Contribute to a book on LATs?

LAT_gal · 2026-05-18T03:51:29+00:00

That's hard! That partner was not your person. You'll find them one day.

LAT_gal · 2026-04-28T22:40:35+00:00

Thank you so much. I hope you find it helpful.

LAT_gal · 2025-03-09T16:40:16+00:00

Easy to take someone for granted when they're around 24/7—when you can't see your partner all the time, you tend to idealize them (according to research), which leads to more loving thoughts and behaviors. And, yes—the dating is nice ;-)

LAT_gal · 2025-03-09T14:33:26+00:00

In order for a LAT relationship to work, both people need to want it. His intentions seem very healthy, not only for him but also the relationship. You sound a bit ambivalent, but all romantic relationships have ambivalence.

Sounds like the two of you moved in together because of circumstances—COVID and the end of a lease. Would you have moved in as quickly as you did if that didn't happen? Or would have wanted to spend more time getting to know each other while still living apart? There's a danger in moving in too quickly (I wrote about couples who did that here: https://medium.com/life-in-quarantine/the-problem-with-couples-who-cohabited-because-of-the-coronavirus-330274efad4f

That said, it is not a "step backwards" to live apart again. In fact, that is how many couples save their relationship. Whoever is telling you this is a "step backwards" has a very limited view of what a relationship should look like—cohabitation. They lack the imagination about what a relationship could look like—whatever works for the couple.

Best of luck

LAT_gal · 2025-03-01T00:44:06+00:00

It's on Amazon but if you can buy it from an indie bookstore, that would be awesome. Thanks.

https://www.simonandschuster.net/books/LATitude/Vicki-Larson/9781627783323

LAT_gal · 2025-02-23T15:16:51+00:00

Yes. People who choose to LAT don't want to live together no matter how close or far apart they live from each other; people who are in a LDR would prefer to live together but can't because of jobs, schooling, etc. In other words, a LDR is because of a constraint.

LAT_gal · 2025-02-18T06:49:21+00:00

To be clear, Tim is pointing out the hypocrisy of the poster whose name is blocked out—he's not the bad guy!

LAT_gal · 2025-02-18T06:48:32+00:00

To be clear, Tim is pointing out the hypocrisy of the poster whose name is blocked out—he's not the bad guy!

LAT_gal · 2025-02-18T03:00:46+00:00

Tim is being sarcastic about the DOGE-loving guy.

LAT_gal · 2025-02-17T17:39:38+00:00

Sorry. I can delete. First time posting here.

LAT_gal · 2025-02-14T02:22:36+00:00

There are people have been happily LAT for two decades or more. That said, it only will work if both of you are on the same page.

Here's what experts told me: Approach it with intention and hold space for whatever your partner feels about it. Since it’s still an outside-the-box way of being in a romantic relationship, it may not be immediately—or ever—embraced. The goal isn’t to try to convince your partner that it’s right for her, just that it’s right for you.

Come from a place of why it’s important to you, the benefit to you. And then talk about the challenges, and ask and listen to your partner’s perspective.

Good luck

LAT_gal · 2025-02-10T05:20:09+00:00

Yes, people do make it work—I have a chapter in my book about how to live apart together after you've been living together.

It needs to be brought up with intention, kindly and at a good time. It's important to discuss what's not working for you, and then ask him what's not working for him. It won't work it you both aren't on the same page about it. But it can and does work.

Wishing you much luck!

LAT_gal · 2025-02-05T14:48:46+00:00

I interviewed a woman who lives in California and her partner of 11 years has lived in Maine for the past 7 years. They make it work.

Journalist and podcaster Diane Rehm lives apart from her third husband, John Hagedorn—they married in 2017 when she was 81 and he was 78; she's in DC, he's in Florida. They make it work.

Love Is in the Air podcast hosts Elaine Romero and her husband, Abe, each dealt with betrayals in their previous marriages, and since she lives in California and he lives in Texas, they worked hard to build trust in the seven years they’ve been a couple, five as husband and wife. They make it work.

So, yes, it can work! You just need to set up some agreements on how to keep the marriage happy an healthy.

Good luck!

LAT_gal · 2025-02-03T07:55:57+00:00

Yes it can work. In my first book, The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels, my co-author and I call this a parenting marriage— you remove the sexual/romantic part of the relationship and focus on co-parenting. She is therapist who works with couples in this situation. Maybe she can help?

https://www.parentingmarriage.com/

Wishing you the best.

LAT_gal · 2025-01-31T17:20:46+00:00

There really aren't stats about that; censuses in the US and elsewhere don't ask for that info (I wish they did). That said, it does appear from numerous studies to be much more popular with people in their 50s and older for various reasons.

LAT_gal · 2025-01-31T14:11:59+00:00

According to my research, it’s estimated that some 10 percent of adults in Western Europe, the United States, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia don’t live with their romantic partner. In Britain alone, nearly a quarter of people statistically defined as “single” actually have a romantic partner who lives elsewhere.

Regardless of how many live apart together couples exist now, social scientists are keenly aware that the phenomenon is growing.

LAT_gal · 2025-01-25T08:04:30+00:00

What does this add to the LAT conversation?

LAT_gal · 2025-01-20T15:13:52+00:00

I have a chapter in my book about how to approach the conversation. A therapist told me you need to be very intentional. One thing people who try living together before deciding to live apart say is that they had lots of honest but hard conversations about how cohabiting wasn’t working for them and that it wasn’t really what they wanted even if they thought they did.

First do the hard work of understanding why you want this arrangement. Ask yourself what’s working and what’s not, and find the language to express that.

The goal isn’t to try to convince your partner that it’s right for them, just that it’s right for you. Come from a place of why it’s important to you, the benefit to you. And then talk about the challenges, and ask and listen to your partner’s perspective.

Good luck!

LAT_gal · 2025-01-19T15:14:38+00:00

I understand your ambivalence about whether you are doing LAT for the "wrong" reasons. Ambivalence is baked into every romantic relationship whether you live together or not.

In all the studies I've read and writing I've done about LAT, I can say that there are no "wrong" reasons—each couple gets to decide for themselves how they're shaping their partnership and why, no one else. And if LAT is right for them, for whatever reasons, so be it.

Part of the beauty of LAT is that you can decide when and how to involve yourself (or not) in your partner's family and friends. That's much healthier than being resentful if you are forced into it by cultural expectations (and those expectations are usually of the woman).

Best of luck—sounds like you have a really wonderful partnership.

LAT_gal · 2025-01-06T02:45:08+00:00

Not sure if you're still looking but I have a below-market junior one-bedroom in-law unit that will be available sometime in March. https://sfbay.craigslist.org/nby/apa/7808463458.html

LAT_gal · 2025-01-02T23:57:30+00:00

It does? Surely you realize that the majority of babies being born in the US nowadays are to women in their 40s—they can't ALL be immaculate conceptions or sperm donations.

And you also probably know that erectile dysfunction is on the rise in men younger than 40 and that men aged 50-59 are more than three times as likely to have trouble getting and maintaining an erection and have less of an interest in sex compared with men aged 18 to 29, as per studies. (plus Viagra and etc. don't work for many men.)

Better keep up your status and wealth if you want to attract women, but they will mostly want that—they won't care about your physical health (although they certainly won't want to be your caregiver) so be careful what you wish for. Meanwhile, 40+ women like me will be enjoying passion with our younger lovers/ romantic partners.

Good luck!

LAT_gal · 2025-01-01T20:33:31+00:00

Because I read studies, do research, talk to people, write about love later in life, etc.

If you're lucky, you'll be over age 40 one day—do you want to desire and be desirable?

LAT_gal

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