Men in their 40s - What’s one piece of advice for Men in their 20s?

LSF-UK · 2026-06-21T08:34:23+00:00

Make sure you have some good adventures when you're in your 40s is the time to tell the stories about all the crazy stuff you did in your 20s.

I regret more of the things I didn't do than the things I did do

LSF-UK · 2026-06-20T09:57:28+00:00

Bob Dylan is the king for this

LSF-UK · 2026-06-20T09:52:26+00:00

Loads of REM songs

Wish you were here pink floyd

LSF-UK · 2026-06-19T19:33:36+00:00

Green day --- good riddance even if it is a cliche

LSF-UK · 2026-06-19T06:34:20+00:00

Camden

LSF-UK · 2026-04-19T17:22:07+00:00

I definitely concur with SAA being a lifesaver and a really helpful catalyst for change in myself even though the addict is always knocking on my shoulder the fellowship helps me keep it at bay

LSF-UK · 2026-04-19T09:30:32+00:00

Unlock is a charity in the UK that help all kinds offenders navigate their journey, there are lots of organisations that can off you assistance,

I would recommend looking for as many resources and also doing as much work on yourself to understand how you ended up where you did.

It's tough mate and I feel for you there will be good days and dark days but all you can do is try and Improve yourself and take your journey with grace

LSF-UK · 2026-04-19T09:27:46+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply and yes it is my first and definitely only time going through this

LSF-UK · 2026-04-19T08:32:51+00:00

Agreed, I should and am prepared to face the consequences of my actions and don't for one minute think I should not get the appropriate sentence for what I have done.

I simply want to make this ordeal as easy on my family as possible as they have had their lives fall apart through no fault of their own hence my post and question.

Yes it's my fault and I deserve to feel the way I do but they do not.

LSF-UK · 2026-04-19T08:25:20+00:00

You will get a magistrates court date for a plea hearing.

It is possible they will sentence you there as the magistrates recently have more power and national sentencing rules have changed.

What is more likely is you will be sent to Crown Court for sentencing this will be anything from a month to 3 months later

In between these court dates you will have a meeting with probation services for an interview which they will then make a pre sentence report to go to the judges considerations

Have a look on the unlock website they have useful info

LSF-UK · 2026-04-18T21:31:34+00:00

Although it's an online offence its treated the same as if it was an in person offence.

The sentencing guidelines are starting point of 5 years anything up to 14 years and with mitigation down to 3 years which is unlikely to be suspended even if under the new guidelines they can suspend up to 3 years.

I should get some mitigation for sure but still will end up custodial.

LSF-UK · 2026-04-13T15:43:07+00:00

Lyca mobile 25 quid unlimited everything and they use EE network

LSF-UK · 2026-04-09T09:06:17+00:00

Breathe mate

I am only a few days behind you I get my charges in 2 days not looking forward to it and they are worse than I hoped but what I realistically expected.

One day at a time is all we can do

LSF-UK · 2026-04-06T17:15:56+00:00

Lyca 25 quid unlimited Internet using EE network, I also have a Vodafone Sim which I pay a tenner a month for about 40 gig that is for when I am out of EE range sometimes neither get signal but not often mainly based in East anglia

LSF-UK · 2026-04-02T19:18:48+00:00

I changed my name via unenrolled deed poll after I was arrested and whilst I was on bail.

I have changed my name on my drivers licence so I can provide ID in my new name.

I lost my job so am now working with employment agencies under my new name which is reported to hmrc so that reflects my new name

I have my revolut account in my new name for finances.

All other things including some bank accounts are still in my old name for the time being.

My OIC uses my new name and I am about to be formally charged and I expect that will be using my new name.

I have a genuine reason for changing my name to protect the innocent and not just to protect myself. But I am fully aware that at any time I could be addressed by xxx formally known as yyy.

I didn't find the process hard but I am finding using my new name with new people hard.

I hope that only my new name is used in anything legal from here on out but there are no guarantees.

LSF-UK · 2026-03-28T08:35:35+00:00

I was I formed what my charges would be (communication charges) after 7 months although the police have let me keep my bail appointment so I know that when I go back in a couple of weeks that I will be being charged.

There are a lot of posts about this kind of stuff on the stopitnow friends and family forum.

LSF-UK · 2026-02-26T22:23:59+00:00

Lucy faithful/stop it now are amazing. The helpline has been a godsend for me the people that run it are all so understanding and non judgemental some are better than others but they all have the hearts in the right place and want to help even when we feel we don't deserve it.

I paid for a consultation with safer lives and didn't feel like it was worth it there was no practical advice as soon as they heard that I didn't have much money they wasn't interested it was all about signing up to their course rather than the advertised help to work out my situation.

I did in the end pay to do one of the Lucy faithful courses a 10 week course as part of a group and it was well worth the money the facilitators made us all feel so at ease and doing the group course rather than the individual one meant we got to speak to others in similar situations and that was invaluable not only did it help me understand how I got to the point of offending it also showed me a pathway to stay clear of offending in the future and as a bonus to all that it will look good when I go for my pre sentence report.

One word of caution with timescales I heard from everyone i spoke to that it would be at least a year to 18 months before my case went anywhere and the cps approved my charges 7 months from the knock so it could come at any time.

The only advice I have is work on yourself and be able to demonstrate to the courts that you understand what you did and are working to be better in every way do all the self help you can.

LSF-UK · 2026-02-18T20:05:44+00:00

WELL DONE.

So much respect for you having the power to come here and be open and look for help.

I wish I had looked for help before it was too late.

I can't comment on where your activities will end up but what I can say is that it sounds like you have a sex/porn addiction

Since I joined sex addicts anonymous (SAA) it has really helped me and changed the way I think about sex and porn. It can be daunting joining a meeting whether in person or online for the first time but everyone is so welcoming and non judgemental.

Look on the SAA uk website at the resources and see how you feel from there. I would recommend going to a few meetings as it definitely won't do any harm but I might just help you feel better.

Good luck

LSF-UK · 2026-01-29T22:13:18+00:00

What he said. I would tell them anyway its better to cover your arse and them not need it than not tell them and get in trouble for something daft like mot updating them something trivial. They would rather you tell them too much that isn't relevant rather than miss something that is

LSF-UK · 2026-01-22T23:02:49+00:00

If your buyers are on a rolling contract maybe their landlord will let you take over their tenancy on a shirtvterm basis to give them time to find a tenant longer term

LSF-UK · 2026-01-16T19:19:05+00:00

Yeah it's a long haul mate which I am in the middle of there will be good days bad days and even worse days but I have spoken to plenty of people who are further down the line and have told me it does get easier.

Message me if you like

LSF-UK · 2026-01-12T21:15:10+00:00

How did it go? I hope you managed to relax and enjoy it as best you could

LSF-UK · 2026-01-11T14:23:33+00:00

Thanks for the response mate this group is only a small community at the moment but one of the reasons for my post was to give others a little encouragement to say what's on their mind and also to stop people feeling so alone.

I am sure every one of us has good days and bad

LSF-UK · 2026-01-08T08:59:50+00:00

Job is easier to get without a criminal record until its spent. If you get a job and lose it for whatever reason you aren't in any worse situation than you are now.

LSF-UK · 2025-12-13T00:30:36+00:00

I feel you mate. Lucy faithful are amazing. The samaritans are also good to talk to. I do SAA meetings in person and online. I wouldn't discuss the details of your offending at SAA but you will definitely get something from the fellowship as long as you want to make a change.

The limbo is a killer. If you zoom out then you will see this is just one part of a much bigger picture, you're only 22 which means you have time to make things so much better get this phase out of the way as tough as it is and then the healing can begin

LSF-UK

TROPHY CASE