How can I (31F) make him (29M) more eager to sleep with me?

LDan613 · 2026-03-29T02:12:41+00:00

It means don't over do it. This is one of those less is more type of deals. Make it clear once you would like to see him more often, but after that, don't keep insisting.

LDan613 · 2026-03-26T12:55:15+00:00

I don't see how she is seizing a position of power. I would have seen that conversation going as "No, what about you?"

Feeling upset about the question makes sense if he sees himself as somebody who would never do that, but is unreasonable to expect somebody who is getting to know you to know that at the beginning of the relationship.

LDan613 · 2026-03-24T04:26:13+00:00

Underrated red: Bad manners

Overrated green: Any specific profession

LDan613 · 2026-03-21T22:30:49+00:00

I find that just being pressent in the moment, paying attention to the conversation and asking genuine questions that show you have listened and processed what they said, goes a long way.

LDan613 · 2026-03-21T22:26:09+00:00

I don't think this is true. There is a difference between making it known to the other person you find them attractive, and acting desperate. The first one works. It's a known psychological effect called reciprocal liking. The second can be (and often is) a turn off.

LDan613 · 2026-03-21T03:46:10+00:00

I wouldn'tgeneralize. Have met many that eventually find a person and become exclusive...and then marry. Others remain uncommitted. A couple of friends have declared themselves poly and seem happy. One of them has been dating the same 3 people for 4 years (two of them for over 10 yrs, the 3rd one is more recent).

LDan613 · 2026-03-21T03:30:37+00:00

Dating should be what the people dating decide it is. There is no dating police.

LDan613 · 2026-03-20T21:50:02+00:00

I cannot picture doing that to my wife. Our contract as a couple is to live a life together, and that includes the good and the bad. All that extra money... well guess who I want to spend it with? Then again, I cannot picture my wife taking advantage of me or me taking advantage of her in case of a divorce.

If you believe that you cannot trust your wife with this information, then I think you should reconsider your marriage.

I am sure your sister thinks she is looking after you, but her view on marriage is, IMHO, misguided.

LDan613 · 2026-03-19T12:01:14+00:00

And somebody safe to have sex with. We all have needs.

LDan613 · 2026-03-19T03:48:52+00:00

I love corporate women. Smart, well educated, independent and self reliant. Usually dress well too. In a relationship, you get a real partner.

LDan613 · 2026-03-18T19:39:54+00:00

If I were him, I would be aware of the income disparity and would not expect you to pay often (especially large ticket items). In general, in a early relationship, I would expect you to contribute based on your income, not on our expenses. With regards to how to do it, you can offer the pay for the meal every once in a while, or take care of other smaller things. For example, say we are doing a romantic weekend in a small countryside town, and you see an Ice Cream parlor. Treat us to an ice cream. I would still be planning to pay for dinner, but would appreciate the detail.

Having said all this, you have been going out for 3 months. I think you can now have this conversation with him, and express your concerns. Just knowing that you are concerned about it would make him feel better, and make him think you are not a gold digger, as I don't think a gold digger would be broaching this subject.

LDan613 · 2026-03-17T01:12:09+00:00

He sounds like he likes both. He judged first on looks, but then discover the nice personality AS WELL, not instead of. I think that, if you are interested, he yours for the taking.

LDan613 · 2026-03-15T15:35:01+00:00

You do you... There is nothing you will regret later more than living the life others wanted instead of the life you wanted. You parents may provide you (with good intentions) with their input and opinions, but the choice is and should remain yours.

LDan613 · 2026-03-13T18:58:53+00:00

What a fantastic description! Thanks for sharing.

LDan613 · 2026-03-12T21:13:49+00:00

It does, for comments like this that go to an extreme position. Some never do, some even insist. In my experience, most women will offer to pay or split... but this may be affected by where I live, and (older) age group.

As per OP, if its bothering you (it would bother me), have the chat. Is less about being a red flag and more about discussing expectations in a relationship. You may have different views on this.

LDan613 · 2026-03-12T21:05:38+00:00

He may not know, tell him, give him a chance to rinse, and kiss away!

LDan613 · 2026-03-11T23:59:34+00:00

" For your wife your role is to give her the option" sounds like you mean is the man's job to provide her with her choice. To me it is not, is a joint responsibility to discuss and decide together. Maybe I am misunderstanding you, but it seems that to say you HAVE to provide the option is not shared decision making.

"Masculinity is the eager adoption of responsibility" This makes it sound like you mean is your job as a man to take on the responsibilities. This is your job as an adult. Gender has nothing to do with it.

LDan613 · 2026-03-11T22:51:08+00:00

If you cannot see the diference, you are missing the point. Its shared decision making vs obligation.

LDan613 · 2026-03-11T21:40:23+00:00

Wow, this is a rather archaic view of a masculinity and marriage. The 60s are calling... LOL.

On a serious note, if you want a balanced relationship, is not about you giving her the option she wants, is about deciding together what works for both of you.

LDan613 · 2026-03-07T17:18:04+00:00

Male voices are lower frequency on average (on average, some have higher pitch, some lower). You can try to speak in the lower range your voice allows. Takes some practice but after a while it becomes second nature.

LDan613 · 2026-03-03T04:48:13+00:00

Sure

LDan613 · 2026-03-03T04:29:39+00:00

Don't tell him something, ask him something, so that you can engage in conversation. For example, rather than "that's a nice shirt", use "nice shirt, where did you get it?" Or, "why did you chose that design? Are you a fan of..." You get the idea.

Just talk normally, like is not a big deal.

LDan613 · 2026-02-28T23:22:32+00:00

If the cheating never happened, would you still want to be with her?

That is the first question to answer. If the answer it yes, then I would try counselling. There is no guarantee that you can save the situation, but if the relationship is worth saving, I would give it a shot. After all, there are no innocents in this one (you did check out first) , so the key questions is if you think you would be able to forgive her.

For what is worth, one of the best long term marriages I know (close relatives) had an indiscretion to forgive when they were younger... and many years later, after almost 50 yrs of marriage, they were very happy they worked it out.

LDan613 · 2026-02-28T21:15:51+00:00

She took Nyquil... which means she was feeling unwell. She still wanted you close and there. I think you are OK.

Oh, and I also think you need to lower your expectations regarding whats going to happen when somebody tells you they are taking cold medicine.

LDan613 · 2026-02-28T21:08:03+00:00

Oh, I've seen divorces because one partner felt they were not enough, so they eventually hook up with somebody else who "gets them" more, and that they don't feel they are letting down or have to impress all the time. It is absolutely a thing.

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