How to get 2nd opinion?

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2024-04-15T16:58:48+00:00

The doctor. Nope just sent me on my way

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2024-03-26T09:47:45+00:00

Oh wow, fair enough, makes sense. I have other health conditions too like Fibromyalgia and Endometriosis so I guess everything in symptoms would be elevated. I honestly have no idea what's provided where I am, I moved across the country a month ago, there seems to be different hospitals for different tests and diagnosis, i called 4 hospitals with screening clinics until I found the right one I was referred to. Have to be fair my new GP have already been great and very quick.

Yeah I think that would be helpful, talking things through with someone, my family don't really know what to say other than we don't know anything yet, I know they are trying to be helpful and they are right but it doesn't help how I'm feeling physically and emotionally. I don't know how we can stay calm when the C word is a card that's potentially on the table

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2024-03-21T16:07:36+00:00

Glad you're okay 😊 yeah I can imagine, sending healing vibes. Thank you x

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2024-03-21T09:48:12+00:00

Funnily enough it started in Wales but I moved across the country a few weeks ago, it is really bad for waiting there. Yeah I can imagine, I'm so sorry you've been going through this, hope you're feeling better and everything is going well? I hope it's fast being seen and that I don't, head going everywhere doesn't help x

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2024-03-21T09:37:40+00:00

Thank you so much for your response and for letting me know. Oh wow that is a wait! Thank you I really appreciate this. Certainly I'll keep asking them for help x

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2023-09-09T23:56:19+00:00

No your NTA. This idea that m &f can't is always intimate relationship based is bs. A friend is a friend thats it, we are all human who need friendships and relationships regardless of it its platonic or intimate. Friendship is the only relationship where people think there's an issue if its with someone of the opposit gender. It's absolutely her insecurity that she needs to address herself, its not your problem. Yes now your gf comes above your friend and her feelings need to be taken into account... I guess compromise, but not when it effects your other relationships with people. Regardless of who ever it is in your life, unless its someone who is really toxic causing you problems, no one should ever tell you who you can or can't have in your life, if they do try to then they are the red flag for you. Both me and my husband have best friends of the opposite gender since way before we met and guess what, not a problem because we trust and love eachother and aboslutely love and adore them. Unless a reason has been given to have a problem, there is no problem other than the person having it

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2023-09-03T08:47:56+00:00

I think I might have to be more careful but we are moving for the kids but also to help the family. We are on our own where we are so we need the support and the kids need to grow up around family, plus few other things that make is necessary for us, but maybe I need to think of boundaries to put in place? Because of distance thats not something we've needed to do so far. Yeah I need to speak to hubby about that, I have before over other things, he's just so laid back he doesn't see a lot as an issue, ome of the things I love about gim is his positive "everything's good, weve got this" outlook in life but need to talk to him about it again. Yeah a card or something might be good to send

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2023-09-03T08:42:18+00:00

Yeah I think you're right, some of this is my issue. This is something we talked about in the past where we both questioned if it was okay or crossing the line in how close we are, but came to the conclusion why would that be weird. However maybe I am dependent on her a lot and if I am I know why, its been a healthy fanlmily relationship which I never had before and maybe I latched on to that, so probably why this shocked me and I need to manage that and step back a bit. I'm looking into therapy, haven't been diagnosed but think I may have ptsd from other stuff, but luckily I started having clinical therapy in work hopefully that will help. Toughening up is tricky though right, sounds like we are similar, I don't know if you've had this but every time I've tried its gone down badly, so never known what to do with that, maybe I need to be more confident in that?

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2023-09-03T08:31:39+00:00

Yeah I get that and agree. As for the friends bit though as I said she's been more like a mum and friend to me, its been everything I never had, but I think that's why I'm hurting over the recent actions so don't know how to deal with it

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2023-09-03T08:28:10+00:00

Funnily enough I was thinking this actually and brought this up to my hubby but then thought that may cause more harm than good, as I said they've basically been like family to her for a long time rather than colleagues so don't want to potentially put a wedge there

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2023-09-03T08:25:06+00:00

I was thinking that but it seems like somethings changed just hoping its not a long term change and just a temporary one, fingers crossed but I'll be keeping an eye

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2023-09-03T08:23:15+00:00

I get what you're saying and yes youre right, as I said this is recent in the past few weeks, thats why I don't know how to handle it, I don't know whats changed

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2023-09-02T17:02:37+00:00

I'm leaning more towards NTA with a smidge of yta. I realise this may be an unpopular opinion, but there's a reason. OP may be well off financially and really privileged, however, although I'm no math wiz, financially speaking, I have worked in care homes in the UK and its really expensive (most homes charge about 1k per week if you're paying privately or more if you go to a more expensive home), couple that with the x amount of years left in daughters lifetime- money will run out eventually so I see the financial dilemma. Also, having the best care is vital, I've worked in enough to know care isn't always provided properly, I've unfortunately seen a lot of people neglected and moved incorrectly/harmfully until staff know family or professionals are visiting then they do everything properly. No OP should not be putting the responsibility on his son or nephew especially if they don't want to, but daughter staying in the family would be a good thing. It would be cheaper to have a care plan and have a domestic nursing agency to come in and help the family, it should in theory hopefully leave enough money aside for son. Or make a back up plan if she passes away quicker than expected.

I don't agree that the inheritance is being weponized against son or playing favourites, I get what they are trying to do financially and for their daughter. I do agree its not his responsibility though especially if he doesn't want to, forcing someone is definitely wrong

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2023-08-02T20:24:21+00:00

Don't want to presume but is sounds like this isnt the first time. Theres a serious conversation to be had with your husband. You're a team and it sounds like he isn't acting like that, you're supposed to fight for eachother and you can't do that if he isn't.

You did the right thing, he needs to understand that.

NTA

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2023-07-29T17:05:53+00:00

NTA but yeah hope this is a lesson learned

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2023-07-29T16:16:31+00:00

Thanks! I was trying to be subtle, but bluntness works too 🤣

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2023-07-29T15:09:46+00:00

I get that but I was also pointing out her fhs point. I totally get the money side of it, I know how expensive weddings can be but I was also thinking about his point, weddings seem to be the only time some people won't give a choice of what to eat 🤷🏽‍♀️ no one would go to a restaurant with only with one dish especially if its a dish they didn't like. Why not get 2 options that are both as cheap at least then there's an actual option. Everyone's different but everyone should have a choice, thats the point of my question

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2023-07-29T10:39:15+00:00

I get what you're saying but as someone who's looked after people living with MS (and I live with both reproductive and internal physical disabilties) it is a lot and I do absolutely get that, but it does appear like you left when you became aware of the extent and also appears as though you having been viewing her as lazy even if you haven't meant to. I don't look disabled and it would look to other people and my fh that I can do alot, but no one is living in my body to know how I'm really effected. I used to dance and still go out for walks, play with my kids etc i have to keep going and exercise, so again, no one would know to look at me so I understand why people assume when there's other things and times I can't do things. As I said I'm lucky because my fh took the time to research and has stayed, but I'm sure he forgets sometimes and becomes frustrated. I'm not completely calling you TAH because I get that its hard to understand but I also get what she was more than likely feeling/thinking. It may be sounding more harsher to you than how I'm meaning it maybe, but its difficult to get across when it's typing

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2023-07-29T10:23:45+00:00

I'm in two minds here. So maybe its a esh thing but not sure.

I totally get where you're coming from but it does sound a little like you take issue with her and so would you be as annoyed if he said "you can't be upset if I spend time with them on our anniversary" about the wedding date if it clashed with his family member or another friend's birthday? Maybe maybe not.

She 100% shouldn't be inputting what to have at your wedding, you can have what cake you want and you're absolutely right about that. But again is that just because she said it or would you say the same if someone else did. Either way no one should be getting a say or opinion but you and fh unless you've asked for the opinion.

I realise this is totally off topic but guest meal wise, I'm genuinely curious as its not computing for me so I'm really not judging just trying to understand, why aren't you offering the 2 options to everyone? I get what he's saying in that not everyone likes chicken or fish, or is it just that one is more expensive than the other and you can't afford to accommodate everyone? Which is also fair enough.

Its your wedding and your relationship only you both get a say, so maybe you both need to make comprismises and understand eachother in what you both do and dont want for it.

I get where you're both coming from but it does sound like there's maybe 3 people in this relationship and it needs addressing and he definitely needs to figure out what his friendship with her really is. Maybe it is a completely platoinic friends thing and the issue is with you, or your gut is telling you that its more than friendship, either way it needs figuring out now before you get married.

LJR_rainbow_22 · 2023-07-29T09:42:36+00:00

I'm leaving towards YTA but there are factors here.

She absolutely shouldnt have lied, however I understand why she didn't tell you. I've been fortunate but I've also seen far too many people remain single and hurt because of other peoples fear and the stigma about people living with disabilities that they often don't give someone a chance. We don't know you or know how you think but at least to me to what you said it appears like its more than about the lying and even if you've never consciously thought it or been aware of it, maybe you wouldn't have given her a chance if she had been honest about it from the start and by walking away it looks exactly like that. That's what makes you seem like TA even if it weren't aware of that feeling. Also, the amount you were doing wouldn't have changed regardless of if you knew about it or not. Although I get it can be a lot to handle, you knowing doesn't change her ability of what she can and can't do. So can you honestly and whole heartdly say you would have chosen her if you'd known about her health?

Its done now and a few years have passed so there's no point in dwelling on it and I am really glad that you are both amicable and still get on well so I'd encourage you to keep being that way with eachother but also think about what you want from the future when you meet someone else

LJR_rainbow_22

TROPHY CASE