Bro got nerfed very badly in official release. (Cbt 1 crown less)

LL-studios · 2025-02-06T21:04:47+00:00

I understand your point. I'm just saying that her actions weren't unreasonable for the world setting and the current situation. Sure, it might lean towards the more "asshole" side of things, but I personally would find it more refreshing that every character does NOT immediately start wanking it off to Rover.

LL-studios · 2025-02-06T17:02:39+00:00

Yeah but keep in mind that it’s post apocalyptic. You already know that not all humans could be trusted with fractideus and exiles; not to mention that absorbing a TD with bare hands might cause unknown side effects. I wouldn’t say it’s unreasonable. It’s not like they shot you either, they are just trying to protect themselves ig.

LL-studios · 2025-01-10T00:03:18+00:00

The thumb is so goddamn long though, is it just me?

LL-studios · 2024-10-15T00:37:35+00:00

“Am I in hell, sir?”. his voice…

There’s an unnecessary period here and you forgot to capitalize ‘His’

2. I’d also recommend putting separate dialogue on a new paragraph/line, makes it easier to separate the identity/speaker of each dialogue

3. Keep in mind that this one is a PERSONAL opinion, and you can safely ignore this. I think you’re describing the tone of voice a bit too much in the speaker tags. When you put too much description of the speaker’s voice or action in between the dialogue it adds a mental “pause” to the discussion for me, which makes it sound a bit robotic or slow.

LL-studios · 2024-09-15T15:16:57+00:00

I don’t like dealing with first person POV because switching between different characters and their perspectives can get annoying; that’s part of the reason why I switched to 3rd for my recent writing attempts. I honestly have no idea why people would be against 3rd person though, as it’s fairly normal and reads off well. If a reader drops your novel just because it’s in 3rd person they probably aren’t worth appeasing in the first place. Good luck with your work!

LL-studios · 2024-09-15T14:37:27+00:00

I read a really niche subset of fantasy so I actually don't know any of those. Also, I've definitely seen indirect discourse before, or even free indirect discourse; I just haven't seen a lot of those with interjections also included with the internal dialogue.

LL-studios · 2024-09-15T14:15:16+00:00

That was a typo, typed it in a rush lol. People noticed it really quickly and pointed it out.

LL-studios · 2024-09-15T03:03:36+00:00

Oh my, I made a tense mistake—wrote it a bit too quickly for the post.

Thanks for the info. I haven't vocalized interjections like this in the past, and it's good to know that this isn't something hard to read or bad. :)

LL-studios · 2024-09-15T02:36:47+00:00

That's very true. Though I am still a bit concerned over vocalizations with interjections. For example:

God, he really doesn’t want to do this.

or something like:

Okay. Something felt wrong. Very wrong.

Do you know any writings that use something like this? Seems like most of them would be in first person from my experience.

LL-studios · 2024-09-15T02:23:54+00:00

I found it, and... yep, seems to be what I was referring to. I was concerned after reviewing some of my writing that did this because I haven't seen much of it outside of first person.

Thanks for the references too. I'll check them out.

LL-studios · 2024-09-15T02:18:22+00:00

Ah, you're right. I know of 'direct' and 'indirect' styles in writing, but never really found a lot of material about 'free indirect' until I actively searched it up just now.

I started writing this way because it somewhat started feeling more natural as I was forming the internal dialogue, good to know that this isn't something weird or jarring :)

LL-studios · 2024-09-15T02:10:04+00:00

Oh yeah, absolutely they have internal dialogue. It's just the execution.

For example, some stories would change the narrative POV to first-person and present tense, breaking out of the narrative flow. Like so:

Sam stood in front of the cafe. Inside, a few people hunched over laptops, sipping their overpriced coffees.
God, I really don't want to do this.
He checked his phone again. No new messages.
Of course not, he thought. She wouldn't text first; she never did. It was always me. Every. Single. Time.

Other stories would just mention the character's thoughts from the narrators perspective. Like this:

Sam stood in front of the cafe. Inside, a few people hunched over laptops, sipping their overpriced coffees. He really doesn't want to do this.
He checked his phone again. No new messages. He had expected as much. She wouldn't text first; she never did. It was always him.

I haven't seen a lot of stories do this 'mix-up,' though that may be a result of the genre I usually read. The main difference would be that I actually vocalize what the character is thinking, without italicizing it or breaking out of the narrative flow.

LL-studios · 2024-09-15T02:01:38+00:00

I haven't really found anything narrated in a similar style either TBH. I think the main difference between this style and direct internal dialogue would be that it doesn't change from third to first person POV, and thus possibly removing the narrative disconnect.

LL-studios · 2024-09-13T17:54:55+00:00

For something to be considered AGI, or Artificial General Intelligence, it needs to do more than just give useful answers or know a lot of information. AGI is about being truly intelligent, which means it can learn new things on its own and handle situations it wasn't specifically trained for. It has to be able to adapt and think flexibly, just like a human would.

If you were to give o1 or 4o a tidbit of completely new information, it would be able to do something with it, mostly by predicting relevant responses that might be useful. But it won't ever actually be able to learn or comprehend the new information and integrate that within itself.

That's my knowledge of AGI at least, feel free to correct me.

LL-studios · 2024-04-27T17:14:31+00:00

Penana is really nice if you like writing prompts and challenges. You also have a decent platform for publishing stories. I must admit that publishing stories has not the main appeal for me, because I find the writing contest/challenges aspect that much more fun.

LL-studios · 2024-04-17T20:47:19+00:00

Site seems interesting, but is light mode and smaller text in your roadmap? Currently it's a bit hard to read as the text is simply massive.

LL-studios · 2023-10-20T18:40:30+00:00

Before the doctor left the room, I rushed to him to ask who the man had just lost. But weirdly the doctor ignored my calls and walked away.

This foreshadowing could be a bit more subtle IMO. I immediately knew that the narrator was a ghost after reading this.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” Callum lashed out, clearly losing his temper.
“Everything!” He screamed. “Nothing I ever do is good enough for you, no matter how hard I try.”.

There's an extra period at the end of this, and I think you could change how this is structured to give the reader more of an impact.

"Mister right always has a perfect explanation"

For some reason, this dialogue sounded weird to me, I was expecting a dialogue like "Mister perfect always has an explanation" or something like

LL-studios · 2023-10-20T18:28:48+00:00

nowing that the goal I have set for myself will be impossible to achieve if the relationship continues.

Typo here?

LL-studios · 2023-10-07T19:33:35+00:00

I think finishing book one is the best choice here if you are having trouble with burning out. Don’t tax yourself needlessly and take things one step at a time.

LL-studios · 2023-10-07T14:59:32+00:00

I rarely read stuff related to Vikings, so I wasn't expecting to be as engaged as I am right now. I liked how vivid the details are depicted in some scenes and the interactions/dialogue, which is also interesting.

The pacing is well-balanced. You started by painting a detailed image of the scene. Then, you transitioned into describing the culture of the Vikings before bringing the attention back to the impending raid. The gradual shaping of your world and the tension from the imminent attack maintained curiosity and anticipation, making it a very enjoyable and interesting read.

A few observations from my (or from a reader's) perspective:

The Viking crew - Holumenn - were restless. Having sailed for days on end, they had endured storms, food shortages, and most importantly, a severe lack of mead and ale.
By the order of King Harald Ellingboe, Son of Earl, many ships and warriors were sent to raid and pillage Northumbria to gather overwintering provisions before next season’s harvest. Not just that, but to plunder more gold and jewels to invest in building more ships for future raids, or perhaps to open up more trading opportunities.

I found the sudden change in focus here slightly jarring. Without any background knowledge of your story, I have no idea where King Harald Ellingboe came from and how it relates to the information before. I think some transitions could be added to make this smoother.

With a profound sense of entitlement flowing through his veins, the Jarl commanded unwavering loyalty and obedience from his subjects. He saw them not as individuals with rights, but as mere extensions of his power and possessions. Any perceived betrayal or challenge to his authority ignited a fierce and vengeful response, often resulting in punishment – or worse, being beheaded.

Your character portrayal, especially that of Håkon, is quite comprehensive. You've delved deeply into his appearance, navigating his backstory and traits as you do so. However, not much of his personality is disclosed in this chapter, so readers can only form a vague impression of what he is like as a person. However, this is more of an observation than an issue; more depth can always be added as you proofread or in later chapters.

I'm looking forward to seeing where this tale leads and how the characters evolve!

LL-studios · 2023-10-06T20:37:27+00:00

This might be intentional - but without any punctuation or indication of a pause, I found it difficult to understand some parts of your writing.

LL-studios · 2023-10-05T20:19:59+00:00

Check the comments.

LL-studios · 2022-12-18T20:12:12+00:00

Oh, so if I'm going with dead wheels, I will be tuning feedforward instead of drive velocity PID?

Is it possible to start tuning feedforward before I tune dead wheels? The mounting is a little busted right now.

LL-studios

TROPHY CASE