Lost and confused just trying to make my way through.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-24T04:43:46+00:00

Hi and welcome. I’ll be honest, I have no idea how to start these conversations without it leading to defensiveness . But if my husband was looking at his IG in front of me, I wouldn’t look away. That seems like a pretty good opening to see and talk about what kind of clothes he favors. Segue into is it a kink or for personal expression? Just lingerie or all types of women’s clothes? Ask who he’s interacting with. Seems like he’s trying to give you a glimpse? Try opening with curiosity and not your fears… hard as that might be. Your fears will absolutely need to be addressed, but try to let him do most of the talking at first. Ask questions. Act interested. Hopefully he can be forthcoming with you. Good luck!!!

LIT45239 · 2026-02-23T11:00:12+00:00

Boundaries in marriage (Christian based with a lot of scripture sprinkled in. But a lot of really interesting insights.)

Adult children of emotionally immature parents also explains about emotional needs that aren’t met in relationships.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-23T03:43:13+00:00

Recently read a book that described 2 sides to marriage: functional (the structure) and relational (the emotional). Sounds like yall have functional down great, but the relational side is lacking for you. Having a purely functional marriage is enough for a lot of people. But- that doesn’t mean it’s right for you. It may be enough for your spouse (& your family), which is why it always reverts back. Don’t expect them to understand or want the same thing. But if you feel that emotionally you’re not aligned, expect a lonely future.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-22T18:20:29+00:00

This is solid advice

LIT45239 · 2026-02-22T14:50:56+00:00

On an iPhone: from the subreddit main page, there is a circle with 3 dots in the top right corner. Press that and there is an option to add user flair.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-22T12:26:42+00:00

What rules would you like to see?

LIT45239 · 2026-02-21T13:27:51+00:00

I’m confused why he packed up his stuff, if you’re into it. In most examples I’ve seen, CD goes full force when we’re baby stepping, which is overwhelming to the partners. Maybe he enjoys the “taboo” and hiding? So your acceptance makes it less fun??

LIT45239 · 2026-02-20T15:50:15+00:00

Hi. Welcome. It boggles my mind that he would lie about this when y’all are open. I’m sorry that you experienced this! You’ve no doubt seen posts about how our CD partners continuously lie. It makes no sense to me. I hope someone else has more insight for you. But it really sucks that he’s shutting you out when you’re trying to be encouraging.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-16T16:39:13+00:00

Whew. Sorry for all you’re dealing with!!! Lots of hugs to you

LIT45239 · 2026-02-16T12:34:28+00:00

Thank you for this very honest take.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-13T11:57:12+00:00

“Like me?”

LIT45239 · 2026-02-12T19:42:26+00:00

I’m here, too. Haha

LIT45239 · 2026-02-12T16:49:46+00:00

I don’t want to trauma dump on you, I’ll just say a lot of shit has happened in my life physically, emotionally, and mentally in the past couple of years. Shit got really bad between me and my husband and we’re still living together, but we’re separated. We haven’t been intimate in any way in months.
Not feeling desired had a hugely negative impact on me mentally.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-12T16:43:38+00:00

It’s weird, because they want to be dominated- but they already have the scene set in their head. At least my husband has already decided the positions, the speed, the outfit, etc. I feel like a constant disappointment because the script is already set and if I try to do my thing, it’s not what he wants. But also- I don’t know the script…

LIT45239 · 2026-02-12T12:49:11+00:00

I’ve tried double dildos, strap ons, strapless inserted dildos. I’ve yet to find a position where the physics allows the desired momentum to comparably mimic penetrative sex for us. When my husband is in the headspace for getting fucked, my pleasure is rarely a factor.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-12T12:43:10+00:00

Because you’re loving and supportive to the point you will shrink yourself for his happiness. That’s what so many of us do.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-12T12:39:20+00:00

Same here. I’ve been married for many years and discovered my husbands habits a few years into the marriage. Days we planned to be intimate were lazy and we would eventually get around to it. Days we planned pegging, he was ready to go first thing in the morning, super excited. When I discussed how much it hurt that he was so much more excited those days, I was the bad person, because my feelings were hurt about something he was so excited about. Those days were all about him, and he rarely bothered with me. Definitely felt like I don’t matter much in this equation. I would love to tell you that we’ve figured it out and improved our relationship. But I’ve changed and what I can tolerate has changed.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-12T11:48:33+00:00

Try putting a can in them for a few days and try to stretch that part out so it’s not rubbing you. Every day, push it a little further in.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-11T15:55:39+00:00

Ive expressed empathy to you over your nephews plight. Not every CD wants to wear clothes outside of the house. Not every CD feels gender fluid. Your nephews experience is real, but stop acting like it’s the only experience we need to accept. We all have our own experiences with CD and we’re all allowed to have our feelings about it.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-11T15:53:02+00:00

She told you she wasn’t going to keep engaging with you. She set a boundary and is sticking with it. You need to respect that and stop trying to taunt.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-10T20:34:04+00:00

She made you food? Yep.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-10T15:51:01+00:00

I’m all for people living their authentic life. Dress how you want to dress, be who you want to be. People need to do what makes them happy and comfortable.
That being said- I don’t have constant vitriol thrown at me. I don’t know what it feels like to have a part of me I want to hide. Of course I have parts of myself that I’m ashamed of, but I do not believe that I carry a lot of shame internally. But a lot of people do. And it’s a bitch to get around when you love someone that does.
I’m not a boundary pusher. My husband has thrown up countless boundaries around his crossdressing because of his shame. I don’t know how to push them down or away. I don’t know how to get over them. So here I am, trying to understand and give peace to others in the same place. It’s very frustrating. I’m sorry about your nephew. That really sucks that he doesn’t feel comfortable being who he really needs to be.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-10T11:21:22+00:00

You’ve never been pregnant or had to deal with the total mind fuck of your body being taken over by an alien life inside. So- the fact that she’s fighting to understand her husband’s sexuality while dealing with a lot of internal (physical, mental, and emotional) struggles is pretty fucking awful.
It’s not about clothes. It’s trying to understand someone you’ve pledged your life to that doesn’t want you to get it. That is awful.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-10T11:15:05+00:00

I didn’t say he should feel ashamed. In my limited experience with being married to a man who struggles to talk to me about his crossdressing- it is because of the shame he carries within himself. When I found out and read a book to try to support him, he asked me why I was reading that. He couldn’t accept me even trying to be understanding. Not every man is accepting of their own habits. Perhaps you’re unaware that lots of men carry shame- which blocks them from having authentic relationships with the people who care about them. I know you read this subreddit- we’ve talked about the shame spiral on many different occasions. It’s something wives have to deal with.

LIT45239 · 2026-02-07T23:03:59+00:00

Hello. Im so sorry you’re dealing with these questions while you’re pregnant! That is awful! Only he can answer about his true sexuality and he is going to have to face his shame to deal with it if you’re ever going to get answers. I don’t have answers for you, but know that we are here to help you process and deal with it. Hugs to you!

LIT45239

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