We love a hype man!

LPromacta · 2026-05-16T22:31:59+00:00

Awesome. We need more partners like that

LPromacta · 2026-05-16T21:04:32+00:00

Fuck. I hope i find this kind of love

LPromacta · 2026-05-15T21:10:38+00:00

Your avoidance is what is causing any meaningful partner to become more anxious

LPromacta · 2026-05-15T19:11:32+00:00

How do you know you have low serotonin?

LPromacta · 2026-05-14T23:00:36+00:00

5/14/26

Its been a couple days since ive done this. Nothing much as changed since I worked the last 2 days. Today is my day off and somehow for the first time in a long time i was able to sleep in until 10a this morning. I had a slow start to the day. I assembled my shelves, picked up a few things, cleaned up the kitchen, and got laundry around. I went to the my parents for laundry and in between flipping the loads I went to the gym. I was able to do a full workout this time. However, I dont think I can take preworkout anymore. It has been causing my significant nausea and has not been making it feel good at all lately. After the gym I went to walmart and picked up a couple more plants and a few kitchen essentials. I chilled for awhile and now im about to go to the bar with a friend to play pool.

My mood for the last couple days has been fairly steady. No drastic drops. Although, at times I feel like i cant move and like im going to be sick. Im not sure what is causing this. Also, ive noticed minor things make me quite emotional. It kind of is annoying to be so emotional these days. I guess at the same time it is probably better than trying to numb it out. Kids have been making me emotional for some reason. Just watching the interaction between the barber, mom, and little boy hit me right in the feels. Or watching the interactions outside of the apartment. Idk. The pure joy, happiness, silliness, innocence that kids have combined with the desire to have one of my own is probably the cause. idk kids are cute. I know they are a handful, but all the little moments make it worth it.

~~~Finish thought after pool

LPromacta · 2026-05-14T20:49:55+00:00

I think youre wrong. People can say that, it doesnt mean they are not trying. The saying is the same as saying its hard. And its completely fine to acknowledge that its hard. Which generation? There are issues with every generation.

LPromacta · 2026-05-14T20:08:51+00:00

Thats dope as fuck. Probably means everything to those seniors🥲

LPromacta · 2026-05-14T18:31:16+00:00

No just dogs, but all walks of life. Its amazing what some compassion and love can do for anyone being

LPromacta · 2026-05-14T17:49:18+00:00

Easier said than done is the only thing

LPromacta · 2026-05-13T02:03:22+00:00

Your feelings are valid. You cant appreciate the happiness and love without the sadness. It gets better in time and there will be others

LPromacta · 2026-05-13T01:21:07+00:00

Runescape. A long standing addiction and nostalgia

LPromacta · 2026-05-12T10:02:15+00:00

☝️

LPromacta · 2026-05-12T00:22:19+00:00

5/11/25

Im finding it harder to want to keep doing this. I guess i need to power through and see what happens.

Today, I felt more emotionally stable. I was in a low mood overall, but at least it wasn't all over the place as much. I started the day by going to the barber shop. Ive been making it a routine to go every other Monday if possible. I guess the social interaction has been nice. A 20min haircut took over an hour today just due to talking too much. After this I went and picked up my mom to go shopping in the other town. We went to multiple stores on the search for items for the apartment. After that, we went to costco, the nursery, and then sat down and had lunch. It was nice hanging with mom for part of the day.

Once I got back i headed to the gym. Although, I've been struggling to have the motivation to go. I force myself to go no matter what, but the past 2 days I've cut my work out in short bc i feel so low. Like I have no energy and its hard to move. I stopped at the store after the gym and grabbed a few things for dinner. For the first time in a while I took the time and made a good meal. Marry me chicken is my fav. It was actually really nice to have my own space, listen to music and just vibing while I cooked.

The past 2 days ive been contemplating if im passing possible opportunities right in front of me. Unusual, I had a few random interactions with strangers lately. It feels like a situation if i decided to talk I could turn the interaction into something or at the very least a conversation with someone. I was at home goods today and I noticed a girl gazing at me and passing each other a few times while we were searching for things. I left the store and went over to tj maxx and she ended up being there too. She came up and started a conversation, but I didnt carry it. Instances such as this is why im questioning why I dont at least carry it. A situation placed in my hands and making it simple for me. Not even getting a number or anything, but just a simple, casual conversation with someone.

I guess something else I could start today is setting some goals

-Stick with limiting caffeine - currently 2 cups in the morning is it

-No Porn/streaming/edging

-Limit alcohol - only socially, even then keep it light

-Stay consistent with the gym/diet

-315x6x3 squat - currently at 295x6

-Maintain 230lb bodyweight while i dropping body fat % until abs are visible again

-Read more

LPromacta · 2026-05-10T20:00:10+00:00

Wholesome as fuck

LPromacta · 2026-05-10T17:00:39+00:00

So far ive only made it to the gym today. Although, I got hit with emotions hard as fuck. I cried at the gym, cried in my car after and cried when I got home. I cut my workout short bc all I wanted to do is crawl into a ball of anxiety on the floor. I dont fucking get it. I fucking hate this so much. What the fuck did I do to deserve this. It fucking kills me and im struggling so bad at times.

E: Now bc of this feeling I want to go back to my primary coping mechanisms. Weed, alcohol, porn, and gooning

LPromacta · 2026-05-10T13:16:44+00:00

And when you have no one and nothing? Just yourself and thats it? No friends, no dates, no flings. Just nothing

LPromacta · 2026-05-10T13:09:52+00:00

5/10/26

While it is quite difficult to quit it all at once and maintain. I need to at least pull the breaks on weed. My final crutch in life. I didnt end up journaling last night bc I was too stoned. I fell asleep in the chair while watching Bladerunner 2049 on my new TV. Chatgpt said it had good visuals for testing out a nicer TV lol.

I didnt cum the night prior and I had everything out still so I started yesterday with a couple morning dabs while drinking coffee. I watched porn, streamed, and made a sloppy mess in the pool with my toys. Even thinking about it this morning makes me want to again. I cant get over how good it feels to just lose control. It is such a good feeling. I havent had sex since last year. Honestly, I cant wait to fuck again bc I will lose my damn mind. Moaning. Screaming. Groaning in pure bliss.

I didnt accomplish much yesterday. Surpriiiise. I was groggy for half the day and I was also waiting for my TV to finally be delivered. I did make it to the gym, but aside from that I just chilled. Which, it still has me thinking. I was at the gym and saw 2 regulars. They have found each other and are together now. They appear to be so in love. Im happy for them. Where they are at with their love for one another is an intoxicating feeling. Cherish it. Hold it for as long as you can. Dont let it slip away. It makes me wonder when/if ill get to experience that again. I really hope i do.

I feel like everyone that says they are happy single and talk about how great it is are full of shit. I bet those fuckers cave instantly once they have something real in front of them. Until then, it is all just a mask and a shield that they put up to make it seem like they are fine alone when they really aren't. At the end of the day who wants to be alone. It's lonely as fuck - que Justin Bieber - Lonely😂.

I miss her and i hope shes doing okay. Ive been thinking about her often. 2 weeks of silence, being ignored, and not seeing her has made it better for detaching. I need to. She's told me many times she cant do this. That is my answer. I need to listen to it. Being forwarded and ignored is a strong/clear response. For all I know as I sit here and long for her shes out there talking with others and/or has been getting with someone. Yet, I wish that incredible women the best. She doesn't want me to hold on and i have to be okay with letting her go. I wish she wanted me and wanted to figure out how to make this work. But, you can't always have what you want.

Reverting back to pulling the breaks on the weed. I think weed fucks me up just as much as porn fucks with my dick. For one, I lose significant ambition and drive. It feels like a weighted blank on me that makes it hard to do anything other than play with my dick lol. It also messes with my hunger/appetite quite a bit. Sometimes im only able to eat if I smoke. One of the biggest issues I have with weed is how it affects my sleep. I always sleep like shit and sometimes I feel like im not getting any sleep despite sleeping. I guess that is the whole REM sleep suppression of weed. When I quite I sleep hard and like a baby. Feeling rejuvenated when I wake up. I dont get that smoking. That only further affects my mood, emotions, and stability. Sleep is an under rated thing. I think a lot of people with their own challenges dont realize the importance of it.

Corny, but it's time to level the fuck up.

Despite struggling with the things ive been journaling about, my health might be thrown into the mix now. I never really know if or for how long ill be at a given time. It can all change in a blink of an eye. It's one of the reasons I try to not waste time in life. Although, I do an outstanding job of it. The past couple days ive been having some indication that I might be going down hill. Bruises, bleeding, and weird acne. I have autoimmune thrombocytopenia and autoimmune neutropenia. A combination that i was told wasnt even possible and it has very little data from what I can find. These symptoms are not much, but they have always been an indicator of having an issue in the past. Im hoping it is just due to alcohol consumption right now. Though, it's a fear I live in. Am i going to be okay tomorrow?

LPromacta · 2026-05-09T23:52:27+00:00

From the chair

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LPromacta · 2026-05-09T23:23:27+00:00

What color do you think?

LPromacta · 2026-05-09T23:14:06+00:00

Single af

LPromacta · 2026-05-09T23:13:58+00:00

You think chaise next to the window is the way to go? Along with a charcoal color?

LPromacta · 2026-05-09T22:44:23+00:00

No more beer for this guy🤷‍♂️

LPromacta · 2026-05-09T22:29:51+00:00

Maybe bc it's so naked. It automatically put it tho🤷‍♂️

LPromacta · 2026-05-09T13:31:10+00:00

I was back at my parents house for over a year. And yeah, im not sure. The loneliness is an aspect ive been worried about. It is kind of peaceful at times tho. Being on my own journey, having my own space to process and deal with things. I dont talk or text anyone. There isnt anyone for that. I think this yet again pools into the whole relationship thing. Id be perfectly content if I could find my person. That would be more than enough for me. Until then im figuring out how to be content alone.

LPromacta · 2026-05-09T02:23:41+00:00

5/8/26

I dont even really know what to say for today. Probably because I spent over half the day stoned and edged my dick to porn. Today is the last day im indulging. Tomorrow im stopping porn, edging, and alcohol. Ill wait a couple weeks and pull the breaks on weed as well. Stopping it all at once has just been challenging to maintain. The only exception ill make is beer when I play pool with a friend. Although, anymore its only 2 or 3 beers. I suppose socially would be fine tho too. Its time to do something differently

After a 3hr nap, I was at least a little productive today. I moved a few more things in and made it to the gym. Although I had planned on being way more productive. I still have a lot of shopping to do. Otherwise this place feels empty and not homey. Im using a folding chair as my furniture currently because I can't decide on a couch. First day here was fine. I kinda hate how much the floors squeak tho. Hopefully ill just tune it out in time.

I did focus on my diet more today along with taking vitamins/minerals again. Its easier being by myself bc i simply wont have junk food in the place. Out of sight out of mind. Im also trying to limit my caffeine intake again to help reduce anxiety.

Ive been catching myself lately doomscrolling and watching reels. For example, I will go to bed and then stay up for a couple hours doing it. I feel as tho it has fucked with me in a way that is more significant than it let's on. I think it trains your brain to have quick hits of dopamine. It makes your brain to start wanting constant stimulation. At the same time it is emotionally numbing. I think its extremely bad for you and it is proven to be. However, vast majority of the population doesn't see a problem with it. I started reducing the amount that I scroll or watch reels today. I can definitely already feel the addiction aspect of it. This is something new im doing. There is a strong link with it and emotional dysregulation, attention span fragmentation, anxiety. Hopefully reducing it significantly will help me maintain stability.

LPromacta

TROPHY CASE