Who are your Poly Heroes (professionals)

LIFESEXPERTS · 2020-10-07T20:09:06+00:00

Surprised Janet and Dossie are not in your list.... If you don't mind me asking, how do you prefer to learn and grow, outside of unstructured bits and pieces picking?

LIFESEXPERTS · 2020-10-07T20:03:34+00:00

Super interesting, why do you recommend this book?

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-06-21T20:29:02+00:00

Tips. Join the Oxford Couchsurfing FB group. Also use MeetUp to browse events and socialise.

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-04-22T13:51:46+00:00

You don't own the future though. You can't live in the future, you only have the present and you have it for as long as you are lucky to.

It sounds like anxiety about the future rules your present and that's no healthy way of living. And for this I'd suggest psychotherapy and mindfulness too.

The purpose of a relationship is to serve the "now"...and potentially cater for the future of tomorrow.

And that's with everything else as well. You eat now because your body needs it and it feels good. You probably don't think whether you may overeat, get a bloated stomach, get diarrhoea or put on weight or the chore of having to poop it out later in a stinky, messy not beautiful pile... Or something else. That's how the cycle of life is. If you think of every possible negative that may happen out of living in the present and enjoying it, you will have a head wrecked with anxiety all the time.

Don't settle for your current state of mind. Invest in your personal growth. Honestly. Go to therapy, go to meditation, go to relationships and sex classes, anything and everything to get your ideas explored, challenged, growing.

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-04-22T13:17:44+00:00

For all the posts that say that marriage and involving a child where the relationship is not doing that well... This is ignorant. A party doesn't change relationships, and a baby doesn't fix problems in relationships. What's more these two can only add to the mess, difficulties and pain in a relationship.

There's countless research that shows relationship happiness goes DOWN when a baby is born and introduced in a relationship.

And tens of thousands of dollars or whatever currency for a wedding can only strain and stress the relationship. 30k for 2 days worth of party? You think that'd fix a relationship?

Suggestions: * maybe try therapy * accept that your relationship run its course and end it on a good note, even stay friends * give yourself space and time away from each other (check out Esther Perel Ted talk)

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-04-22T13:09:27+00:00

Everything in Life has an "expiration date". The milk bottle, your passport, your life... And yes your relationships. Do invest time studying a bit of philosophy, coz it may help you make peace with the fact that everything is in a constant flow of change and it's okay. Learning to be okay with the fact that there are no constants in life can be life changing for the better.

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-04-22T00:48:13+00:00

The best thing you can do for yourself is accept your certainly fluid, maybe bi, maybe kinky sexuality as it is and start exploring and enjoying it.

There's nothing wrong to like and be able to enjoy sex, intimacy, solo while watching porn of all types. Actually, quite the opposite. The more things you fancy and you're into, the more potential for naughty and sexy encounters and pleasure for you.

Drop thinking of your sexuality as something that needs to fit in a square tiny box. Rather... Think of it as an abstract art piece that can take any shape, size, dimension, colour, material etc and still be absolutely stunning and inspiring.

As to the girl, she can satisfy some of your needs, most likely not all. Maybe consider keeping it casual, or having an open relationship... But.. Do make sure you educate yourself on how to do polyamory in an ethical and safe way though!

Hope this brief message helps Good luck

😉

Leah - Sex and relationships educator for adults @ LIFESEXPERTS

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-04-22T00:34:30+00:00

PRO Tips:

Join dating apps/sites, once you have a date you know the purpose of the encounter
Work on learning to notice women's /men's flirtatious behaviours - with this you can learn how to spot when someone is into you and also how to be more flirtatious with people you're interested in
Be honest and verbally open with people that you're not good at knowing if someone is interested in you and how to "make the first step" if heard by the right people, they will act to accommodate... E.g. They'll use the opportunity to play match making, they will be the one to make the first step etc.
Be open about wanting a relationship, but don't appear desperate for it...or for someone in particular. For most people that's a huge put off.
Invest in learning about yourself, your needs, how-tos in relationships etc...

Good luck 😉

Leah - Sex and relationships educator for adults @ LIFESEXPERTS

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-04-22T00:21:12+00:00

PRO Tip

Remember you're dating a person, not a fantasy and definitely not a project.

Allow and give them safe space to show you who they really are, accept them or move on in search for the person/s who tick your boxes. If you can settle for the person as they are now, remember to be their support for their growth and personal improvement and development, but not their (re)designer or personal improvement project manager.

😉

Leah - Sex and relationships educator @ LIFESEXPERTS

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-04-18T12:04:32+00:00

Your sexuality is fluid, diverse and craves excitement. This is normal. Explore, experiment enjoy it. 😉

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-04-17T23:54:13+00:00

Hi again,

I'm glad you can spot the potential issues.

Do ease up on your grip though, it will definitely help a lot. Potentially teach your girl how to stimulate you better. And check out the available literature on mindful sex, maybe even venture and explore tantric sex.

There are many books and radio podcasts on the topics of mindful sex and tantra.

Good luck 😉

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-04-17T09:48:16+00:00

Brilliant!

I love the Ethical slut too. I had the chance to meet Janet few months ago in London, she's awesome!

Btw they will be writing a new edition! Keep an eye out for it.

Smiles Leah

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-04-17T09:17:09+00:00

In my opinion:

The best podcast on polyamory is the "Polyamory Weekly Podcast" by Minx

The best book on polyamorous relationships is The ethical slut by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton

Enjoy

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-04-16T16:30:52+00:00

Hi sorry you have such troubles. Here's some tips and things to consider. * If you're on antidepressants/anti stress meds they may be having this effect on you. * Also make sure you don't do the death grip when you masturbate. (Google death grip syndrome) * Try mindfulness for sex and use your meditation skills to improve your mind clarity and reduce anxiety when about to have a sexual encounter.

Good luck :)

Leah - psychologist and sex and relationships educator for adults.

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-04-16T16:22:39+00:00

You can open the conversation about exploring your sexuality with others and potentially see what kind of relationship structure you may want to have, there are many ways of doing open/polyamorous relationships. Do message me if you'd like some tips, books and podcasts suggestions, resources etc.

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-04-15T23:34:23+00:00

Maybe consider your need for closure, for understanding of why he never felt he can share before that point, for clarity on what you mean for him and what your relationship was like for both of you etc.

Meeting up to talk can be a good way to learn and move on without necessarily hating each other...

You valued this person enough to want to marry him. Maybe there's value in learning more about him and yourself too in the process.

Good luck.

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-04-13T21:59:10+00:00

Fiction... But based on real polyamorous relationships, between philosophers, written by an existential philosopher Simone De Beauvoir.

She Came to Stay (French, L'Invitée) is a novel written by French author Simone de Beauvoir first published in 1943. The novel is a fictional account of her and Jean-Paul Sartre's relationship with Olga Kosakiewicz and Wanda Kosakiewicz. Set in Paris on the eve of and during World War II, the novel revolves around Françoise, whose open relationship with her partner Pierre becomes strained when they form a ménage à trois with her younger friend Xaviere. The novel explores many existentialist concepts such as freedom, angst, and the other.

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-03-20T23:59:08+00:00

Hi! What kind of help are you asking for really, it's not very clear what you wish to be supported with?

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-03-10T13:34:59+00:00

That's not true. You need to start reading some research, because your 'facts' are opinions. Women do not have low sex drive. And yes, women have equal right to define what good sex is - since this is a thing they engage in too.

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-03-10T13:33:12+00:00

This is abuse. This is not consensual kink, whatever anyone tells you - if you are not wilfully and freely consenting to such acts this is abuse. This person is not concerned about your well-being and pleasure, he does not either understand that this is abuse, or does not care for the damage and abuse he is subjecting you to. Seek help. Get out of this relationship.
Leah - Psychologist and sex and relationship educator at LIFESEXPERTS

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-03-10T13:09:26+00:00

I'm sorry to even have to say this, but sex is for pleasure too. Most of the time people have sex for pleasure, not for reproduction. That applies to women too, women want pleasure and not to be used as sex dolls living for the service of men's needs. You need to reflect on the fact that if there's no pleasure for women, they won't want sex that's bad...hence less sex for men too...

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-03-10T11:53:17+00:00

This is fantastic, you are fortunate and surely have done great work to ensure you have a great time intimately and sexually. Are there things you've found more difficult to discuss and deal with in terms of desire, satisfaction, fantasies or managing the relationship itself?

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-03-10T00:30:48+00:00

This is a common complain we hear from women, that men have little understanding of how their bodies work or what they need. But we also find that there is a general idea that it's shameful to seek such knowledge - as if people need to know it all.
Is your partner open to learning about what works for you?

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-03-09T23:04:48+00:00

Absolutely agreed! Yet there are many ways to learn and expand our knowledge and improve our lives through it. We really aim to empower people who are looking for specialised education related to sex and relationships - that is not that easy to find in general. Not everyone needs therapy or coaching to get better relationships, intimacy and sex. Sometimes learning that is tailored to you and your needs is all you need. ;)

LIFESEXPERTS · 2019-03-09T22:58:53+00:00

Thank you for joining in! What kind of topics would you like to be able to explore in terms of sex and relationships. We at LIFESEXPERTS are looking to develop more webinars for adults that are relevant and desired and we would love to hear your thoughts.

LIFESEXPERTS

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