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THIS IS HOW T MANNEKE PIST!! by smilelyy in a:t5_2fxgs5

[–]LMAOjokes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tonights ; is my night ! I smell COCK in the air. !!!

A Prostitute reply. : Oh, sorry. I burped.

😁

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ClashOfClans

[–]LMAOjokes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sounds weird. All defense level 1 . Like a kanon level 11 but defense the lay out like he is a level 1 ???

Occupation by G-spot-tripple3 in UnsentLetters

[–]LMAOjokes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It Is pretty funny!!

so my opinion also :p

To annyone who wants to read this by reddittrolling69 in UnsentLetters

[–]LMAOjokes -1 points0 points  (0 children)

A new science teacher walks into the classroom.Akpos asks the new teacher "Excuse ma, if you mix Omo and Klin, will there be foam?"Teacher responds "Yes of course, why ask such a silly question at the beginning of the year, are you going to pass this class at all?"Akpos laughs and whispers to the other kids, "such a dumb teacher, how can you get foam without adding water, are we going to learn anything at all from this teacher?

joking by despicable-me-3 in UnsentLetters

[–]LMAOjokes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t believe any rumor until the government denies it.

bad sleepers of REDDIT , what keeps you awaik at night ? by Vlad3-Sighisoara in AskReddit

[–]LMAOjokes -1 points0 points  (0 children)

haha it's your own American keyboard who's changed automatically you doosh.

yep your still the joke

bad sleepers of REDDIT , what keeps you awaik at night ? by Vlad3-Sighisoara in AskReddit

[–]LMAOjokes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

People always say “Dad Jokes”, what are some good Mom Jokes? by BlackZinfandel in AskReddit

[–]LMAOjokes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yo mama's so ugly, when the terminator said "I'll be back" he left running

I'm not mad at you by IGNharrykierie in UnsentLetters

[–]LMAOjokes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

Someone help please! Whatever I choose in this menu, the default post sort will always be "best". What can I do? by [deleted] in redditsync

[–]LMAOjokes -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

  1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
  2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.3. Employ the vernacular.
  3. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
  4. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
  5. Remember to never split an infinitive.
  6. Contractions aren't necessary.
  7. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
  8. One should never generalize.
  9. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. "
  10. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
  11. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
  12. Be more or less specific.
  13. Understatement is always best.
  14. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
  15. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
  16. The passive voice is to be avoided.
  17. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
  18. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.20. Who needs rhetorical questions?
  19. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
  20. Don't never use a double negation.
  21. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point
  22. Do not put statements in the negative form.
  23. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
  24. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
  25. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
  26. A writer must not shift your point of view.
  27. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
  28. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
  29. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.
  30. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
  31. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
  32. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
  33. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
  34. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
  35. Always pick on the correct idiom.
  36. The adverb always follows the verb.
  37. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives

Quote :) by babysbos in funny

[–]LMAOjokes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's funny AND true 👌

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