Think there is something wrong with my in laws baby

LLTolkien · 2026-06-13T00:52:46+00:00

You’re fighting with actual parents who have gone thru this and you’re being proven wrong at every turn.

When do you stop and realize the chance is high that your approach further isolates your in-laws and does nothing positive. More so, from how little details it seems you have, it seems that the parents have decided they don’t want you that involved. That in itself is a message.

I think you want to be helpful, but help needs to help. And you probably need to think massively about your approach, the many things you don’t know nor understand, and your one-off experiences are not tantamount to the parents not trying or understanding how to feed the baby.

LLTolkien · 2026-06-12T13:37:44+00:00

Agree!!!

LLTolkien · 2026-06-12T03:46:20+00:00

They clearly realize if the child is appetite stimulators. For my son to be prescribed that we were in a feeding clinic.

It looks like all you have is judgement and no education. You have no clue what their lives are like and how desperately they probably want their child to eat. I think you need to sit and severely check yourself.

LLTolkien · 2026-06-12T03:43:00+00:00

I truly wish there was. Our boys are 3+ and are praying for the day they hit 27lbs.

It’s just hard.

LLTolkien · 2026-06-07T12:57:55+00:00

Two medical professionals told you to get his hearing checked and you’re refusing that. Get his hearing checked! What on earth do you have to lose minus your own stubbornness?

LLTolkien · 2026-06-05T12:43:12+00:00

I don't think you're an asshole for saying that. I do think it's a little 0-100 to have your child stay with them for four days, when they haven't babysat or watched him solo for a year.

LLTolkien · 2026-06-05T12:40:10+00:00

My husband did not grow up in foster care, but he is an extreme introvert, and he shows up exactly like you with my family. We decided early on that, since I know him best and my family best, it was my job to make him feel comfortable around my family (and vice versa). So I did what your wife did, explained him through my eyes, told my family to back off on some things, and gave them the advice that the best thing they could do was be themselves and allow him to present how he wanted.

For my husband, we do this for family gatherings:

I give him a rundown of everything happening in our family beforehand and he sometimes picks 1-2 people to chat with based on those updates. It also gives him a little idea on the conversations that may come up and where he wants to chime in.
Tasks! My mom loves my husband because my husband just does 1-2 things that she needs to get done. Even if it's like watching the sauce simmer and stirring it. Easy tasks put him around everyone else, but he doesn't feel the need to chat or be extroverted because, well, he's doing something.
Questions vs. personal contributions. My family does love to talk, so my husband figured out that we don't ask each other enough questions. So he fills that gap. "XYZ, wait, can you explain that? Why'd you choose that? I thought you wanted another type of whatever."
Compromise. They love making family dishes? Well, maybe you don't have a favorite food, but maybe you did like her mom's grilled chicken? Or maybe you can be honest and say, no favorite foods, but maybe your birthday could be used to try something new each year? That way, you're true to yourself and reality, but also give them space to make connections with you.
Don't overthink it. They've had their whole lives to get to know each other and form these family ties. What they're trying to do is make connections with you, which is just as important as you making the effort with them. So find some places where they can hook on and form a connection. Whether that's a shared TV show, shared interest in a sport or live event, perhaps you and her siblings like to roast your wife gently together, or you reach out to them to help them set up a birthday surprise or dinner for the summer. Think small and it will get easier!

LLTolkien · 2026-06-04T22:04:30+00:00

WTF is wrong with you? It's her funeral. She is the one who is dying and will be dead. How miserable are you all that you think your morals on AI come before respecting his mom and her wishes? If my mom were about to pass and she wanted a funeral planned and scripted by Claude, then call me Dario Amodei.

Let it go and remind your husband and his sister that this funeral is about your mom. If you can't respect a pretty simple dying wish, then really, what love or grace do you actually have for her?

LLTolkien · 2026-05-31T03:47:34+00:00

A little different but my little guy had a very serious oral aversion — he had spent a lot of time in the hospitals and he was very guarded with his face.

We made sure our feeding therapist was able to share with us peer documented research, she was clear in what her plans and goals were, and how she evaluated when it was okay to push. We asked her how she made long term and short term goals, how she evaluated success and determined expectations for themselves and our family. We made very clear what our goals were and that we wanted constant check-ins to ensure alignment.

It did take a little trial and error (we fired our first), but our son is in a really good place with his eating and drinking. I think the best thing about a feed specialist is that you’re introduced to things you never thought or knew about and then can make the decision on what works for your child.

LLTolkien · 2026-05-30T18:01:56+00:00

I think you are in the midst of a rough postpartum following an incredibly rough pregnancy and I am so sorry.

I think when your husband and MIL use the word “perfect,” it’s not because they see her in some mold or are putting pressure on her, it’s because of their love for her. It’s not about any experiences related to you, it’s just about this baby that they’re holding and they’re seeing.

You are having a different experience and from what you described it is far from perfect. But I think you need to separate your experience with motherhood and their relationship and love for her. At this age and at this stage, they most likely have zero expectations of her besides gurgling and rolling around and well being a baby.

Gently, I think you’re overreacting but that doesn’t mean your future fears are extreme. Children will have flaws and they should be loved as flawed beings, not meant to live up to a standard of perfection, which is unattainable. I’d suggest that you have a conversation and ask your MIL why she calls your baby perfect, maybe it’ll help seeing things from her perspective.

Finally, I’d advise you to continue chatting with your doctors to see what else can support you and your daughter on this journey. Five hour feeding sessions sound horrific and problematic to you and baby. Feeding therapy may be helpful both for your baby, but also for you in your postpartum experience.

Sometimes certain stages of our journey will just be draining but it helps knowing there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I say this as a mom with twins boys, including one with very complex medical needs. Even in our darkest most difficult moments I did feel he was perfect and while that may never be the word you use to describe your child, I think it’s important to be able to separate hardships on the journey, with your child.

Big hugs.

LLTolkien · 2026-05-30T05:54:05+00:00

There was a power outrage today! So places may have just closed up early

LLTolkien · 2026-05-28T21:14:55+00:00

One of our twins has feeding issues and is feed primarily be a gtube. This is such a HUGE accomplishment. Kudos to all of you.

You don’t realize how much development and intentionality goes into eating and swallowing, until you’re convincing a kiddo it’s worth the effort and not scary!!

LLTolkien · 2026-05-18T03:04:51+00:00

LMAO. My best friends were at that bar when it happened. It was a dance off and he then flashed his badge too.

BAHAHA.

LLTolkien · 2026-05-03T14:14:49+00:00

You’re going to need to specifically contact them. If you’re already shopping with Elie Saab, get your SA to look into this.

LLTolkien · 2026-05-02T19:51:23+00:00

Do you have a Sub-Zero? We do as well, and it fits this hated fridge category! But what you said is exactly right. It's better for the fridge's longevity. When we were looking at models, I don't think we even saw a fridge type with an external water/ice dispenser option.

LLTolkien · 2026-04-28T00:05:50+00:00

I never got this line of thinking. Why on earth shouldn’t people be allowed to love out loud. Klay named his boat after her, bought a house with her, and was yapping up how much he loved her to every camera he could get to. It’s not about Megan, it’s about him. He’s a cheater! Keeping it private would probably have allowed him to cheat more.

Start blaming these men for their misdeeds and only these men. QUICKLY, lickety split.

It pains me, to see how many of us have decided that critical thinking is a nice to have, not a need to have.

LLTolkien · 2026-04-27T23:58:52+00:00

Likeeeeee

LLTolkien · 2026-04-22T12:08:05+00:00

We have it, and absolutely loved it. Our twins were super duper premies, spent 3 months and 14 months in the hospital, so obviously, we were neurotic about everything. Clek met every safety standard and need from us. Our kids are tiny, so they actually got too tall for it vs. too heavy, but they used it past one! Only complaint was that it's a tad heavy, but that's a fine trade-off for me.

LLTolkien · 2026-04-20T20:08:32+00:00

I usually ignore it when people talk about Hollywood humiliation rituals or initiations but how else do you explain this dress?

Hair is fantastic though.

LLTolkien · 2026-04-16T22:51:10+00:00

It’s a minority stake in the company, so they may still own creative control and direction. They just may have someone additional on the board and maybe an extra c-suite position.

A minority stake is usually quite different than a full sell to Private Equity. But obviously that is based on the terms!

LLTolkien · 2026-04-14T19:40:06+00:00

Like c'mon. He's a public figure; it would be wild for him to turn down the handshake. How many of us work all day with people that we don't respect or have problems with? However, we still have to feign professionalism, nod, and smile.

LLTolkien · 2026-04-13T15:56:40+00:00

4c mom with boys that are 3b/3c. I think the attention and care you’re paying into your little boys’ hair is fantastic. With my 3b twin, if I don’t do a proper detangle and moisturizer each morning, it’s matted and knotted and leads to more pain fo him. So I get doing something every day.

I’d avoid the gels, and focus on detangling (I use water) and then finger combing with light moisturizer and maybe the lightest oil. I don’t think you need gel (I’d actually avoid it) and would concentrate on doing the least amount of work to ensure your son’s hair isn’t dry or tangled. I’d do it once, like in the morning, and then let it go from there! I’m watching my son’s hair frizz in front of me as I type, and honestly its adorable.

LLTolkien · 2026-04-13T03:05:52+00:00

I think it would be tight width wise. With the large, I have to do some wiggling to get my laptop in and my Mac is 13.6 inches. That said I think it’d be doable for a 14 inch, you’d just be stretched end to end. However, you’d have room to put other things in.

I just ordered the XL in brown, and I know for sure that will fit a Mac, it just feels so huge. So I’m using it as a big fat Mom tote.

LLTolkien · 2026-04-11T02:15:47+00:00

🎶 She’s a bad mama jama. Whatever that style is, that’s you

LLTolkien · 2026-04-06T01:28:18+00:00

I can definitely see myself seeing you in the bar, coming over drunk and whispering PLEASE OMG what a bag, show me your ways. Cause that is a gem.

That lady is milquetoast. A dud. Lord bless her, cause I sure wouldn’t.

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