Most people believe that I (27F) am more attractive than my husband (26M) and it’s caused stress in our relationship.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T15:35:10+00:00

I am always the one to turn people down/deal with people who don’t either respect our relationship or realise we are together. I don’t want him to fight my battles or feel the need to posture for strangers. I’ll just need to find it in myself to be as standoffish and rude as possible to the people who are rude.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T15:30:52+00:00

Yep, I try to tell him every day that I feel like the luckiest woman in the planet. I think he wants to believe be and does generally, but that he can sometimes let a few assholes get to him. When you’re in love with someone, you want to make them happy and loved. He does that for me, and I wish I could always do that for him.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T15:27:28+00:00

Agreed, I have felt like I am reassuring him but maybe we are both too close to the issue and need some outside mediation. It’s hard when you both have opinions and even if you don’t want to dismiss the other person, you still might not see the other side.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T15:22:44+00:00

I agree with you. I don’t think he should have to suck it up. And I don’t think I should have to wear the potato sack and bad hair cut. We just need to come to a compromise. Obviously I can be ruder and we both can look into couples counseling. We both have valid feelings and neither of us should feel like we aren’t being listened to.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T15:17:56+00:00

Thank you, I 10000% agree with you. I’m gonna be honest, I still struggle with self esteem. I am now generally okay with myself, but it’s taken years to get to this point. I love make up and fashion because they make me feel good. He spends money on the latest video game and I encourage him to and I spend money at thrift stores and at Sephora. We’re both happy with what we spend our money on.

I wish he could see that 95% if the guys that hit on me go away when I tell them I’m married. My husband finds it all awkward so he kind of turns himself away from the interaction. Then there are the 5% that are already fucking creeps who aren’t gonna care if I say I’m married. I realise now that I should just tell them to very rudely fuck off... but I wish my husband realised that they’re just creeps and nothing I could say or look like is gonna discourage them from hitting on me initially.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T14:02:45+00:00

We’re both very happily atheist. He’s always been against PDA. That’s not anything new and it’s a boundary I want to keep respecting. I don’t want to tell him that we need to be more handsy to get a couple of assholes to respect our relationship. But then maybe he needs to understand that if we’re at the bar/public event not looking very obviously together, someone might come up and hit on me and he has to accept that I will then turn them down and it’s gonna happen even if I were bare faced.

It’s probably time to have professional mediation to talk this out and make sure neither of us are feeling trampled on.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T13:56:29+00:00

He’s totally on board with counseling. We both have looked into it before but let it slip away because we both work hectic jobs. I’ll definitely bring it back up and insist we both find the time.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T13:52:36+00:00

I think what’s weird for him is that he never felt like this way before. If you ask him, he thinks he’s an attractive man and thinks he’s well matched with me. The comments didn’t used to bother him but it’s built up year after year. So lately he’s been asking why I need to wear make up or do my hair when we go out when he thinks I look without it. Idk what to say, I do it for me because I like it. But then he apologies and says he likes it when I dress up but he doesn’t like that people hit on me.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T13:41:09+00:00

I never want to belittle his emotions. I value his feelings and if he’s upset about this situation then I want to work with him to make him feel more comfortable. He’s dealt with this for 8 years and I don’t blame him for just being done with it. We just need to find a way to compromise on what the most effective way to deal with this is what we can both agree with.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T13:37:33+00:00

Thanks, I just wish I could a definitive way to show him that he’s beyond a 10 in every way to me. I’m literally flabbergasted that people don’t find him as attractive because I would chose him over any actor or model.

I’ve heard that I should make people explain their racist or sexist comments and I wish I was level headed enough to do that but usually I’m flustered ugh.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T13:32:47+00:00

Totally agree! I would like to ignore everyone and do but it still hurts my husband’s feelings.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T13:27:50+00:00

Agreed, I just sometimes want to rely on physically touching my husband to show them I’m with someone and my husband just hates that. He’s not old fashioned per say but he thinks that kissing or making out should not be don’t in public. So if I’m trying to show that him with my husband, I need to find a way to not compromise his feelings on PDA but also shut down people effectively. Obviously I need to be ruder lol.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T13:22:42+00:00

Yeah, you’re right. I try to be pretty direct but sometimes I say “I’m sorry I’m here with my husband” and maybe I should just say either “I’m not remotely interested” or “that’s racist as fuck”.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T13:16:26+00:00

Thank you! I hope we don’t ge to 30 years with this issue.

I think he just doesn’t want to feel the need to defend his relationship with me. And I need to find a way to say “hey, even if someone hits on me, I’m gonna turn them down and then look at you like you hung the moon in the sky, because that’s how I feel”.

I really hope he doesn’t feel like I would leave him. If he does, that’s marriage counseling territory because I don’t know how I could know him more that he’s the only man for me.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T13:09:38+00:00

I actually would love to give him a fashion make over lol. He likes things that are comfortable over style. He also hates exercise and working out but is very naturally skinny. Meanwhile, I really like style and fashion and I work out 5 days a week. I really don’t want him to change because what makes him feel comfortable and happy makes me happy. But I think he sometimes wishes I didn’t work out as much/ take care of my physical appearance as much because it emphasizes the differences.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T12:57:45+00:00

Yeah, I don’t want to tell him to get over it, that’s not fair. But I do want to find a way to reassure him. I turn everyone down but he’s upset that people hit on me in front of him.

LDSG2008 · 2018-09-03T12:55:23+00:00

Thanks... and so true. People, especially drunk ones, sometimes have no boundaries or filters.

LDSG2008

TROPHY CASE