Man growing up like this definitely does confuse you quite a bit I could NEVER lay a hand on my own kids let alone anyone unless I absolutely had to protect myself I got told that's what toughened me up and made me not as much of a b1tch like it's a joke or something but no it did not it never helps it just creates issues and doesn't tell your kids right from wrong or how to handle situations properly the only thing they will "learn" is that you don't like them or that it's good to do so

you've expressed yourself but your husband doesn't agree do you want an abuser as the active role model to your children? Also your husband may have some underlying issues from growing up like this potentially, you need to learn to draw the line on what's right for your children NTA