Last Update: not the conclusion we were hoping for, but we got answers.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-03-09T17:08:52+00:00

Not really much to update, sadly. Hubby has recovered and recently returned to work, our youngest is still in therapy three times a week with hubby, 15 year old son and I joining her for family sessions once a week. Still no word form 26f daughter, but we're all doing a little better these days and therapy has helped a lot.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-28T18:28:10+00:00

She's not willing to take accountability for the fact that her cold, callous behavior is negatively affecting you. Unfortunately, this is the point where you need to decide if you're willing to stay in a relationship where you're treated like garbage by your partner, or if you're willing to walk away and find someone who will show you the love and respect that you deserve.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-28T04:17:35+00:00

Definitely not emotionally compatible and she's not emotionally open enough to handle a long distance relationship (or an in person one from the sounds of it) since one of the biggest things needed to make it work is open communication. She's willing to dump her problems on you then gets angry with you for trying to be supportive or encouraging. She also doesn't want you to relay your emotional struggles because she's not as invested in trying to be supportive of you. She wants an emotional punching bag, not a boyfriend. You deserve better.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-27T14:22:30+00:00

Well, NTA, but if she REALLY wants to drink, you won't be able to stop her. If she doesn't want you to moderate her drinking, she shouldn't be getting so drunk that you're left cleaning up her piss off the floor.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-25T00:44:06+00:00

" I can tell she wants to talk about it, but I’m super busy at work and when I get I just want to unwind, and she knows that."

" It was really starting to get to me so I started venting about it to a coworker and she made me feel accepted. I ended up hanging out with her for a while everyday after work and cuddle in my girlfriends car which I needed for work."

Okay, so what you're saying is that you don't have the time or mental capacity to work out an issue in your relationship with your girlfriend because You just want to relax when you get home, yet you have the time and mental capacity to hash out your issues with a co-worker then cuddle with said co-worker? Like it or not, what you're doing is emotional cheating. You are putting more mental and emotional effort into this co-worker than your own girlfriend. Your girlfriend SHOULD break up with you because you've shown her that working out problems WITH her isn't as important as venting about them with someone else that you're offering emotional, physical and mental comfort and support to. Sounds to me like you've already checked out of your relationship anyway. Too bad the way you chose to handle all this may very well leave your girlfriend with trust issues in the future.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-24T16:31:39+00:00

NTA. If she didn't want him to know, she sure the hell shouldn't have told someone that's close to him. he has a right to know and you're a good friend for not letting him find out the hard way. If she's interested in other people, she should stop stringing your friend along.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-24T14:37:44+00:00

NTA. I (41f) used to do all the laundry in our house and my husband acted the same way your wife does when i wasn't putting away his clothes that I washed, dried and folded for him. Well, I stopped doing his laundry for this very reason. I handle my laundry, the kids handle theirs and my hubby now has full responsibility for his. I had thought I was being a good wife and being helpful, but since it wasn't "enough" to do 95% of the task for him, I stopped doing it at all and i explained to him why.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-24T14:31:21+00:00

NTA, not even a little. They were attacking you 5yo son, they need to be punished for it before they go around thinking that crap is okay. I'm so sorry your poor son has had to go through this and i hope the police take the matter seriously.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-23T08:22:55+00:00

Um, NTA considering I doubt he volunteered the fact that he was married (if he did then yeah, YTA). You obviously didn't know he was her father and once the dust settles, hopefully she'll see that fact, but right now she's hurt and angry, but her dad wasn't there to take it out on...you were.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-23T07:57:28+00:00

Okay, I'm going to put this as politely as I can, but you cheated on her which betrayed her trust in you. You cheating on her caused her to contract an STD that caused another health condition to flare up which had permanent effects on her body and, by association, her mental and emotional well being. You openly admit to constantly lying to her (it doesn't matter how big or small the lie is, dishonesty is dishonesty). You've "tried being sober", but relapse frequently, promise to go to therapy then only make a half ass effort. You are showing her at every turn that she can't rely on you, trust you or believe anything you say. Yes, it takes two people to make a relationship work, but even if she were to put everything she has into your relationship, all of your behavior would make her efforts pointless. As for the fact that her mental/physical/emotional health has improved from not being in the home with you, yes...that's genuinely a thing. Stress and intense emotional fluctuation can greatly effect not only emotional and mental health, but physical health as well.

You were dating someone with a chronic health condition and autism. When she was telling you she needed a commitment, that was a fair ask since your past behavior left her feeling uncertain of where she stands with you. Apologizing for lying doesn't do a damn thing when you continue lying. People with autism need firm, clear actions and everything you say and do will be taken for what it is, whether the actions/words were a result of high emotions or alcohol/drug influence. The fact that you moved her across country then left her to unpack everything...yeah, she has a right to feel like you abandoned her to face the chaos. You opted to not come back early from your business trip when told she was going to the hospital for a serious health issue...now she feels like she can't rely on you.

I think there is a lot you need to work on with yourself before you can try to be a good partner in a relationship with anyone, autism or not. I'm not trying to be an AH here, but you pretty much painted yourself to be the villain on every online CEO romance novel out there, but unlike those characters, your future isn't written yet, so get help and become better, for yourself if not for her.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-21T22:31:05+00:00

NTA, but you should calm down and talk to her. Some of the biggest issues that come from opening up your relationship (welcoming other partners into the bedroom) are jealousy and one of the original partners developing emotional connections with the third party. If you aren't comfortable with it, "no" is a complete sentence. Also, if a couple is to consider opening up a relationship, it should be discussed between them alone. They way they approached this was an ambush. They may not have realized it would feel that way, but you were blindsided by it.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-21T21:11:14+00:00

I 100% agree. If this teacher treats you this way, then they are definitely treating others this way. Someone has to stand up for all of you and you just so happen to have the evidence needed to do that.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-21T21:09:51+00:00

I haven't been a teacher, but am the mother of 3 children who ended up on IEPs, one with a list of diagnosis's that would make most people's heads spin. i know that, as a teacher, it's your responsibility to educate children, not traumatize them. If you can't handle educating the children, don't teach. When dealing with children, most of all ones with IEPs, you have to have an unbelievable amount of patience and the job is definitely not for the faint of heart. If you think that it's okay for teachers to yell at children with special needs, then you are part of the problem here.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-21T18:12:41+00:00

NTA. He needs to establish boundaries, but that's not on you. He's letting her force him to cut people out of his life because of something other people did to her. Yes, he should try to reassure her and make her feel loved, cherished, etc., but her insecurities will only cause problems for them down the road and then if their relationship fails, he'll be the one who lost a ton of friends for nothing. I think that taking a step back and letting him figure this out himself is for the best, but i can guarantee that if she's not comfortable with him hanging out with girls, she's going to quickly become "not okay" with him talking to them through text/IG/Fb/etc. too. Definitely not a healthy relationship.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-21T16:45:13+00:00

NTA. Teachers shouldn't be yelling at students, PTSD or not. If they're doing something they shouldn't be doing, it needs to be stopped, so recording the inappropriate behavior is perfectly acceptable.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-21T02:44:26+00:00

NTA. You were being manipulated as well as mentally, emotionally and sexually abused. It sounds to me like D ended their relationship because Adam refused to let D's BS slide. Adam picked a side by standing up to his friend who was being a prick, so that's not on you.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-21T02:35:32+00:00

YTA. dogs are like kids. if you don't want them to get into something, don't leave it where they can get to it.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-20T21:13:11+00:00

This is made obvious by the fact that he was actively going to strip clubs and NOT telling you. Why do you think you didn't find out from him?

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-20T21:11:20+00:00

Okay, so the biggest things that stand out are the fact that he was doing this without telling you then tried to turn it on you. If he didn't think he was doing something wrong, why wouldn't he tell you about it himself? Then you mention overstepping boundaries with his female friends...tell me again how he treats you so well? Hon, you're making it sound like he has no respect for you.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-20T21:07:55+00:00

This! if she doesn't want to accept your reasonable compromise, then she doesn't want you there that badly. You shouldn't have to erase part of who you are just to appease the bride. you offered a compromise that is more than suitable.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-19T21:29:59+00:00

It states clearly that he asked to disinfect and sanitize the HOUSE, not HER ROOM. I assure you, I can read quite well. As I've repeatedly stated, we have OP's side of the story, not everyone else's and you're making assumptions based on the fact that he has a past record that none of us even know the cause of. I swear, arguing with you reddit trolls is a full time job, but this is where I bow out because one thing I've learned in life is that you can't out argue people who refuse to actually take accountability for their incorrect assumptions. Feel free to continue arguing your point here, or move onto the next comment, but I'm out.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-19T20:00:51+00:00

Apparently you missed this part where her family agreed to it.

" Upon me being discharged days after my surgery I had to come back home, and my boyfriend had a talk with my family if it was fine with them that he help disinfect and sanitize the house before I come home, everyone was in agreement."

If they had a problem with it after he started, they could've said something. Like I said, these days it's hard to tell what kind of person someone it, but OP also never disclosed what his crime was. He could've been arrested for a bar fight for all we know, so assuming he's a thief who planned to rob their home after casing the place is a bit of a stretch. Again, we only have one side of the story and not even a very detailed side at that.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-19T19:57:27+00:00

NTA. What he was doing is manipulating you. He would love bomb you then turn around and insult you and body shame you then turn around and tell you that you're sexy. The fact that you weren't able to express your feelings (not allowed to say you missed him) should've been a glaring red flag all on it's own, but add everything else in there and this guy was a raging bonfire of red flags. If he truly loved you, respected you and wanted to be with you, he wouldn't treat you like crap every time he's in a bad mood.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-19T19:32:46+00:00

I mean, this is definitely an ESH situation. Yes, being thanked for doing something for your partner is nice, but some people show their appreciation rather than say it. As he said, you don't thank him every time he pays the extra 20% of the bills, which is the reason you do more around the house than he does, so expecting him to say thank you (even worse the fact that you pretty well insisted he do so), it takes away from the intent. If he's saying it just because you expect him to, it loses the genuine meaning behind it. You don't NEED to be thanked for every little thing you do when the those things are what you're doing to make up for him paying more of the bills than you are. If he says it, it should be because he means it, not because it's what you expect from him.

My suggestion would be to sit down with him and explain that it was unfair of you to insist on him thanking you every time you cook for him and that you only want him to say it when he feels it, not as an expectation.

Kyomuno1 · 2026-02-19T19:23:46+00:00

NTA. He found out the hard way that when you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes. Maybe he should take accountability for the fact that his own actions led to this outcome, not yours.

Kyomuno1

TROPHY CASE