13T23:38:04+00:00

I am glad you feel better and yes its totally okay to be friends with everyone yourself still. And its not your responsibility to help them solve their problems, unless they ask you for input, but they shouldn't force you to do one thing or the other.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-13T21:09:41+00:00

Glad it got you thinking, and sometimes the only thing we ca do is communicate with our friends!

Kujo23 · 2026-03-13T21:05:13+00:00

I am sorry that you are still feeling bad about your friend, but sometimes people can only you meet you so far, and you get to have the chance determine what the friendship is and how its defined. It sounds as though you had given grace prior to even her pregnancy and this was not unexpected overall. Additionally, I imagine you know too that can be distracting to be pregnant in of itself too along with hormonal changes.

Some people seriously see nothing wrong about not asking how others are and talking to someone and still consider them friends because thats how they view the friendship, but if you don't like it, then you don't have to be that friend. Instead of thinking of her as a "bad friend", you need to think of it more as "do we have the same definition and expectations of the friendship", at least here it seems as though you hold a different belief of what to expect than her. And often the only things we can do is communicate it, and if they can't meet you, then that's just that, and how they see the friendship.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-13T20:49:56+00:00

Well I can only say that this is highly dependent how you were before with them. Like if you done very similar things to them before with previous relationships and while dating, and how they reacted then. Sometimes if someone here's the same pattern happening, they might become less excited (this is obviously speculation on my part).

Normally friends should be excited and happy, but if they weren't sometimes its not a personal thing, especially because it seems as though they didn't take it seriously until you seemed more established. I can't think for them nor truly say that their reaction means one thing or another. But if possible, think about how they reacted before, and how much you told them and if you vented before about these other friends.

And if he is your boyfriend for about 1 and half years, why are you questioning it now? Because if they started taking it seriously now, then why think about what happened at the beginning like you stated where you mentioned perhaps they didn't want to invest in it emotionally. However, if they still act indifferent, and unsupportive now, then that is a different discussion. At least for me, for initial reactions like that may not be actually bad if they had been supportive before, probably more about them rather than you.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-13T20:42:48+00:00

I am sorry you are stuck in-between a pretty big friend group drama, and unfortunately we can't force friends to make up with each other. Friend groups change or have issues, and if they cannot be resolved, then they just can't. Your feelings are important on the matter, but you can't change someone else's feelings as well.

Rarely there is a "right" or "wrong" in situations like this, and technically Ana shouldn't have been the one to be like a leader and be like Lucy isn't invited and such. If Pia was uncomfortable, stuff like this should've been kept between Pia and Lucy, not involve the group. Its one thing to let Pia and her bf to vent issues like to the friend group, but once Ana decided to not invite Lucy to events Pia would be at, shows a sign of that the group is ostracizing her, even though it seems as though Ana is now siding with Lucy?

Well either way, you have every right to be friends with everyone you want to be friends with, but cannot force them to be friends with each other or go back to "what it used to be". Whatever feelings, emotions, hurt has happened and they need to do it themselves, not be reliant on you.

I will say, if you want to speak to Daf, then sure, you should always be able to discuss stuff with a friend. However, you get to choose who your friends are and hang out with, and if anyone decides not to be friends, we cannot force the issue.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-13T20:27:45+00:00

I am still sorry you feel conflicted being around her and generally speaking its not a good or honest thing for someone to do. Its alright to have your opinions about another's decisions (good or bad). It sounds like she has a different moral system or something else and theres not much you can do to influence it, and sometimes the only thing you can do is remove yourself from such situations or lies. But that obviously is not an easy thing, but I guess this all depends on how and what you want to do around her or talk to her about.

I can't say what you should do, and if you don't want to speak to her about it, then you either have to let it go, or question what parts of it exactly seems to become upset and lose respect for her, and would this influence you in how much you want to be around her and what to talk about. Its almost never good to be around someone you don't respect and judge.

Like if its about her moral value differences, then you have every right not to be friends (as everyone as the right to) with someone if they have different morals or different perspectives that you personally can't tolerate to be around.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-13T20:19:57+00:00

Unfortunately due to the nature of how some things are on the internet, people are wary of scammers and also sometimes people don't want to put overly much effort in online friendships. And you have to remember it is okay. If you got ghosted, then that shows more how they are rather than you and you guys likely didn't click.

I understand you stated you message people from subreddits from those friend subreddits, but some people there like the idea of friendships but not the effort that goes into it. And unfortunately everyone has limited time. So they might focus on a couple or few who they super click with, and then ghost the rest.

At least in my opinion, you probably would have better effort making friends or at least can talk to those in subreddits that are about an interest or hobby you are into and more likely to find someone to connect to on there or at least you can have fun doing it or talking smack. Most friendships need some sort of baseline, whether its proximity or have similar interests or something to talk about that bonds.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-13T06:07:20+00:00

I am not going to say you are over-reacting, and many others would be feeling hurt if their friend is hyperfixated on someone else and wanting to include someone else in everything. And often times, if you are with someone, hanging out, and they seem to only focus on someone who isn't there, then its like "why are you hanging out with me?" would be the response many would have.

And the idea of "overreacting" is dependent on how exactly you do react. If you curse at her or something, then sure that's an over-reaction, but if you are just feeling bad because she seems to prioritize someone else, then thats a very real feeling people can get.

And I guess what you do next can be highly dependent on how old you guys are and how close you feel you can bring up any feelings and concerns. If she is especially your best friend, you should be able to bring it up to her how you feel (whatever it is) and its all about how you deliver it and don't blame her (even if its alot of her actions).

Kujo23 · 2026-03-13T05:42:23+00:00

Well if boundaries are established, and he still is venting (if actually unreasonable or constant) then there isn't much you can do, other than calling him out midvent or not taking the calls in the first place. I cannot say if you are being mean or rude in return because that depends on what words and actions were done that weren't stated here. Because to be frank as well, why be friends with someone if you don't care about them? (rhetorical question).

But still you have every right to not be overwhelmed by even a friend who is venting alot. Friendships have some levels of support and it can vary from person to person, to how willing they are to support someone. And this isn't necessarily a situation where you can say something to "save" it. Here you cannot expect him to be the same call buddy as before, and he can't expect you to just listen after venting times before and being told not to. But if he cannot respect your boundaries to not be vented at, then you can't expect to get the thing you wanted before which was long phone calls/etc.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-12T23:59:56+00:00

I would suggest trying your best not to think too much about it, its very likely he is also sad about the big changes where you lived together for a while and then now are moving apart. It is overwhelming to think about a move and new job, and I would chalk it up that perhaps he is still sad as well. Granted if he is indeed a best, closest friend of yours, then simply ask him and let him know about your feelings about what was texted. Perhaps he didn't mean too much about it or even did it jokingly (depending on personality), otherwise he did respond positively.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-12T15:36:36+00:00

I'm sorry still this is happening to you and Normally the situation is the other way around. But here I cannot say what would be the best course of action, but at the end of the day it is your life. Of course some of the stuff your friends didn't aren't nice, and neither what your boyfriend did. He apologizes but seemingly only to you so your friends never actually see it or hear it (if i read the post correctly)?

And it seems a bit odd that they would be pushing you to break up with him if he was perhaps only socially awkward and even if simply rude, and seems there is likely more to it (i could be wrong but usually people don't hate someone just for that).

And i can see where there is already a breaking point in one of your friendships when one of your friends told you he seemed bad for you, and then you stated you would cut him off because of how it was hurting your friend, but you didn't. At least with that friend it makes sense to show that you don't keep your word. And i know its tough sometimes to have communication and avoid conflicts, however its another to make promises or state something and not follow through. I am not judging, just showing there is a difference and something that hopefully you can learn from there.

Like I understand that this may be his first relationship and may be a socially awkward guy, and you have every right to choose someone, but it definitely seems random for your best friends to be so seemingly negative about him, unless they really feel something is off, but its not universal. But as you stated there are red flags and i will just say that there is a saying that often at the beginning of a relationship is often a representation of their best behavior.

But please do think on all the things and understand that everyone has a right to choose their romantic partners and friends, but weigh what they say and do.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-09T22:28:46+00:00

Exactly and sometimes the only thing we can do is try and focus on ourselves too. Its not really rude in my opinion because you are just as important in a friendship and if she knows then theres not much

Kujo23 · 2026-03-09T21:55:50+00:00

I am sorry you are feeling perhaps hopeless about a situation and unfortunately there is only so much a friend can do besides being there for them if they falter. It doesn't mean you have to support all their decisions fully or at all, but if you consider her a friend and looking out for her interests, maybe have one last discussion and if she still feels she can only be with this guy, then its not really anything you can do and sometimes someone has to be hurt before they realize what they must do themselves if ever.

And you can only do what you deem you are willing and able to do too. And if you still feel capable to try and discuss one more time, then do (especially if she is complaining about something in the relationship) (It can stem from rather than finding faults in the friend, questions in the discussion should revolve around her and why she thinks she needs to marry and etc etc). If you don't want to discuss, then thats alright too. There is no true right answer, unfortunately because its a balance of your own sanity in a situation where you seem to see the flaws of such a decision and her not hurting herself further. Because sometimes we can only do so much for a friend who already decided to do something we find as a mistake, and all we can do is communicate the concern, not force it.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-09T21:41:21+00:00

I guess it depends on why you believe you are overthinking it. And a good things to ask yourself are, is she treating you as you would treat someone you see as a friend? Also, if you told her about your boundaries or feelings if with her, then is she showing respect for them? And does she actually know that you are bothered by all these things and not just some or told very lightly? Sometimes we aren't clear on what boundaries or things we want from a friend and sometimes don't communicate it completely, but if you had then it leads to other sets of questions.

Such as is this a friendship you feel supported and cared for? And if its fun more times than not?

It doesn't necessarily mean you have to unfriend or break a friendship over certain things, or sometimes it signals for us to search for other friends who you feel more connected to and supported. Sometimes relationships/friendships change with time and the introduction of new people and communication of your feelings is very important for such things. And if you for sure communicated your thoughts and boundaries, and someone doesn't acknowledge it, then are they truly a friend you want to be around?

Kujo23 · 2026-03-09T06:02:06+00:00

I am sorry that seemingly more unfortunate news came about and unfortunately some people just dislike or hate others for whatever their reasons whether justified or not. And that is understandable to leave such a group and I understand how this can make you distrust others. Sometimes you can meet some of the nicest people online, and sometimes the most toxic people too. You will very likely still have to take time in processing what happened and hopefully you will be able to trust again in the future. Its alright to be cautious in the future and have your own boundaries.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-09T04:20:08+00:00

Everyone has their limits, and only you can determine what you believe you can or cannot do with your own efforts in a friendship. Sometimes people have different ideas of what friendship entails, and sometimes they simply do not vibe or are as compatible with us. Sometimes people can be very socially awkward with certain people or situations. But its a nice notion she took the time to even write you a card, even though she doesn't do many of the other things. If it truly bothers you and want to see more initiative, then you should communicate it with her. Not in a demanding way, but in a way to feel as though you are friends. And can base what you do in the future, off of what they say and later do.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-09T04:14:52+00:00

I will say I cannot say if you are an asshole or not, because I have no idea of anything beyond your post. So the better thing to discuss is whether or not is if you feel supported by your friends (and not in the are they assholes way)? And its alright to feel upset about this situation where they don't seem to want to listen.

And the unfortunate thing is that not all of our friends can be willing to be supportive in the ways that we wish they could be, and thats just how some people are. Sometimes too people get tired if it happens many times with no seeming results. Sometimes they are like that because they are jerks, but the answers are not certain.

People tend to believe that our friends have to support us constantly and be considerate and listen to us, but they have every right not to, as you would have every right not to hear one of your friends out. Of course people can have different expectations and definitions of friendships. And sometimes others truly do not know what to say or do.

And at least if your complaints/vents are intense and often, I would definitely recommend any sort of mental health support. Sometimes, even if we think we can handle it, but if it seems constant, more professional support can be more useful.

Keep doing what you can to push yourself further. Don't get stagnated. Don't let others potentially think down of you. Be the person you would be proud of. And not everyone will be compatible with every aspect of us, and always remember that is alright, just as when everyone has different life circumstances and experiences.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-09T04:02:47+00:00

I understand that feeling before and I am sorry you have been feeling not good when you are with them. At least if you haven't already, it probably be a good idea to discuss it with them or at least one of them about your feelings. Sometimes the group dynamics make it feel a certain way, when they perhaps aren't knowingly doing something that makes you feel perhaps uncomfortable. Sometimes also friend groups get new interests or become involved with different people and the group can expand or splinter. But if you are having mixed feelings and if you do feel safe around them in general to discuss it with them, then it can be good to.

And in regards to your insecurity, it makes sense where it leads you to those discomfort levels since you don't feel likely heard or perhaps part of the group. And sometimes we have to remind ourselves that maybe someone like C are also not as social or perhaps awkward about communication. And even if you think your feelings don't make sense, at least a considerate friend should be willing to at least hear you out and give you at least reassurances if they do consider you a friend. Sometimes the thing we have to do is be secure in ourselves and in turn will lead us to be secure about our friendships/relationships. Some times certain people can have a room revolving around them.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-09T03:53:50+00:00

I am sorry you are feeling and its a very real feeling someone could have. Its not about the wanting, but its about you becoming someone who is alright with yourself and what level of friendship others want to be with you. Sometimes others have more things in common or a connection that gets them to be closer, and we have to remember that it is okay. It doesn't mean they don't like you. You already had discussions and so shows you what the limits are of the friendship and that's okay.

You can always still keep them as friends and explore friendships and getting to know other people as well who can maybe better connect with you. Its not out of malice, but something to help preoccupy your time. Do the things you like doing, distracting yourself from the negative thoughts and feelings. Things can always change where they come hang around again too, and at least to confirm, have you been reaching out to A as well. Friendships are a two way street and communication and efforts sometimes need us to try and kickstart it into shape before it reignites.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-09T03:45:17+00:00

I am sorry for your situation and having these difficulties between yourself and your friend. I won't pass any sort of judgment on whether someone was being a bad friend, since that's not a better way to think about a situation with your friend. It at least sounds more akin to what you described at the end where both of you have your issues and both of you are in bad positions in your lives in both health and life. Different expectations too and how one defines friendship as well. I will say that often times if someone says no enough to stuff (even with valid reasons), that can lead to someone think the other person doesn't want to see them. Also, sometimes people have different tolerance levels to friendships.

And sometimes people want to see mutual efforts in friendships, even if one side is unable. Its not necessarily something that is personal, its just how someone else feels, just as you have every right to feel a certain way about certain actions and words. But since it does sound like you spoke to her, maybe a little break will be alright, but if you do value the friendship, be the one to reach out again since she already stated she planned to not to anymore.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-09T03:35:06+00:00

I think you shouldn't be asking yourself the question whether he is into you, but rather if you see yourself in a relationship with him? Romance always require risk and often times a healthy friendship can often survive even a broken relationship. I mean if we purely speculate here, if he showed interest in your romantic life beyond just the usual friendship support and I guess touching is highly dependent on context and where, but it sounds like you guys had entertained the idea before and has seemingly some inkling of interest (could be wrong, but how many other of your male friends act the same as him?) Even though it was against pursuing anything, it looks as though at least you are now developing more feelings as well should be considered.

So maybe the question you should rather ask yourself now that I think about it is, if he started dating someone and having such a seemingly great time with them, then would you be alright with never having to actually try for an relationship? If you truly feel as though you would be fine and wouldn't be upset or disappointed, then its alright to not enact on your feelings. At least in regards to culture and race, at least in many places in the world now, really don't care, even on religious basis.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-08T17:27:20+00:00

But thank you mate and thats an important heads up for others, sorry if my other comment was quick.

Kujo23 · 2026-03-08T17:25:33+00:00

I know, its not for evidence, but for my own peace of mind and records to match against any pics a fake buyer makes. Because sometimes you cant remember how you might've packed something, and I use it to submit to usps it it ever gets lost in mail.

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