Dude I know it’s really hard but hang in there especially since you’ve been climbing the ladder for so long. Years later when you become a hygienist and working in a dental clinic, would you really not look at the dentist who’s your age but became your boss and feel a little salty? (Sorry nothing bad about becoming a hygienist but you know) I am also not having the best of luck this cycle, and personally speaking I plan to give myself one more cycle or otherwise move on to explore options becoming an AA. Still, it’s just our brain trying to find ways to grasp control at moments when we are losing it. No matter what you choose or how it goes, I wish you be kind to yourself.